The Station
“A railroad without tracks is like a plane without wings”
-The Engineer-
Did you see that? DID YOU? No. Well that’s ok. I’ll tell why you couldn’t see it. Because it was just for me. Do you know what it was?...No?...Ok, then I will tell you what it was. It was a spark. But not your everyday average all around type of spark. It was the type of spark that can only be felt. The type of special spark that can never be seen. A moment. This is the story of a train that started with that spark. I welcome “all aboard”. No tickets necessary.
As you climb on you are immediately 1 of 3 separate categories. The “have been”, “the still”, or the “brand new”. To the “have been”, I would just like to say that I don’t blame you for getting off my ride before but I’m glad you’re back again. To the “still”, saying thank you and I love you doesn’t do any amount of justice to how I feel but there are no words that can describe it so I’ll stick with the standard rhetoric for the moment. To the “brand new”, I hope I can convert you to a “still” and not a “have been” by the end of this stop. Recently added to each of the seats is a never before seen itinerary. Keep in mind that it is and will probably always be under continuous development but for fucks sake at least we finally got one available. Free of charge.
Before the itinerary is opened it’s important to get up to date on the history of the trip up to this point. There are many components to a train. Just to name a few you have the passenger, caboose, sleeper, buffet, engine, quiet carriage, observation car, guard’s van, and so on and so forth. Usually passengers are allowed to roam freely amongst most of the different sections. This ride wasn’t manufactured that way. Lots of locks, hidden rooms, secret passageways, and the conductor you have seen is not the engineer. He’s just the representative. Let me introduce you to the engineer because the conductor recently got reassigned to a desk job. To do that I have to cut all the locks, reveal the hidden rooms, and open the passageways because it’s the only way to fix the machine and all the damage that it laid waste to. The healing has to start somewhere right? And there is no better place to start than the present.
“I have a mental illness!!!!” That is a statement that I have never made until just know. The term severe chronic depression with a side of mild schizophrenia sounds better. Oh shit,!! and add in Bipolar to an “unth” degree. The fact for me is that it has never really been addressed until not too long ago but it’s been there from day one. I’ll do my best to describe it but the truth is that I really can’t because unless you got it or had it, especially as long as I have, you will never know or be able to truly comprehend the daily struggle being trapped in a cranial coffin. Just like a blind person this is a disability. Just much harder to spot, understand, and accept from not only yourself but from those you’re surrounded by. But just like most people who accept their disability you can turn it into a source of power just like any time a blind person walked into my restaurant they immediately became the most interesting person in that room (I would just hope that the front desk doesn’t ask them if they wanted a “view” or “handed them a menu”). Interesting people have the ability to make a real impact on others if they choose to. Guide the way up through unlimited possibilities of endless tracks.
I can tell you right now as I write this I am much better than I ever was before and this is me reaching out to my family, friends, and the world that has been beyond my grasp until this point. Doors that were always locked are now open. The price of admission is your time. If that’s a fee that you can afford please allow me the pleasure of giving you the grand tour.
