What is your opinion?
A nice start!
"I've only read the first chapter since that was all that was published at the time of this review, but it's a good start to what looks like a family/teen drama. The main character, Jamie is very relatable. She comes off as someone who has lived her whole life as an outcast and has become used to her isolation. She does not even notice when people reach out to her and try to befriend her. Looking forward to seeing what happens next!"
Needs some Work
"Hey there. I understand the rating is low, but hear me out on the reasoning behind it. I noticed quite a few things that could be improved upon. I will start with the praise and work my way into criticisms and I hope you are willing to be open minded about the opinion that has been generated for your piece of work. The novel is off to a slow start, but the character seems intriguing to the point a reader feels a need to get to know Jamie better. The details surrounding her are interesting and her background is unique. Two great qualities for a main character. The introduction of Elijah adds in a different tone to the story. He seems to be her complete opposite and a great character to introduce drama and problems around. A good element to add to a story. Unfortunately, the only thing I can comment on here though are the characters. I've yet to see a real plot develop and it could be because of how early on the author is in the chapters, but the basis of the first three chapters have been, introduce main character and her life, introduce a secondary character and his friend, and have secondary character and main character meet. It's very classic boy meets girl, which isn't a problem, I am just wondering, what is the inciting incident to start the plot of the story? What happens to make Jamie change her normal daily routine? The blurb is also unfortunately, not much of a help to help describe the plot that will unfold. Instead, the blurb is more of a description of the main character. I would like to see something added to introduce what the problem starts off to be. Secondly, for all of the characters, all of them are very surface based. The reader is told each character is this or that, but there isn't much detail to give the adjectives substance. I would love to see more detail added to give the character's depth. Another thing I saw was that while Jamie starts off a bit stand offish, by chapter 2, she is snuggling with a complete stranger. Where is the logic here? If this is set in modern times, which I am guessing yes through the hints of Nike and instagram (bravo on those hints), what makes Jamie so comfortable around a stranger so suddenly in chapter 2? During the time I was a college student, a female college studen, I was constantly on guard on campus. If I didn't know someone, I kept my distance because of the possibilities that could happen, especially if I was alone. I think it would help to give more reasoning behind why all of a sudden we are introduced to a stand offish female college student and in chapter 2 she is reduced to a shy, yet obedient female when confronted with a complete stranger. I loved the stand offish part of the MC, I would hope this characteristic would be something she can grow out of or come to a personal reckoning with throughout the novel. When describing how a character talks, in chapter 2, you state Elijah is yelling a lot. He is in an enclosed space with the MC (his car) and it is already stated he has a strange attraction to the girl, so why is he yelling? Music isn't blaring, she isn't yelling at him, what is the cause? Perhaps the word yell could be replaced by other descriptive words to indicate more sarcastic responses or perhaps exasperation. The yelling portion seemed illogical. The author's writing is very choppy and very much tell instead of show. It follows the guidelines of "The character did this. And now the character is doing that because she was raised like this." I would enjoy seeing more descriptive paragraphs that include subtle hints similar to how you dropped "Nike" and "Instagram". Also, instead of telling us she isn't the richest because of where she lives, show us. Show us what she walks out of her house to everyday. Show us the emotions she feels when she leaves her house. Make a character feel! Give her passion, hopes and fears. I would love to get to know Jamie better through her dreams and what she wants for her future. And if she is a girl in college, her dreams have got to be huge. I would love to read more about them. Also, I think re reading the first three chapters will help notice the choppiness. The details of what is going on do not flow very smoothly and could use some work. It might help to read what you are writing aloud. What is being said verbally can sound very different than what is read and can help you see where things could be added to help induce flow. Last, but not least.... grammar... grammar... grammar. It is something I personally struggle with and I know it is something every author struggles with. You are not the only one. Again, re reading will help find the errors, but there were enough that I was noticing them every couple of sentences. Also, run on sentences. A lot of the paragraphs blurred together because a period was missing and two things were smooshed into one sentence. Also, something that can be cured through a re read. Overall, it is okay, but I know it is just a start. I hope to see more substance and depth to the characters and the plot and wish you luck on your writing journey. With some work added to the flow of one sentence to another, I think it will drift through a reader's mind like butter on bread. I know you can do it and hope you continue with it. There is a lot of work to be done and I hope you're prepared!! Ps. This is not my final review and I am excited to see you grow as a writer. :) Also, it reminds me more of a set up for a play. Have you considered creating a manuscript out of this?"
Good
"it has potential to be a great story❤, i really like the use of the third person point of view. and it would be good for those into professional manuscripts"
