What is your opinion?
.Poetic Intro. A melodic read!
"I love your style of writing, You do a great job capturing feelings in this first chapter, and I like the mystery of who this "she" might be. I found myself trying to read faster to find out her name or anything else about who she is and where she might be in perspective to this world (that you'll build in the coming chapters). My advice would be to weave just a little action or detail into the chapter to avoid the "white room syndrome." Is she stroking a bruised cheek in a motel room? Is she walking down a busy street, unacknowledged by passers by? The reader may become uninterested if the story isn't grounded in a scene. (You can keep the element of mystery by cleverly revealing her name later) I wasn't sure how to star the story just yet because it's unfinished, but I wanted to be as accurate as I could. There's no plot yet (but I'm definitely anxious to see it come along), and I saw a few minor grammatical errors, but I'm sure once you do your editing you'll nail those. Overall, it's an excellent start. Can't wait to read more!"
Gaslight Girl
"There is a great and emotional story hidden in this short "memoir". The way it is written made me wish for more of the actual story and maybe less of the future triumph that is alluded to here and there. The reader is drawn in by wanting to know what the girl's experiences actually were. We know she felt pain, we know she struggled and yet was strong, but we long to discover more. It would've been great to know her name and maybe hear her thoughts as a ten-year old, to understand how it is she really internalised all that happened to her. All this being said, it is a nice written piece! You kept me curious the whole time."
a Memoir of Self
"This is a story of a child who experiences sadness and pain at such a young age. I wanted to know who 'she' was, perhaps a name. I guess the plot will build up. I am not able to rate this story after reading only 4 chapters. I would like to read more as it comes. Perhaps more dialogues, e.g. her brothers' screaming out at her or how her siblings reacted vocally, would bring the scenes alive. Just my thought. Overall a good start."
