Little Auntie

In this new froth which we call society and being agreeable what does it do to one when one is also human? That in this frothy atmosphere of half attentions and inattentions when we do dislike being without the right words and speaking of them makes us nauseous and dull to be plain.

To be frank is to be without goodwill towards the lantern of the truth. When the spirit is not healthy and the make-believe world today is crafty.

Where does the fond fool go to seek the joys and the tribulations of the disasters which we had when young and the nagging doubts the niggling forgotten moments when we dared not speak a word out? When to seek our truth meant losing it for good and seeing it out meant we were enslaved for sure.

When one is a sex addict the thing is it happens in the bed does it not makes one like a dreamer it is over not at all if one is addicted to love as the saying goes one has to do it again and again.

Life is about friendships that happen in bed. Because the best things happen in that place the bedroom. The thing is most of us are only addicted to love which is not the same as sexual folly but my boyfriend was addicted to sex.

He left. He had to otherwise he would have gone mad.

She knew how to play him and did. Once a shark meets another shark their intimacies are graver than at any other time in their lives. So this superhuman met that human and then they migrated to intimacy and marriage.

What did it do to us? Still insisted he was single and his marriage did not matter to anybody at all including me. I kept on saying to him it did matter and he kept on giving her contracts.

Because she is his wife. So you see what it meant to them so many contracts and film deals and all that because it mattered what happened in their beds because they had to rock in their toilet. When he would come flushed out. I knew. In the back garden near me and their car were the holy spitfires which drove them on.

I think anyone else would get this message that behaving like that is never going to work. I am alone. He wants to play so does she and they have no morals.

Then she would swoop on me and take whatever he gave to me. Like a plundering bird.

"I paid you did not." She would say.

The thing is one wanted to give me things the wife would come and take them away.

I became a sorry character.

In some dazed-out fashion as if lost.

I am not sorry for all the years as this damnable creature that did not do it with that man? I am true.

He never.

I am I should have joined the queue and been done with it. But the trouble was I did love him. Love is a strange thing.

Like fire, it continued to burn me out.

I thought I could save his soul for some reason. But his wife already had his soul in her keeping. She had it round her chain. Bone chain and china.

Look the thing was he had nothing to do all his life but gaze into her eyes and that mate is what this is all about. Nothing nobody did it for me.

In the threshold of madness, I entered without blinking.

There is nothing strange about this beautiful wife of his they got it together then they had to run for it. Run from each other run for themselves or their hides.

Run because I'm after him and her.

I give him out of sight. Out of sight out of mind?

Hey, suckers, here you all are and I am here. Sorry for you but life goes on.

The light through the window. I am located blank. The neighborhood seemed to be saying we could all see your light. I had to do the laundry because it had to be done. Why because my clothes needed washing?

My phobia is under control saw your light we all have seen you like. Lantern gets deeper into the past. Abuse and all that sort of thing but the abuser did not know she and he was doing such a vile thing. They thought it nature natural and even parenting because we were adopted and that meant we could be done with whatever to.

What odd behavior? Why it is the same is it not because children are in a difficult situation they are children without much experience of what it is to be what and who they are. That only comes later. This is one of the issues is it not that might cause the whole system to collapse.

Then I collapsed.

He followed she soldiers on.

We are your friends the parents used to say and that meant what?

I am not unused to people calling me names bad names at that. I am called worse names and tarnished my blameless character to such an extent that my face glows with the criminal injustice of it all.

I was the daughter of some mismatch and that meant I am now suffering under the criminal intent of the woman who brought me up.

To serve I have been trained to.

That such a thing should be happening in a place called England in a nice neighborhood by a nice woman who had been a wife now a widow and a mother who has had the good fortune to become a grandmother and to have made something out of her life because she knows how to be thrifty and not too generous and has property and income-related things. She is not insolvent is solvent with the promises of a good future.

But it all depends on me dying.

"You are hired."

"As what?"

"Slave." Dad laughed.

"No security in that," I answer.

Mother laughed and laughed again.

That is what it is not. That he cannot take me anywhere because I am someone somehow not involved in his life that the relationship itself is based on things that are private and his public wife matters to him. Posh and the poesy.

She is highly connected. The thing is when a reality sets in what do two people have in common really? What they really have in common besides their bodies is their beastly pride and sexuality and the demands they make on each other’s time. She speaks and I understood.

He said so.

"Is she saying pigeon language?" I ask he never understood a word I spoke.

"Darling." She called he ran so fast it was as if the dust did not settle on my startled face.

Lanterns everywhere that is lanterns oh my God to see the little smoke-filled room with the smoked filled room with that fire raging inside all of us.

The lantern of our dismays and despairs what to do with this ourselves when nothing there not even a radio and the endless gramophone with the same song taking us into some land which promised nothing at all.

"Let us all kiss each other and not tell." Said his wife.

"Bonkers?"

"Nothing of the sort don't be rude."

Bored out of our minds we all took to wine and did indeed whine away many hours.

"Please God let me eat and eat the things that make me pure and good." I sighed.

"The Bible makes people go crazed with self-righteousness."

"Without the Bible they do unspeakable deeds."

"Don't know but you are getting strange. Read another book." Shouted dad's last orders.

That we behave well as well as can be expected and there is nothing the matter with this is it except for the grammar and all that?

"This so mean."

There is nothing but a lantern in that bleak room for comfort. The only luxury which was allowed in the little shack which Grandpa had made.

Burnt out and in despair.

When eyes were always watchful when neighbors had nothing much to think about their own concerns were manifold.

"I swear I am not married."

"I don't feel married." He added.

I have been robbed of my life.

In this backdrop, there is nothing that matters with this backdrop is there?

"Evil is strong."

Fire and brimstone and love what else can I say?

Privacy please how ill-used we were when we wanted publicity now we must have privacy levels of trust have been broken. How dare we give them what they want all the time? My benefits are desperate to catch up with me.

Who can we trust but us.

“Highly amusing people”

The price of everything is what I know the price of what you all are. Said the dragon and I raced out with our lantern in my hand looking for I do not know.

"Mad child I am never going to tell you."

"What is the matter with you all?"

"We are pretending."

Well if it bothers you? I am bothered by the fact that she is without shame.

There is nothing kind about her that she is constantly wanting this and the other. His wife is just coming. I know she always does.

No need for that? Stages when it was bright and when it was clouded and obscure.

We were all driving along when it hit us.

What hit you?

A lorry hit us?

"It couldn't have you all be dead if it had."

“We were too numbed with shock. He told them about their fathers."

“What is the meaning of this?”

"Rotten drivers. Should not be allowed on the road."