Cabin Fever

"I can't move on. I can't move out. I am in love and I am unable to move on."

"Oh stop your moaning given me a hernia." said mum.

"Hopeless case." SH

This is circular. Where a semi-circle would have been better at least I could have jumped off.

Blood-soaked handkerchief as my nose bleeds. There is no one to speak to. My mouth won't open.

"Smile you are on camera."

"Look it".

My hair now is white. No longer that young figure I am mostly this figure of fun where the man says there is nothing to see. Youth means we are the social classes and may mix.

People of interest because we are young. We do not stench the smells which make us less. Slim means just that. I am in this world where nothing else is important. I now smell onions because I work with them.

"That is so cool."

"Is it a new scent"?

No grooming and good health. It is the new social nuances. Get the hell out of my sight. "Get the hell out so that I may breathe that fresher youngster." He was talking about his grandson. Because youth amused him and amazed his lust for knowledge on what the young have to say. Dad shouted he destroyed the cafe because it did not smell right.

This is what it means social hierarchy and nuances what else can it be? I was young once and fair with it and gave out the right vibes and whimsically did the right things.

When I misplaced my heart it leaped for no reason. Because there was nothing to protect it from the elements. My poor beating heart could no longer restrain him. He fled from me left me and sadly I went and ebbed and flowed did not matter anymore.

Where are the rooms of many mansions is it not the truth we have different ways of saying the same things? How indelicate of me to state the obvious. " you fat slob."

Is not the right thing to say to someone but that is what they did say.

This is now in the time of the good fights and the good wiles of the Muslim suffering. When mostly we have become dispossessed and become the evil things that nobody has time for. It is immigrants and the ingrates.

And love died within me for my own kin. My skin wept. All that is the things we are now. We have left our good homes to go and seek work. Trashed and bombed.

Discrimination is so bad it sent us on the flames of service and made us servants. Oh, we and we are to blame or our families are because we are not allowed to make decisions at all. Look dears just do the job elect a good government and then make sure they do not steal everything and you will be okay.

“It is not that simple.”

“Well then come out and suffer.”

We are known as the thieves' bandits. Who rode off with the women who rode with the young. Burning down the schools now we are the teachers.

When we met our match as the cities burnt us out what do we do to get on in the world? We took what we liked and murdered the rest. Like wares. Look we did not mean to become the second felons in the world we were the first,

To begin with, it was only later much later that we became the second persons of interest. We discovered that what we choose to disown which was education meant that we did could not rob with the mighty force pen is mightier than the sword.

It is that it is okay because we are doing it if some other persons had done it they would be in some sort of wrongdoing. But do not worry yourselves we are in the right.

“I said too much politics not too little gone deaf when she wants to be.”

"We loved you and opened our house to you."

"Made me pay."

“Look there is no point in wearing a see-through dress when I have visitors.”

"It is deep cotton."

“Husband will be here soon.” Said auntie as if he was a God who would make it right. Why she divorced him soon after and lived with her nieces I do not understand.

“Not true don’t you remember it is over between you?”

“We have been having an affair so long forgot.”

"Have you gone mad? Telling my story without my consent."

"No auntie but everyone thinks you are dead in order to sue you must come back alive."

So someone had given me a copy of who I am. I am Sadi the sadist the woman who will do what I should be done.

Too late can't drive backward."

I set up a wail that they wanted to be shut down.

"We will throw you inside the well." Shouted the parents in between the screams.

This is your name Sadi the meanness of that name because none of my family had that name at all. This is you this is the name that marks you. I did not want to be marked.

In what does it say about the adults who put the audits to my name why was I set up to do such a terrible thing with a name such as Sadi? I mean the debauchery in the wholeness of the unholy acts of this type of unnatural nurturing.

"You are our prisoner," said B to me when she was only a child. Because of these words, it was true I was their prisoner a girl who did not go out.

I was interned?

"No, I can come in and go out again."

Now we have artificial intelligence for the players in the game. Perhaps their intelligence had left them. I do not see them as anything but condemned like myself.

There is a camaraderie and somehow this hope that someone would fall. That I would fail that day and they can go home. As if on the edge as if that is what it is all about.

"The room needs a good clean," said Mess to that.

You see when we give ourselves away when we feel for things disaster happens and it has we gave too much information out and now we fear to let it all out.

No more feelings no more at all.

"Someone is poisoning her against us." Said Zeks positioning her hands on her apron. She just sat down and sitting down she made her point. She loved to make a point.

"Well, it is the nonsense mother who can it be?"

“Nothing?”

There was this Lewisham incident when a madman died?

No humming and asking the fool what she wants. She said she did not want anybody in her life so she must be made to work.

"That is what the rules are."

"Where did the rules come from?"

"From your betters, you don't want to know." They said sheltering themselves from the nightmare.

"Who laid down the law"?

"Never speak about it," Fidel said.

“Well think about it there are certain compensations. Life is about compensating ourselves." Z knew where they came from she had been told because she married.

We live in an age where there are only queues to look forward to.

"You belong in that queue." Said dad and he laughed.

I can hear the laughter and the singing the dancing has got too much for the likes of mankind.

There is a giant machine that has to be fed. Blood and gore. That is despair? That is wicked.

The thing is we have the mental health institute outside now and errors do happen in hospitals so if the hospitals are outdoors. We the fools are shivering while the wise go indoors.

But he still flew off to her.

Crocodile tears tearing away at the heartstrings.