Unspoken
“I love you Amanda”
And just like that, my world was taken away. I remember it. I remember it all too well. It was our night. His eyes perused my entire being, my soul, my heart, and even my mind. Inspecting me like I was a work of art, not with the lust I found so many times before in my past. My past mistakes that’s another story. But rather with a burning desire to truly love me with all of him.
A minute later a smirk pulled up the corners of his thin lips, barely hinting at what would be his dimples, that to many girls endlessly gawked at. The thought of another female admiringly and hungrily eyeballing him, not happening I told myself. A slight eruption of jealousy and anger grew inside me. However, those emotions that I locked in the back of my mind, that I tried to avoid with him, instantly vanished the moment his fingers embraced the back of my neck and he kissed me I was lost. He emptied my body of any thing but sensation. Blushing profusely, I looked down in embarrassment and let out a baby-like giggle. Enjoying my reactions, he slowly placed his finger under my chin, lifted it up with such carefulness, as to not disturb this moment in time, it felt like the world stopped spinning. I was met with those captivating green hazel eyes, delicately topped off with full luscious eyelashes that any girl would envy. His eyes held a look, one that was so compelling, so mysterious, yet showing a love so grand, so infinite it would reach the deepest part of the universe. With his face trained on mine, he gave my chin a small circular rub with his thumb and traced it to the corner of my eyes. Then his hands went under my chin, then with his thumb on my cheek. He leaned in and planted another kiss on my forehead, sending chills through my body. I couldn’t have imagined a better night than this. Hopefully it would be like this forever, lost in his embrace. The night casting a mist that was clinging to his face high lighted every sexy atrabute. Some of his more attractive features lit up like there was a sunset that was studded with stars. It was as if the stars were in sync with his eyes. They were gorgeous. As if they, too, wanted to show their harmony in serenity. The wind was inconsistent blowing chilling winds that gave me goosebumps. So he offered his jacket, and I thought he is not real. The wind picked up in strength when he was charming me, as if cheering him on with its velocity, or discreetly merge into silence, waiting with impatience to see what will unfold. The welcoming aroma of food swirled in the air. But there was this one distinct fragrance that overwhelmed it all, this smell that will forever be ingrained in my clothes, my mind, my memories. That romantic and calling odor, if close enough to it, it smelled like home, derived from him. I knew he was the one. The bright light from the street light we were under, illuminated his long neck, and slender shoulders, and imposingly big back , creating a vast silhouette along the cracked grounds of the pier. Because his back was toward the light, streaks of luminescence bounced off his back, revealing part of his face. As if someone somewhere was panting him in a berminghan panting. His jawline was sharply chiseled, joined with a slightly pointed nose that was tinted with a little Rosy red from the cold air. His eyes were a mystery, intense but could soften at any given moment, he was unpredictable. His smile, oh his smile. Whenever he smiled, his perfectly aligned posture. greeted the world, whenever he closed his mouth he left the world in awe wanting more. That smile of his was unique, with a distinct dimple set that danced at the corner of his lips, completed his dashing appearance.
“You’re just staring at me, and it’s creeping me out.” “Oh, sorry sweetie. I’m still in shock that a guy like you could fall for a girl like me.” “Oh, your silly. How many times do I have to remind you of this? You are far beyond anything I have ever imagined in someone. I love you so much, and you mean everything to me Amanda.”
And just like that, I was at ease.
“I love you too, Jesse. Without an answer, he pulled me into an embrace with his strong arms and spun his body 180 degrees. A bit taken back, but appreciating the romantic gesture, I hugged him back, tighter. But something felt off.
Sound broke silence.
Noise erupted all around us like animals being released from their cages. I saw people screaming and running. Many were trampled on and left behind. I heard one person scream, “Shooter!” Realizing the situation, I tried to pry myself from jesse but his weight seemed heavier against me. A bit frustrated, I slightly pushed him off, yet he wouldn’t budge. Confused by his behavior, I looked at him with a bit of impatience.
“ Jesse, we have to go!” I yelled.
No response. I then felt my hand wet from something from behind his back and then it hit me. He was shot. He took a bullet for me. Tears began to well in my eyes. My heart began to pound against my chest, it wanted out of my body as if it knew it would not be able to bear the upcoming pain. I carefully tried to lay Jesse down but all six feet of him got the best of me. I fell backwards and he landed on his side with a thump. The image of him in pain was too much. I choked back tears and tried to scream for help, but my cries were swallowed by my own horror. I positioned him so that he was on his back, and I tried to stop the excessive bleeding. I ripped strips from my own shirt and tried to fill in the bullet hole in his chest. My face was smeared with his blood as I wiped back tears. No, no. This can’t be happening, I thought. It was all perfect ten minutes ago. I love you, Jesse, please don’t leave me.I couldn’t find myself to tell him that. I couldn’t say anything. I was speechless. He was unconscious but breathing. I clung onto hope. I looked around frantically to see what was going on. I saw bodies lying around. I saw people clinging on to their loved ones and others standing around them in shock. A six-year old girl had been shot and her mother uncontrollably crying over her body. She cries in disbelief. The memory will forever be etched in my mind. Suddenly, I felt his hand move, and hope grew within me. I looked down at him and our eyes met. Just like 20 minutes ago. Just like when we first met. I tried to blink back my tears but they refused, they slid out if my swollen eyes and landed on his cheek, each droplet spreading out, as if caressing and hugging his cheek. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and let it all out. I didn’t know what to do. I was useless, helpless. I carefully lied myself next to him and buried my head under his neck, closing my eyes. I wanted this moment to be the time he and I cuddled at the park, with our eyes absorbing the clear blue sky with clouds outstretched in the horizon, the sun setting with its golden rays, outlining its circular shape, the birds migrating in their V-formation into the distance. On that day it seemed as if the skyline was traced by the tips of branches from the oak trees, however up close, these trees were colossal with their stretched arms cherishing the wakening of autumn. The grass was coarse and crunch when stepped on, perhaps a sigh of relief, as if it was thankful that its life was taken before the cold and harsh days could have. I see the shoes he wore. His white air Force 1s that were stained from the grass from the time he mowed his grandmother’s lawn, his left shoe was tied Tite his right was loose. Tracing up, he wore his sweat pants with he’s Ravens maroon hoodie, strings untied. I remember looking up into his adoring eyes, his breath warming my forehead, his soft murmurs of loving words to me. My flashback started to blur out and I was jolted back to reality.
I felt movement. He tried to talk but instead coughed up blood.
“Try not to talk please,” I begged him. I put my face closer to his neck, aware that his pulse was slowing down.
“Please don’t leave me Jesse,” I managed to choke out. “You can’t leave me.” A tear escaped his left eye, and he forced a tiny smile while slightly raising a brow. He was bleeding so much yet tried to disguise the unimaginable pain in front of me as he would never show weakness. How can a guy like him not be loved? “I love you,” he whispered. He proceeded to smile with his eyes closed, showing off those dimples of his.
I felt hands pull me away from him. Anger and surprisement surged through me, and I tried to push whomever was pulling me away. It was a police officer.
“Wait! Please I have to tell him something! Please let go of me!” I screamed while shoving the police officer away. “I’m sorry ma’am, but we need to start clearing up the incident and aid the injured, we can’t have anyone lingering around,” informed the paramedic that appeared next to the officer. Those words echoed in my head, provoking rage within me. I wanted to use my remaining strength to yell in his face. I wanted to scream about how unfair it is that I couldn’t stay with my loved one, a loved one that could be taking his last breath. I felt the need to for such words in printing them into his mind, I hoped he could imagine if the roles where reverse and see how he would feel. But I couldn’t, this seemed all too unreal. I made one last effort to run away from the officer to get to Jesse but another officer held me back and I was jerked away. At this point, I felt my body giving up, I felt limp and let them drag me away. My eyelids began to droop and I couldn’t cry even if I forced myself to. My vision began to fade but the sight was permanent. I remember seeing the police putting caution tape around where he and I once stood. I remember one officer putting a the blanket that indicated his death over his lifeless body. And under that blanket, was the man I loved, I wish he could hear it one last time from me.
