What is your opinion?
Anticipation
"Lucy scared me just as she did the protagonist. I like the showing. How the shadow crept up... and then a hand. Scary. No wonder the protagonist was surprised. "Not everybody has money, you know," I sighed. [I felt like there should have been internal dialogue that lets the reader know more about the protagonist as well as her friends.] Chapter 2 After "When we got there we were in for a rude shock..." and before Sarah started shouting, I felt like there needed to be a scene description. Maybe a brief description about walking in and noticing Sarah looking frustrated at the counter. Maybe also physical descriptions of frustration like clenched knuckles or running her hand through her hair and trying to stay calm, etc. This author is great with horror story. There are parts of the story that are so terrifying. Anticipation is great for these types of story, and the author definitely worked that well."
Creepy...
"Good read. I liked that it was so fast-paced throughout the entire story -- although at times it seemed a little rushed. I could totally picture the whole thing with the young adults going on vacation...and then having everything go wrong. The characters were clear and enjoyable. I liked the concept of the Indians and the rules. It seemed very fresh. Good work. And good luck in the contest! :)"
Wonderful Story!
"Hi! This story is really great! I loved the setting and their names! Your dialogue was excellent! I loved how the story moved nicely. But there are some things to work on. Although your dialogue was really well done, it overpowers the story, so I suggest you work on that. But overall, your story is really good!"
Follow the Rules is a must read
"In Follow the Rules, the author tells the suspenseful story of several university students just looking for a vacation but stumbling into a horror show. A poem written in blood warns them of rules they cannot breaks and the horrid consequences if they do. A tale of blood, sweat, and fear. Just the thing for upcoming Halloween!"
