BTS x Reader Crackfiction - Corpse Party Crossover

a/n : i don’t know what you’re doing here

run while you still can

~

“ANOTHER RACE WON!” You exclaim triumphantly while tossing your controller down on the couch

“DAMMIT.” Jungkook fumes, glaring angrily at the tv screen.

“How about we play something else?” Worldwide Handso- I mean, Jin suggests.

“Smash Bros?” You grin.

“NO!” Jungkook, Jin, and Taehyung shout simultaneously.

“I have an idea!” Tae claps, startling Jungkook out of his natural, shook habitat. “Let’s make diss tracks about each other!”

WOOWOOWOO SONIC-SCREWDRIVER WOOWOOWOO

“Hey Jin, come take a look at mine!” You hold up Namjoon’s broken clipboard with a lone, coffee-stained piece of paper taped to it.

“Sure, why not?” he shrugs as he takes a look at it.

Ain’t got a girl? Gee, I wonder why,

If I was with you, I’d wanna cry.

Suddenly, Jin bursts into tears and runs away while sobbing : “IT’S TRUE, ALL OF IT IS SO TRUE!”

“But you didn’t even read all of it!”

All of a sudden, Yoongi busts into the room, looking ready to whoop some ass.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING FUCKWADS DOING IN MY FUCKING STUDIO GET THE FUCKITY-FUCK OUT."

His outburst caused Taehyung to also burst into tears and run away while sobbing : “IT’S TRUE, ALL OF IT IS SO TRUE!”

While you and Jungkook were getting verbally abused by Yoongi, you heard the bath faucet getting turned on at full-blast and Tae wailing : “IMMA JUST DROWN MYSELF!”

“Oh shit.” You and Kookie glance nervously at each other before sprinting towards the bathroom.

"YAH! I WASN’T FUCKING DONE WITH YOU TWO!" Yoongi shouts while speed-walking after you.

“MOTHER OF FUUUUUU-” JK yells as he takes off like a rocket, you following close behind. He body-slams the bathroom door open, then shuts and locks it the moment you get through.

But once you both turn around, you’re met with a Taehyung taking a bubble bath with his clothes still on.

Yes audience. You read it right.

With.

His.

Clothes.

Still.

On.

Tae lets out a piercing scream as he places his hands over his already-covered nipples.

Jungkook turns into Jungshook the Coconut and you cover Taehyung’s mouth to shut him the fuck up.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!” Namjoon yells as he holds the broken bathroom door in his hands.

Taehyung licks your hand to get it away from his mouth and points to you while crying : “HELP, THEY’RE TRYING TO DROWN ME!”

Jungshook slowly turns his head to stare at Namjoon.

"I have osteoporosis.”

Suddenly, the very heavens open up as an angel descends from above, blessing everyone in the vicinity with an opportunity to glance at his Jibooty as he struts into the bathroom.

“Guys please... Let’s all just calm down, I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for all of this.” Jimin says soothingly, his presence alone giving a feeling of peace to all the world.

Taehyung stands up and takes a deep breath. Then, after letting the air out slowly, he says the following statement with the utmost sincerity.

“(Y/n) and Jungkook have been fucking each other behind our backs.”

And that’s when the cow patties hit the ceiling fan.

It wasn’t until a whole two hours later, that you and Kookie manage to sort the story out.

“And no, despite what the retarded alien says, I have not had sex with (Y/n).” Jungkook finishes.

“But you want to.” Tae butts in.

“TRY ME BITCH.” Jungkook throws the toilet at the extraterrestrial, barely missing by half a centimeter.

Suddenly, Jin pops his ‘Third One From the Left’-ass into the bathroom doorway. “Oh hey guys how are you great let’s t.p. a big-ass mansion.”

"“Wait what.” You say, obviously not ready for the lazy author’s random-ass time skip.

WOOWOOWOO GOTTAGOFAST WOOWOOWOO

“Jimin why the actual fuck are you wearing a ski mask?” Namjoon asks, questioning the dancing abs man’s sanity.

“So when the resident is questioned by the police about what the perpetrators look like, I won’t be recognized.” Jimin says, looking pretty damn proud of himself.

His logic would’ve made sense... if the residents of the abandoned building weren’t MOTHERFUCKING GHOSTS.

“And Taehyung... why? Why? " Joonie gesture towards his entire outfit.

“BITCH I’M NARUTO.” Tae tries really hard to look cool.

“IMMA FUCK UP DA PO-PO’S IF THEY COME AT ME.”

Namjoon shakes his head while sighing.

“He’s a lost cause.” Yoongi mumbles. “There’s no psychiatrist skilled enough to cure whatever mental disease Taehyung has.”

“YOU’RE RIGHT!” Tae exclaims.

Then you suddenly appear out of the darkness with two cans of Pepsi strapped to the sides of your Star Wars hat with crazy straws coming out of them.

“NOT YOU TOO, DAMMIT.” Namjoon sinks to the ground, hit with the full reality that his friends were bat-shit crazy.

And now, a word from our sponsors

Jackson Wang : Channel 69 here with breaking news about my living room windows

CRASH!

Jackson Wang : GODDAMMIT I JUST GOT THOSE FIXED

...

namjoon.exe

reboot attempt #1

...

reboot failed

reboot attempt #2

...

.......

45% of functionality online

..................

your connection sux namjoon.exe

“Do you need mouth-to-mouth?” Taehyung whispers loudly to the semi-unconscious Namjoon.

100% of functionality online

“Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope.” Namjoon shoots up to his feet. ”SO MUCH NOPE."

“Okay, new plan. We’re not t.p.ing this bitch,” Jin says while helping Namjoon brush himself off. “We’re going in this bitch.”

You ft The Maknae Line snicker at the innuendo.

“It’s smaller than what you said it was.” Yoongi says.

“That’s what she said.” JK coughs.

You ft The Maknae Line snicker... again.

“Immature little bitches.” Yoongi mumbles.

“I could attempt to summon Seo Eunkwang.” You say while holding up a lighter and some candles.

“Beultoreune.” Someone says.

So you respond appropriately.

“FIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRE!” You yell while dancing your way into the old, abandoned house.

But suddenly, you stop. “Holy shit, this bitch is dark.”

“If you’re scared, you can hold my hand.” Jin flirts, making everyone gag.

“Oh hayl tothefcking-naw.” You waved the lit cigarette lighter in a z-formation sassily.

“OH SHIT GET FUCKIN TOLD!” Jungkook howls with laughter.

The savagery was too much for the Car Door Guy.

’Twas foretold that this moment would come. So the broken and defeated Worldwide Handsome slumped his shoulders, presented his poutiest face to everyone, and dragged his feet to the Emo Corner.

~y must u hurt meh like dis?

“I wasn’t scared, I was just stating a fact.” You say while wrapping a trauma blanket around your shoulders.

“We know, sweetie. It’s gonna be okay.” Jimin says comfortingly while rubbing your back.

“Speaking of scared... where’s Hoseok?” Jungkook looks around for the underappreciated member.

Then, at that very moment, screaming could be heard coming from outside.

Suddenly, a figure wrapped in glow-in-the dark duct tape crashes through the window.

“I HEARD SOMEONE WAS SCARED!”

"“I’m not scared... you’re scared.” You throw the blanket off.

“DAMN RIGHT.” Hoseok gives you a thumbs-up as you start lighting candles.

“Uh... is he ok?” Hobi asks while pointing to a very depressed car door guy as he grows mushrooms in the sacred Emo Corner.

“Yeh he’s fine, it’s just that nobody has ever rejected him before. So this is a new experience for him.” Namjoon states while helping you set up.

“If I cannot overcome this feeling known as rejection, then how am I to go on living?” A solitary tear slips down his worldwide handsome face.

“I didn’t realize we were in a soap opera, Jin.” Yoongi grumbles, 2000% done with Seokjin’s dramatic ass.

“If that was the case, all of you would be trying to woo me; then the one I choose to go out with would cheat on me with my best friend.” You explain.

“Holy shit you just described the plot of every ABC’s Soaps ever.” Tae marvels. “Teach me Sunbae-nim, for I have much to learn.”

“Of course my young Padawan. The very first step is to be able to jump out of the 83rd floor of a building and Batman the rest of the way down.”

“Woah... how do I do that?” he gazed at you, eyes filled with curiosity and wonder.

“I have no fucking idea.”

“Wtf.” Everyone else said, except Jin who was eating the FUCK out of his feelings-er, I mean, mushroooms.

WOOWOOWOO WRITER’S BLOCK WOOWOOWOO

“Seo Eunkwang.” You chant in front of the mirror, the rest of Bangtan huddled behind you.

“Seo Eunkwang.”

“Seo Eunkwang.”

...

.......

“See guys, I told you it wouldn’t w-” Yoongi cuts off mid-sentence when a figure appears in the mirror.

But instead of it being the Ugly Dance King, it was a little girl with dark, stringy hair covering most of her face.

“Holy shit, is that Sachiko from Corpse Party?” Jungkook says as everyone leans forward to get a closer look.

Suddenly the wooden planks underneath your feet crumble, and everyone falls into the dark abyss.

“HOLD ME YOONGI, I’M SCARED!” Hoseok wraps his awkwardly glowing limbs around the grumpy member.

“Get off me I’m tryna take a nap.” said person grumbles while falling.

And that’s the last thing you remember before blacking out.

(DISCLAIMER! NEITHER JACKSON WANG NOR CHANNEL 69 NEWS ARE SPONSORING ME SORRY)