Undesirable

This story is being rewritten for the last time. This is the absolute finish once it’s all published.

I apologize for my two or three year hiatus, I have severe writers block and have lost the art of entertainment in a story. I hope this final update in this story is what I was looking for. This book trilogy is now just two stories long. There will not be a third book like originally discussed back in 2019. For everyone who has already read this story before, I want you all to know this book is changing. Some things may be similar but this book has changed, and is changing. Will not be so immature, and will most definitely have more accurate facts, on top of more detailed. So if anyone was originally disappointed with the outcome, please give me a second chance to prove immaturity is what made the story lack. Thank you for everyone who has stuck around. Much love,

Audrey, 23′ version

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“Eat a burger.” Sydney, my best friend tells me as we sit down at the cafeteria table.

“Eat less of them.” I smiled unpacking my lunch bag, a salad I made this morning, with some slices of seasoned chicken. Sydney had the school lunch, literally a burger, some highly processed fries, and some pork and beans on the side. She looked at me, then her food, then mine, “Don’t you ever get tired of eating the same thing every day Tess.”

“Not really. It’s great nutrition, the spinach protects my immune system, the olive oil dressing has no processed chemicals or extra fat in it. The chicken—”

“Blah blah blah is all I’m hearing out of your mouth. You seriously need to eat more I can wrap my arms around you 9 times, you’re so tiny.”

The other girls started sitting at our table surrounding us with extra noise. Being popular when I didn’t even want it in the first place, sucks. I can’t handle all the attention. Everyone constantly looking at me, comparing me to Charlotte, while comparing their own bodies. The rumors, the slut shaming, the body shaming, everything is nothing close to what I expected when I went to public school for the first time my freshman year.

The football boys surrounded the cheerleader’s table, everyone huffing loud and talking was so smudged together you could barely hear what they were saying unless you were right there.

“World to Tessa.” Emmaline said to me, waving her hand in front of my face. “Stop staring at Asher, you’re way too good for him.” They all laughed.

I didn’t even realize I was staring at him. He’s blonde, muscular, the football letterman jacket they have with the school emblem. He’s just so good looking. “I’m too busy for boys, there’s no way I’m interested in him.” I replied back.

“Sure that’s why you were totally undressing him with your eyes.” Haelee said to me.

I hate mentioning it but I’m the biggest virgin in this whole school, I’m pretty sure in the whole town of Pueblo. I might be saving myself for marriage but in no way do I not want it. I crave it sometimes. I Never touch myself, or anything crazy like that but I do think about it all the time; what it would feel like, penetration, their mouth, everything I’ve ever learned from all my friends, I want to know what it feels like. What virgin doesn’t.

“I wasn’t. Just seeing where all the noise comes from.” I smiled.

We continued talking for the remainder of our lunch break. We talked about the game coming up, the party they’re all gonna go to, and most importantly prom this Saturday.

I can’t tell you how badly I want to do all of these things with them, and wish I wasn’t so strict with myself. I just can’t let my mind slip into the horribleness of greed, lust and selfishness.

The bell rang letting everyone know lunch break is over, and make their way back to class.

Sydney is my best friend. She has been since before I started schooling here, she’s the reason why I picked this school specifically. She’s a year older than me but that hasn’t changed anything about us and our friendship. She follows me everywhere, protects me from other people who try to pick on me. Sounds dumb but I’m insanely nice to people, I’ll let them walk all over me so I can see them succeed.

She was walking to our next class with me, when Asher stopped me in the hall. “Yo, Tess, you really should come to the party tonight. It’s to celebrate your big win.” He smiled.

I smiled back, “I’ll have to check it out.” I could hear Sydney’s silent reaction of What the actual F*ck, as I said the exact same thing in my own head. I have never, ever, ever accepted a party invite I don’t know why I even said that.

I sat down in class, feeling Sydneys’ eyeballs glued on me the whole time. Mr. Ericson stood in front of the class, instructing how safe resources for sex can all be provided freely, at the nearest planned parenthood.

How ironic.

I felt my phone vibrate in my lap, and Sydney’s name popped up in the chat bubble.

What happened to, 2 bsy 2 prty

I clicked my phone off not wanting to get in trouble for being on my phone. It’s too hard to focus though. All I’m thinking about was how I’m going to ask my mom and dad if I can go to a high school party. My phone buzzed again.

Prty is n Pueblo, dummy.

I freaked out a little bit more. There is no way they’re going to let me go all the way to Pueblo for a party. Not after what happened to Jason two summer’s ago.

“Ms. Reynolds, put the phone away.” I could feel my cheeks getting redder by the second as everyone’s eyes looked at me and I couldn’t escape. I shoved it in my bag, and looked behind me at Sydney, and glared at her.

At least he didn’t ask to have my phone to hand it to the principle or something stupid like that. I think I would’ve just killed myself if that was what was going to happen.

Once Mr. Ericson finished his lecture basically about safe sex he gave us all a paper to fill out so we can go through a textbook to find what he was previously talking about.

I got up from my seat, and walked up to his desk, “I’m incredibly sorry. I didn’t mean to someone kept blowing up my phone and I was trying to silence it.”

Great, now you can add liar to your sinning list.

“I just don’t want to see that again, you’re my best student in this class and you shouldn’t be breaking my rules like that, Tessa.”

“I understand it won’t happen again.” I smiled, “May I please go use the restroom.”

“Yes, go ahead.”

I grabbed the hall pass and walked towards the bathroom when I heard two familiar voices. Charlotte, and it looked to be another very familiar woman, and an older gentleman.

“Charlotte, you have to leave her alone you have no idea what she’s been through.” I heard the woman say.

“Boohoo that was so long ago, they don’t even remember. If I’m gonna have fun in high school I’ll do whatever I want to get that. Entertainment, for me, is an elective, required to graduate, my options, limited.”

“I’m staying out of this. I don’t even know why I was pulled here” The gentleman said. I hid behind the wall as they were arguing right in front of the bathroom which I really needed to get into.

I haven’t seen her face in so long, I thought to myself. Her short brown hair is now long, her body seemed loved by the children she blessed into this world, and she didn’t look so sad anymore. I’m glad she’s hopefully found her happiness.

I stepped out from the corner I was hiding from, and walked towards the other bathroom on the other side of the High school. It seemed as if they weren’t moving any time soon and I didn’t want to talk to someone I once knew nor do I want or desire to speak with Charlotte.

I turned the corner and ran into a very broad chested man. I looked up to see who I ran into, noticing it was the man talking to Charlotte earlier. “Sorry I didn’t see you there.”

His blue eyes screaming into my soul, he had a smirk on his face and his cheeks were slightly pink, like he was blushing. God this man was so hot up close. I couldn’t really make him out when he was so far away. I’ve been completely scared of men my whole life, my mother telling me they’re animals, looking for prey. I’ve just been to scared of her judgement.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t looking either.” He smirked, “Looks like you were in a rush so I’ll just let you by.”

I looked down, and walked past him into the ladies room. My heart is beating out of my chest and I was struggling to breathe.

When I was all finished I washed my hands and headed back down the hallway, seeing that strange man again, but this time walking out of the school.

What has gotten ahold of me? Tessa you need to get your focus back on school, boys are a distraction.

I got my bearings together and opened the door to the classroom, everyone working on an assignment, being quiet as much as they could while their eyes all lay on me. I hated this attention, anything where people’s attention falls on me, made me wince in embarrassment like I mentioned earlier.

But me walking into the door, wasn’t the reason everyone was looking at me.

Today is game day, how could I forget.

Volleyball is bigger than football at this school, even though they probably get equal amount of attention. I sat down at my desk, and Mr. Erickson played what was on the projector. Asher appears on the screen, I couldn’t help but stare at him but think about the stranger I ran into. I was practically drooling.

“Tessa Reynolds, prom is upon us, and being we’re both Captains of our sport, I believe we’d be a perfect score at prom.” I could feel the heat rise in my face, turning red from embarrassment, before getting fueled with pure anger. All of a sudden the door opens and here comes all the important foot ball boys holding signs “Will you go to prom with—” then here comes Asher with a “ME? Yes or No” board. What would be more embarrassing, saying no and let him feel the same embarrassment on top of being harassed for saying no.

“I don’t know, Asher. If I go with you I’ll be embarrassed, not because of you or anything. I just don’t like this kind of attention and Charlotte has claimed you as her territory, it’s already choppy work between her and me, might as well waterboard me if I accept your promposal.”

“Come on Tess, give me a chance.” I thought about it for a moment and as much as I would love to accept, he wouldn’t even look at me if he didn’t know I was a virgin. “If you get permission from Charlotte and she approves, I’ll accept your Promposal.” I smiled.

Everyone clapped, and cheered, as I slumped into my seat. He was at a high while I was at a low. Sydney leaned in from her desk, “Congrats to scoring the most wanted man in this whole High school. Come to the party to get your mind off of this.”

__

It was the last point we need to win the game, the last match since we both won 2 games each. It’s currently on overtime, we’re 16 the other team is 15. If we lose this game we don’t advance to the finals. If we win it’ll be the third year in a row. It’s up to me to win this game. Everyone is relying on me to get this point.

I raise my right hand above my hand, my left hand in front of me the volleyball still. I walk forward, the proper steps for the jump serve before throwing the ball up, tracking it with my eyes, andmaking strong forceful contact with the ball, smacking it hard. My eyes follow the ball as the other team stood there for a moment with their mouths open. As the ball falls right next to the weakest players foot.

We won.

The whole gymnasium roared, and my team tackled me to the floor in excitement.

We won.

Is it bizarre to say I can’t believe we did. I thought for sure we lost it. Maybe the anger I felt was built up and I took it out on that serve. It was the strongest serve I’ve ever done. I could barely keep track of it.

We won.

I laughed with them as they all helped me up, having to go to the net and shake/high-five the other players hands. They looked so upset. I don’t blame them, they played rough this season.

Now in just 8 weeks time, we will be heading to Montana to play our biggest Rival. They’ve got new, tough freshman this year who sport injuries to other teams like they’re nothing. But for now, I just need to relax.

After some of us got changed, I went to go find my mom and dad to ask them about going to the party in Pueblo. I need a distraction.

“Mom, Dad!” I said, shoving through the crowd of people. My dad hugged me, congratulating me on my big win. While my mom just stared at me.

“Can I go with Sydney to Pueblo they’re having a celebration party?”

“Of course, but just don’t drink and check in every hour.” My mother smiled.

“I don’t know, Sheryl. I don’t want what happened to Jason to happen to Tessa.” I respectfully bit my tongue so I wouldn’t seem disrespectful.

“I’ll be responsible I promise dad.” I smiled, “I won’t drink, I just want to be with my team and let myself relax for once. I won’t be any trouble.”

My father hesitates for a moment, before he looked at my mom, “Just this one time, please check in every hour, I just want to know you’re safe.” He said kissing the top of my head.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” I said, walking away in a rush “Love you guys!” I slipped on my leggings as well as my grey “East High” Angels sweater. Leaving the building as Sydney waited for me to get in my 2017 Toyota Camry.

I can’t believe we won.