The Annoying Spider-Man

Peter swings across a rooftop, scanning the city for crime. “Wow. I mean, is there no crime today? Because if not, that means I’ll get to work on my homework, so yay!” He idly comments.

And then an explosion sends him sprawling.

“Ooph!” He grunts, breath knocked from his lungs. Peter takes a moment to get his bearings, then stands back up. “I guess this means I don’t get to do my homework.”

The spider-themed hero swings over to the site of the explosion- only to slam into a red-clad figure that blocks the entrance to the narrow alleyway.

“Sit down before you get hurt.” Deadpool snaps, shoving Peter to the ground.

Peter knows who this is. The merc with a mouth has a reputation so large, even he has heard of him. The fact that he’s here is bad news.

“Is that a threat?” The hero demands, getting back to his feet- and wondering what he'll do if the mercenary is threatening him.

“Does it have to be?” Deadpool folds his arms across his chest.

“What are you gonna do?” Peter shoots back, well aware of what the anti-hero is capable of.

Deadpool draws his katanas. “Well, you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”

Peter raises his fists, preparing for the fight that is surely upcoming. “Doesn’t look like I’ll have to wait long.” He mutters under his breath.

There’s a stalemate, neither of the red-clad supers wanting to make the first move.

Then another explosion rings out, and the dispute is forgotten.

“Truce?” Peter suggests. Please say yes, please say yes, please say-

Deadpool nods his agreement. “Truce.”

The two men slowly creep towards the last explosion, but smoke fills the alleyway. Green smoke.

“Who the !^*% uses green smoke?” Deadpool asks, scanning the area and tightening his grip on his katantas.

“Um, Green Goblin, Mysterio, and Jackal when he’s feeling creative.” Peter doesn't miss a beat, jumping up onto a wall.

“You fight a lot of bad guys who like the color green.” Deadpool comments.

Peter chuckles. “You have no idea.”

Mysterio appears in the smoke. “You have meddled in my plans for the last time, Wall-Crawler!”

Deadpool moves his katana in a slashing arc, putting a long scratch on Mysterio’s fishbowl of a helmet, and nearly taking off his head along the way. “What about me?”

“I-”

While the villain is distracted, Peter quickly webs him to the closest wall. “No more fake magic for you, Mysterio.”

Deadpool grins. ”Ever.” He sends his katana in an arc, heading right for Mysterio’s skull.

Peter's eyes widen, and intervenes at the last second, sending a web to hold back Deadpool’s katana. “Whoa, there. Hold your horses.”

“I don’t have any. I do, however, have very sharp swords that I want to hold to this guy’s skull.” Deadpool growls.

Peter pulls the katana out of the mercenary's hand and into his own. “No killing.”

Deadpool knocks Mysterio out with the butt of his gun, then turns to face the hero. “Do you know who I am?” He snarls, taking a threatening step forward.

Peter nods nervously. “Deadpool. The merc with the mouth. World-renowned mercenerary. I know who you are.”

“Then you know that I’m not the kind of person that you want to have for an enemy.” He continues.

Peter swallows. This isn’t going to end well.

“Let's make this nice and simple. Give me back my sword, or I will tear you limb from limb.” Deadpool threatens, voice a deep growl.

That’s what this is about? His sword? Is he joking?

Peter quickly tosses it to him. “Here.”

He catches it with ease. “Don’t take my stuff.”

Then he runs off. Peter is left alone with an unconscious Mysterio.

Peter hesitates. “So... is the truce permanent, or....”

Peter yawns. No crime, no burning buildings, no car crashes, no nothing!

So, he's bored. Well, yay for nothing bad happening, but he really has nothing to do. He doesn't even have homework!

And then his Spider-sense tingles. But before the hero can move, he's falling off the building he was on.

But hey, he's Spider-Man. He runs around falling off buildings for no apparent reason daily. He quickly shoots a web, and flips himself back up to the rooftop.

Deadpool.

“That’s a cool trick you got. How do those webs work?” He asks.

“I- You just threw me off a building to see how my web-shooters work?!?” Peter exclaims, annoyed.

"Actually... I forgot you had those.” Deadpool admits.

“I- you threw me off a building in an attempt to kill me?” The hero asks, just as surprised as he is angry. Surely he knows Peter travels by rooftop.

“No, I thought you’d stick to the wall. I had a joke ready.” Deadpool explains.

Peter takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. “You threw me off a building for a joke?”

“Yep!” The mercenary grins.

Peter clenches his fists. He will not attack the psychotic mercenary, he will not attack the psychotic mercenary, he will-

“What the heck is wrong with you?” Peter demands.

“Mmmm... mentally or physically?” Deadpool shoots back playfully.

Peter crosses his arms. "Is everything a joke to you?" He growls.

Deadpool grins, then composes his features. "Funny things are."

Peter glares. "Throwing me off a building is not funny!"

"You were supposed to say, 'I understood that reference.' You ruined a perfectly good punchline!" Deadpool complains.

Peter hesitates. There is something very wrong with the mercenary. But, if he points this out, he's likely to get gutted.

Wait- since when was he afraid of provoking people?

"Are you sane?" Peter questions.

"Yeah." Deadpool scoffs.

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes!" He exclaims.

"...positive?" Peter repeats.

"Do you have a death wish?" Deadpool demands.

"Do you?" He shoots back.

"Yes, actually." The merc grins.

Peter blinks. "Um...."

"But I have an awesome healing factor, and I can't die, but I have cancer, so I'm always in eternal agony, not to mention the two idiot voices in my head, who never shut up and are always pestering me to do stupid things." Deadpool explains.

Should Peter tell him that he's crazy?

"Or you could attribute it to the fact that I'm married to Death." He continues. "Either way, yes, I do have a death wish."

There's a pause.

"No, Yellow, shut up. I'm not gonna kill Spidey- what is wrong with you?!? No! That is.... no! No! I don't care what you think his @$& looks like! That is wrong!" Deadpool yells.

"I'm just gonna go..." Peter cautiously takes a step back.

Deadpool ignores the hero. "Thank you, White, for showing some common sense. Yellow, shut the @#$% up."

Peter web-slings away. He does not want to deal with this right now.

[Hey! If you have a suggestion on who you'd like Spidey to meet next, drop a comment! I'll try to keep working on this story- as well as all of my other ones! Thank you guys so much for your patience!]