Sasha Devore

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.Poetic Intro. A melodic read!

I love your style of writing, You do a great job capturing feelings in this first chapter, and I like the mystery of who this "she" might be. I found myself trying to read faster to find out her name or anything else about who she is and where she might be in perspective to this world (that you'll build in the coming chapters). My advice would be to weave just a little action or detail into the chapter to avoid the "white room syndrome." Is she stroking a bruised cheek in a motel room? Is she walking down a busy street, unacknowledged by passers by? The reader may become uninterested if the story isn't grounded in a scene. (You can keep the element of mystery by cleverly revealing her name later)

I wasn't sure how to star the story just yet because it's unfinished, but I wanted to be as accurate as I could. There's no plot yet (but I'm definitely anxious to see it come along), and I saw a few minor grammatical errors, but I'm sure once you do your editing you'll nail those. Overall, it's an excellent start. Can't wait to read more!

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Immediately Thrilling

I couldn't wait for the weekend to get here so I could finish this one! The first couple of chapters hooked me right away. Diana in the Dark is quite mature, and an interesting window into the mind of a functional psychopath. I both enjoyed and regretted that Diana was a high school student. On the one hand, I LOVED the language that was used. Diana's dialogue and inner thoughts were quite amusing, and I feel like they were a clever representation of a young adults interpretation of the world, psychopath or not- "He looked stolid, hiding a streak of glacial anger, like he'd received a swirly for good behaviour and was now looking to take it out on someone small and cute," definitely was a knee slapper for me. But on the other hand, the plot had so many twists, and was so grandiose, that I feel a mere high school student couldn't realistically participate in so many scandalous situations at will. However, the story IS situated around affluent and, sometimes, parentless teens in Cali, so it wasn't enough to wag a finger at. I gave 3 stars for technical writing because I wanted to give an accurate representation of what I saw, but I know once this baby is edited it will be on fire. Though there were many errors in punctuation, I was still able to read as the author intended just because it was so well-crafted otherwise. Last, but not least, I thoroughly enjoyed the poetic finesse and sensory language. It definitely enhanced the experience of being inside of Diana's head, which was quite a ride!

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Very interesting post apocalyptic world!

I've always been interested in how humans would behave in a post apocalyptic world (though I could totally do without actually experiencing it). That said, Poisoned Trees and Yellow Grass was a welcomed story! I'm only on chapter six, but I'm digging in fast. I like that each character was well developed with a backstory, and the heartache started well before WW3 broke out. The added war made each characters struggles increasingly more complex (except for Garnet, who actually scored his freedom). I'd like to see more imagery of the environment, though that may come in later chapters.

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An Enchanting Tale- Well Thought Out

Secrets on the Walls begins with a mystery, as sisters Suzette and Sophie are faced with their grandmother Emma's sudden death. In the midst of the ensuing investigation, they decide to conduct their own search for clues, and soon find themselves in a world (well, worlds) full of amazing creatures- from mind-reading dragons to winged horses and regal wolves. In this realm, the girls are tasked with finding their grandmother's precious tokens- a treasure hunt which leads them closer to finding their grandmother, as well as unraveling her past. The girls aren't alone, though, as an eclectic group of guides help them on their journey through the worlds that their grandmother created. Packed with action and adventure, the story ends with a brush with a dark creature that leaves the reader begging for the second installment. Secrets on the Walls is reminiscent of The Chronicles of Narnia, but the worlds of Lauren Massuda are enchanting entirely in their own right. I loved how the author broke up the task of finding the objects with unexpected events, such as the arrival of the Vacuus, Ms. Plumlee and the investigator, as well as the sky pirates. The flash-backing of Emma's story and her attachment to the objects and characters in the worlds she created was also nicely placed. The writing style could be more consistent throughout, but I think another full edit once you've had some time away from it could do the trick. I think the prologue was nicely done, but the first chapter could incorporate a much better balance of action and dialogue to describe the surroundings and the what the girls looked like as opposed to flatly describing the scene (that's something I still haven't mastered, but I'm getting there!). All in all, Secrets on the Walls is a worthy and engaging story.

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A Worthy and Gripping Scandal

Black-haired and green-eyed Dominic yearns to be accepted within the ranks of his blond-haired and blue-eyed comrades in the Kingdom of Gelbraun. That is, until he learns of his long gone homeland of Gwyumm, destroyed by the very kingdom he fights for today. I thoroughly appreciate the plot and all of its elements. I was immediately drawn in by the social structure/division and the ways in which the kingdom controlled it's people. There was a very subtle "dumbing down" that I feel is a parallel of the real world today ..."thick books meant great detail, and details meant knowledge, and knowledge could bring destruction." I would have liked to see more internal struggle, though, after he learned the truth of his history. I feel that would draw the reader closer to Dominic, perhaps invest more emotionally in his story. It may also create a greater emotional pull at the end once all is said and done (trying to not spoil). The action and adventure were spot on, though. I would've also liked to see more mystery surrounding Larissa, who definitely added extra dimensions to the plot. For writing style, I'd like to see more consistent era language and scene building (ex. "weakly, she grabbed his shirt..." perhaps he was wearing a tunic or frock), and in the first three chapters or so it was a little difficult determining who was who.. All in all, I LOVED the story and I am so happy that you have seen it through to the end.

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