The beginning
As far as I know being alone does not mean lonely, when in the silence you find peace. Comfort.
In a sea of nameless faces you find it bearable knowing that no one is familiar with you. You seem to become a part of the scenery like withering foliage flowing from the treetops, a cobalt sky, a misty mountain, a cloistered pavement and even a silhouette. And not so the protagonist of a random story of an uninteresting conscious mind.
Background characters hurt less being away from scrutinizing stares from judgemental people. They live better not having to trouble themselves being on the spotlight.
I’m fine here, always have been and always will be. I repeated the words like a mantra until my words became ME.
THE DAY I DECIDE TO DISAPPEAR IS THE DAY I SEE A BLUE ROSE.
AND ALAS!
The sound of children’s shrieks as they played tag outside on the playground echoed inside the public library’s walls. As the buzzing of the air conditioner blends well with the tranquilness of the moment, a ringing of bell resounded on the entrance meaning a reader has entered the vicinity. As a faint scent of vanilla filled the nooks and crannies of the aged wooden place the owner decides to brew coffee so it harmonized well with the general paper fragrance overall. Everything is as lovely as it can get.
I flip through an old weathered book tenderly as its crisp pages threaten to crumble in my hands
then...
I FIND IT
I wouldn’t have battered my eyes if it was a blue butterfly , but no. Here in my hands as if freshly torn from its stem is a blue rose.
One of the littlest details in our world that makes me want to stir from sleep is the ever hopeful dawn. Aurora is always as beautiful as her name suggests it no matter what the capricious weather chooses. The dewy mist she brings with her and the fresh breath of air she exhales is what I inhale to endure yet another uneventful time in school. One of the few reasons I audaciously face my monsters is this, I live for the most meager reasons in life and I wonder if that makes me shallow.
Like any monotonous day my morning starts with me having my glorious coffee blended with milk and honey to contribute to my healthy diet and excess weight to help kickstart another faded photocopied day.
Honestly though its like retracing footsteps I’ve left behind from yesterday, all I can do is roll my eyes to the cracked ceiling.
In the shower as freezing droplets of water enshrouds my skin I close my eyes and allow the negativity of my thoughts to ooze out from my pores and feel renewed. With each stroke of soap I imagine myself being washed clean like dirty dish in the sink. All the taintedness of my being ends up in the drain.
But sometimes I do like my sin, my dirt, my mistakes because it reminds me of being human and alive. It serves like an invisible scar or a hidden tattoo I wear on my skin. And sometimes I lick it to flaunt my flaws adamantly.
I crossed paths with everyone on the table. My ever so loud but lovely mama, who never stops nagging yet I love the sound of her voice no matter what she says anyway, so its fine really for all I care. And my papa on the head table who wants to be absolute at all times though what he justifies for his actions can sometimes be bullocks but for all its worth he is as caring and sweet a father cannot plausibly be. And here across me eating savagely on her honey cereal is my sister who achieves on everything she dares to set her eyes on and who never gains weight no matter how much food she shoves down her throat. For all the imperfectness and simplicity of this family I love them to death. I guess I just love crookedness in all things. Perfect for me is pretty much synonymous to ugly and boring as fuck. Or maybe I'm just an envious little devil or maybe not, anyway it does not matter.
As I checked the time I estimated I needed to go if I don't want to be late for my useless classes. I kissed my parents goodbye and shouted I love you on the way out with my heavy bag swinging on my shoulders as a usual routine and walked to school with my older sister. I kissed her on the cheeks as we headed to our different classes and said in unison "ew" as a normal response.
Classes unsurprisingly dragged on never endingly as Sir Smith or was it Stan(doesn't matter) continues to draw triangle shapes pointlessly on board with numbers. Before lunch I felt like in a vertigo so I headed to cafeteria early as the lunch bell rung and a stampede of students blocked the halls. After having the dizziness gone I decided to have a breather and went to public library for the remaining 30 minutes before afternoon classes.
But I never get to those classes at all.
