What is your opinion?
fab
"not read all of this yet but I love the setting (Mumbai). excited to see where this goes !"
kept me on my toes
"The twists and turns really worked for me and kept me engaged. I assume the whole bit about the kids turning up on Elena will be explained later. I thought I remembered Vishal being shot. Was that just a tranquilizer or something? Could use some clearing up. I would say slow down some scenes to draw out the drama. Add dialogue not just to convey information but to flesh out the characters. Even more inner dialogue would help. The sci-fi element is fascinating. I think you weave it in really well. Curious to see where this story goes."
Chaos: Book of Discovery
"I went through your book and corrected some grammar errors in the comments. I think your book needs a fine tooth comb! A lot of sentences that are missing apostrophes and lots of errors. The story itself I liked in the beginning. Somewhere between chapter three you started losing me and then four came and left me like “what the heck.” You had a good book started with the detective mystery kind of feel. If you’re going to dip into science/fantasy- you might need some more explanation. Make your scenes more detailed so it doesn’t feel like we’re being thrown around in the book. I like the characters and the tempo of the first two chapters. It needs some work though. Hope this helps."
Interesting
"Your first two chapters were wonderful. You have a great narrative style, full of great vocabulary and formal phrases which are delightful to read. You also brought twists into the story - the second chapter was unexpected and exciting. The emotions were also beautifully expressed. I didn't want to give the story a relatively low rating - and I'm willing to change it if I see fit. My problem with this book was the confusion. A few plot twists didn't make sense. *Spoilers up ahead.* I was surprised when Vishal was alive once more. It all started to get confusing at that point where I pointed out my confusion at the Due la Manse. You had wonderful scenery - but it didn't make sense for Vishal to be alive. If you wanted that to happen, you had to slow the story down and slip in small details - unobvious, but which will make sense afterwards. A few concepts in your dystopia were also flung onto the readers - why were the men coming from different planets and why exactly was Gayathri caught up in the whole assassin's game? Why did Alex return to Arvind's apartment? Why were the two children from the planet Elena, and how did they know about anything? How did they become rulers before the Master? There are a lot of confusing questions that need clearing up. I'd suggest making the story longer. You don't need to explain things - you need to show us some scenes before the third and fourth chapter that give the answers to the questions above, which prevent confusion when everyone is found alive afterwards. Other than that, like I said, you have a fabulous writing style. I must commend you on that. You also seem good at finding plot twists. Keep writing!"
