Breathless

Micha

(3 years ago . . . )

I remember the look on my sister’s face when we were kids and I took her favorite doll from her. I remember the way the tears filled her eyes as I threatened to break it, I also remember the look in her eyes as I gave it back to her. I remember the look in her eyes when I told her that she could be anything she wanted to be, and the brotherly rage that went through me as she decided that being a model was the best career choice for herself. I remember the look in her eyes when I told her that our parents were killed when they were at the wrong place and wrong time. I remember the look in her eyes when I told her that I would do anything to protect her. I remember the look in her eyes when I came home wearing my vest that announced me as a member of the Viper motorcycle gang.

I’ve seen those eyes through every stage emotion: happy, sad, annoyed, angry, you name it, those baby blue eyes that were prettier than my own, despite us being siblings, had it. Most of them I caused, others were cause by the heartbreak of men that she was too good for, the stresses of school work, and the determination of finding that perfect modeling job that would get her on the cover of Vogue.

As I walked into my home and saw the splattering of blood on my living room walls, I realized that my sister’s baby blue eyes that were once filled with happiness and hope, were now filled with pain, darkness, and no life.

“You can’t do this to yourself man, they didn’t find a body.” Jasper, a member of the Viper crew, and best friend shook me as I leaned numbly against his truck.

Police were in my home, a thought that would make me laugh if I wasn’t too stuck in my fucked up head, but I didn’t know who to call. This wasn’t something the crew could fix, this wasn’t from a rival gang or from someone that the Prez pissed off. Their presence would let me know, they would want me to feel the pain, they would want me to know it was them, or they would leave the markings on my living room wall. The least they would do was leave my sister’s body for me to find. There was nothing but blood.

There was so much blood.

I felt my knees becoming weak beneath me as Jasper grabbed me by the shoulders, holding me up and looking in my eyes with concern.

I was not a weak man, not even when my parents were shot and killed on the street did I cry, I had to be strong for Sam, my little Sammy, who was now gone.

Who did I have to be strong for now?

“Micha, Micha, Micha!” Jasper called in a panic as he pushed me gently against his truck. “You need to stay with me man.”

“Sam she’s-“ I shook my head, I couldn’t say the words even if I wanted to.

“She’s not.” Jasper shook his head. “We’re going to find her.”

“There’s so much blood Jasp,” my words came out as a whisper my vision was filled with flashes of my white living room walls were splattered with Sam’s blood. “It looked like a slaughter house.”

I watched as the Viper swallowed deeply, his Adam’s apple visibly moving up and down, but no words came out of his mouth. I knew he saw the house, he came in as I screamed in terror, he literally tore me from my own home as I fell to the floor.

The roar of motorcycles woke me up from my memories, but they couldn’t pull me out of my numb state. My brothers were here, here to take care of me, but there was nothing that they could do now, nothing that could save my baby sister, and nothing that could save me.

“Jasper!” I heard the president’s voice yell. I knew I was supposed to be on my feet to the man that spent years creating this club, the one who taught me to be a man when my father couldn’t, the one who treated me like I was his own son, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even stand and recognize him as my leader.

“It’s bad Pres.” Jasper shook his head as the sounds of gravel crunching under boots rang in my ears.

“Oh Micha.” I heard the Pres sigh as the old, greying man who had tattoos on ever part of his body ran a hand over his face. He ran a hand through his short greying beard before taking the rag off of his head. “Do we have any leads?” He asked softly.

“Sheriff is in there now.” Jasper sighed as he used one free hand to push the long blond hair that he usually kept so neat, out of his face.

“I’ll go in, talk to him-“

“Pres you can’t do that.” Jackson, another member of the gang, and the Pres’s son, said as he came up next to us, shaking his head knowing that Vipers and pigs don’t get along so well. The sheriff is on our side, a little bit of money here and there, and promises of keeping quiet and our community safe made sure of that, but his little followers were not as understanding especially if they knew they weren’t getting a cut from us.

“We need to know what’s going on.” He explained grimly as he looked at his son with a knowing look.

“Know what’s going on? There’s nothing going on. There isn’t any sign of rivalry, this isn’t because of us.” Jackson said, shaking his head. “This is just some asshole on the street, probably some school boy wanting a piece of Sam, you know how all the guys looked at her.”

I saw red as I found the strength to stand up straight and grab my brother by the throat, shoving him against the truck with a loud bang. “That’s my sister you fuck!” I screamed in his face, my own spit flying against his cheeks and into his eyes. “My SISTER!” I pulled him back and slammed him again making him groan, but I didn’t care. I wanted him to feel pain, I wanted someone to feel the pain besides me.

I cocked my arm back ready to blast him in the face, to show the fucker who he was talking to, but I was stopped by a firm hand grabbing my wrist tightly.

I looked back, ready to take on whoever was holding me back, but when I saw the Sheriff, holding me gently with one hand while the other held his ugly brown hat in the other. “Micha, I need to talk to you.” He said simply.

My arms dropped down to their sides, letting Jackson fall to the ground in a heap of his own painful mess. “Please tell me you found something.” I begged.

The sheriff, that son of a bitch, shook his head sadly. “There’s nothing. There’s no sign of break in, there’s no finger prints, no weapon, just the blood, and a sign of struggle.”

Of course there was a sign of struggle, I spent years teaching my sister how to defend herself with her fists, knives, and even a gun.

A sense of pride filled my heart as I knew that my sister put up a fight against whoever she was up against.

My baby sister fought so hard.

“Micha, was there someone that wanted to harm your sister?”

I glared at the sheriff knowing fully well that that was the stupidest fucking question he could ask me. I was part of one of the leading motorcycle gangs in the state, I killed people, sold weapons, anyone would love to see me suffer, and Sam was the only way to get to me.

“Right,” He coughed awkwardly before pulling out a cigarette. “Micha, there’s a lot of things we can do, but with no body and your track record this-“

I stopped him before he could finish. “I will give you more money, I will sell you guns, I will pick off every evil son of a bitch on the street, but you have to help me. Help me find my sister.” I didn’t beg, but at this point I wasn’t really above it.

“Micha, there isn’t anything we can do at this point.” He shook his head.

I pulled my fists tightly into my hands at my sides before pushing away all feelings and stomping towards my Harley, feet hurried in my direction. My name was being yelled, but I could really give a flying fuck at this point.

“Micha, where are you going?” Jasper yelled in a panic as I threw a leg over my bike, taking a seat and starting it up with a roar.

“I’m going to kill every evil mother fucker that I know, until I find her.” I said looking at him.

Sad Micha was way gone at this point. Micha, in general, was gone at this point. I was mean, angry, and wanted nothing but blood. Something was coming out of me, something dangerous that I had never felt before, something that I had only heard about in stories. I was a monster, a devil, a spawn from hell.

I was a beast.

“Fuck me.” I heard the Sheriff mumble under his breath as I glared at the men around me, bright red filling the edges of my vision.

“Micha, boy, it doesn’t have to be like this. Let your brother’s save you.” The Pres sighed as his eyes filled with sorrow, knowing that he was going to lose one of his members to rage.

I threw my head back letting out a dark laugh as I kicked up the bike stand and shook my head. “Nothing can save me now.” I growled out like the monster I was, before twisting the throttle and making my way out of the safety of my own home, and eventually my own town.

I was a Viper, a man who was part of a gang of men who would sell their souls for me, who would kill for me, and hide the body without any problems, but tonight I no longer needed those men to take care of me because I didn’t really care what would happen to me. My life was no longer important, nothing was.

The beast had nothing to live for and had nothing to lose as he rode brokenly out of his home town.

The beast thought of nothing, his mind going blank as he drove into the darkness, the only thing he could see was the flashes of the baby blue eyes that he once loved. The ones that were filled with happiness and love. The ones everyone loved. That is what held his every thought through the darkness

Those perfect baby blue eyes.