Original and Promising

"To begin I would like to say well done on writing this piece. It was a blast reading and was able to keep me captivated for the full 13 chapters. Before I go into my review take note that these are my opinions and what I enjoy reading. Don't let what I say deter you from writing , in fact I hope my review makes you motivated to keep going and improve! Lets start with some of the negative I have seen in this work. To begin your story starts off in lack of better confusing. The first chapter normally makes or breaks most people and this can potentially be a turn off for some people. The story of fuggar and the hunter I believe it was? Captivating tale and perhaps a bit of forshadowing around chapter 4-5. The premise for it was intriguing and it was made clear it was just a story. the second half of chapter 1 went to explain the realms and those that dwelled in it. It was an interesting read but you wrote it an awkward 2nd person pov which I think would have been better without the narrator interacting with so many You' and I's intertwined. just a personal taste is all. There were a few minor typos here and there the ones I found I sent you feedback via email ((disregard Isat didn't realize that was a name sorry)). I did not fall in love with your writing style I felt it did not captivate the mood you were trying to portray. As I have commented in most of the chapters practice on showing vs telling and work on world building and the physical sense. Onto the positives of the story and I have to give you some worthy praise. This is truly a work of art a diamond in the rough waiting to be polished and shown to a jeweler. The plot of the book is amazing and feels truly original. I have not read nor heard of another story like this. So I give you 5 stars for the creativity and imaginative storytelling. Next I would like to point out the interesting way you depicted the seven deadly sins. The creatures known anan and assa ((hoped i spelled those two right)) were an interesting pair in a colony of thousands of fragar. You effectively made them a solo protagonist while keeping the mentality of the colony unphased. The way they gained energy from said emotions ((sins such as wrath envy greed etc)) was rather interesting in that they can taste it in the way that humans can feel it. My favorite part of your work was around the chapter 5-7 mark where Cervux (( again sorry if the name is mistyped )) is torturing anan wanting assa to be released (( or vice versa I am bad with names)) the plot then turns from "not going to let you win and have her " to a "oh damn there is another big baddie here to fight Cervux".. The demon Cervux was an excellent villain to this book and he was portrayed well. After he was killed off I felt cheated in a sense. Regardless of him being defeated I wanted more of what he can and will do. Which got me thinking... the fact I cared to see this character more means you did a good job making me as a reader interested. Past the halfway mark of this book out delved into the emotional aspect of your characters and show a type of writing that appears promising. Your depiction of how annanassaa is able to feel love was touching in all regards and I loved reading it. At the end of the day that is all we want as writers. To have our readers relate to a story and find it attractive and amusing while telling their friends about it. You have a good story, one I will be keeping an eye out as you add more to it. Fix some of the minor things I listed and tidy up the plot and all will be well, You have talent and I tip my hat to you. Cheers!"