The Guardian

"Sharilyn, you have written a gentle, tender story that drew me in. I like how you involved the senses--especially in your description of the unicorn. You managed to make the descriptors a part of the action. A couple of technical critique points for you: 1. Some of the sentences were short and choppy. This is good when setting up a mood, and it's a good texture point, but sometimes it just became too choppy, and I wanted you to combine some of the sentences. I suggest you read it aloud with dramatic expression. I think you will find that your musical instincts will help you to find a better flow for the writing style, enabling you to keep the choppiness where it best helps the story. You know--staccato all the way through loses its punch, but if you insert some legato, it will enhance the staccato. And think of how powerful a rest is in a music score!. (Not that your staccato is ALL the way through!) 2. A typo: "I averted his eyes"...that would be quite a feat!"