A work in progress, but definitely going somewhere!

"Hello! I just read what you had of "The Raventhorn Chronicles," and I find your premise rather interesting. I like the perspective from an old narrator, rather than a younger one, which is a new and interesting idea that we don't often see. The origin story in the beginning is a little long and confusing, so you may need to edit it some. We're introduced to the antagonist early, without much explanation on who he is- you may want to clear that up. Also, you don't have to publish your planning notes on Inkitt, as it disrupts the narrative. It seems here that you're taking a lot of inspiration from Tolkien (don't we all?), and that's one place to start. However, you're not Tolkien; you're someone completely different. Therefore, when taking inspiration from another source, try to make your ideas your own. Don't go off the plot of Lord of the Rings or the Silmarillion; see how your characters interact with each other and write your story from there instead. You have a lot of potential, and so you don't have to write what's already been written- make something original! It's a good point to start on, but I'm sure you can blend common fantasy elements with your own ideas as well. All the best, -E.S. Paul"