broken poetry

THE BROKEN POETRY

And I know some poetry of her bleeds, it‟s only because of her nostalgia she had in her heart

If you know her story you could feel pity with her words that bleeds through her pen

It‟s because some of her moments went by typing the poetry she could share

All in her heart she could sob until she forgets the nostalgia she has still.

Maybe she tried to ask herself in mirror?

Why do these exist?

The heartbreaks isn‟t a common thing to swallow Even for a girl how does it will be?

Even the poetry never been good at the high schools When she got marks

All is that she got addict of black and white motivation

In brain when he left is that too easy to move on with the phrase:

Let it go?

Said the heart to brain

In emotions we call as a love as its own contemporary We make love

Because we feel with those emotions

We play with love

Because of heart breaks

Even separation is never ending

It‟s a lead where every phrase

Could sense

And the back spaces often knew its truth

That fails to deliver with it

We could erase our original feelings

Without having heart breaks

And yet she is a girl always moans

In night

And dark is her color and silence is her harmony Yet she could breathe cold

Once she had a love true within him

And every phrase could be spinning with the tantrums

She loved though.

3

With the caption she started typing the poetry again

“You couldn‟t judge your heart too it always has its own ways to make you fall again when mind stops too”

“Expecting the same from you is equal to cutting me into thousand pieces”

“No one could protect her sufferings until he comes and tells everything is going to be fine! But when? Asked her heart but brain just hated this phrase “he is going to come again” but with the same frustrations she smiled sorely, she replied again nothing is going to be same again whether it could break you again or nothing as same you carry your feelings grow for his one message he entered !!

Let‟s break!! She said once but it broke twice when he replied in one night. Omg! she smiled again with the heart beats once soaked her pillows now she replays again with the words what he tried to play and the phrases he spoke it broke into million pieces even her dreams shatters are common for her love still runs through her veins and couldn‟t deny that she couldn‟t forget with the first meet she felt for him. It took the decades to fall for once but what it means is he never felt alive by her aside!! But for her heavens are created again the bliss you couldn‟t pamper her within his shade she flowered again by his side then you can‟t describe what it was what it has.

As she stopped!! She released her tears light with the words she continued to sob!! So someone can understand her pains with the aches that broke her. Now what is the use? whether he came never but what happened was mesmerizing her love wasn‟t a lust her love wasn‟t just for the appeal of something, she says still her love is something like a rain calling its scent through the mud before its time to flow the breeze through the window it just pulls her closer to the window and that time she remembers him. Does it only one time? Only when rain pours in the ground someone asked?

She smiled, as she peeped the window those breeze turned its speech she again, smelled his scent through closing the eyes and replied “May be once with breeze but with his love reminds me the first sight we felt”

She continued to gaze the rain with the tears she said to rain “you were beautiful scenario but you were the most unsolved story that I could speak” you never spoke

4

But your harmonies can speak with the decades that are hidden. “Even I lost the scent that I could smell with his shirts that pulls me even tighter than I think”

Sometimes it was warm during the cold breeze laying in his chest feeling his heartbeat, those days with him was like feeling in heaven but today he was the only reason I could sense the hell without any permission it is taking me to see the other life which other people doesn’t need to live with it . May be it’s a curse or boon!! I could still say it’s more alluring some days with the reminiscences we both had it’s a cute portrait to depict the moments with him with the one song that describes thousand feelings at the time.

Even the playlists doesn’t lies with the one song that could relate with the words which could speak with a reflection of him even if he is no more too.

The emotions that were extinct today, some days it’s vital in night as a dreams or flickering thoughts that consumes us couldn’t recite those situations when we couldn’t let it go.

Some love stories would have been so great to tell, but conclusions are always lull because we know all love story isn’t perfect as we think.

Sometimes she notices everyone and asks herself, why everyone is ever-changing? Is that life needs every time a change? She could ask questions but who could answer, she stared the sky often because only the mind and the heart knows her secret what she thinks and says with her eyes, how her body conveys its message to the universe without shouting but screaming with the actions that could speak aloud !! But she believed sometimes “everything happens for a reason” and she moved with a thoughts wandering in her mind she walked in the distance that her legs dragged her into the sight he came!! In front of him she faced the legs down and faced him eye to eye sight with a shocking moment they both starred deep, with the sense of air she awakened the moment he asked like what happened? Didn’t he? Doesn’t know? How I suffered last night when he just told let’s break? I came into senses, when he tried to open his lips.

He casually asked how I am. Is that what I need to hear now? Nope, she needs a hug that could tell everything is ok! but he just asked like a third person am I just ok or fine. I asked myself. Am I really fine? Never but I need to maintain it like am ok

5

Because now onwards it’s not going to bother him because he left me like am useless in his life without leaving a reason.

It’s like 6 years she loved him hard but she doesn’t know how it’s going to be the next 10 years with the broken heart she could live. Whether it’s 6years or 10 years she could live with the reminiscences she has about him but she couldn’t really get from that either she needs someone to distract her from the depression she holds on with the past that encountered over a night she terribly couldn’t accept the fact that that he is just a past. On her presence is she is alive with the thoughts with the road that moves in one side.

Next side she isn’t ready for another patch that could either deflect for months then it pains for years she knows as she peered her friends she isn’t ready for anything that it could lead more worse, she just walked with a path that journey elapsed but next side isn’t that much easy as she thought she needs an answer for what that lead to break up.

Suddenly she saw her diary and found the pages about the feelings she wrote

“Love is about painful remarks and beautiful stretch marks in both hands everything is bliss when it comes to love”

And remembered that she is a broken heart how he broke every time was killed Renee without a knife Renee wept,

She remembered something before public exams she got hospitalized she don’t know what happened all she needs to speak but she couldn’t do because she never saw varun that time because he were never met that time so she got typhoid doctors said that time I couldn’t even blink my eyes that much Renee said soon she got her mobile beside to inform varun that she is hospitalized but she couldn’t call him because of drips she had in left hand but she tried to send a message in face book that she isn’t feeling well to his friend but they said they will come to see but at that time her fever raised severe but she didn’t stop messaging him but he never replied to her messages but she couldn’t understand what’s wrong with him but yet she realized its reaching the end.

But next day she got recovered little with the medications doctors prescribed but yet she was worried because he never came to see or he never texted her.

6

But then she met her best friend after so long but she was little happy to see her childhood friend after a year’s she got changed her house little she isn’t in break but when her family comes too she is more break like a glass no one could feel it she smiled after seeing her friend deepali what could be the next? You can ask yes we hugged each other we chit chatted for 10 mines that what she asked about where is your boyfriend? What could I tell her?

I just told her it’s over because it’s been month he is ignoring her but what could it be worse? When she is hospitalized he never came to see she even convinced her little heart that may be he is busy with some issues but he was ok she guess but sometimes she used to see her hand with drips that never pains but her heart cried too loud with the pain he gave.

Everyone said “ignorance is bliss” but when you suffer in ignorance you know what it pains like you need to die with each seconds in every sixty minutes.

Sometimes I miss myself into pieces and make myself hurt for million times.

It’s because I feel broke with a reason.

That’s what he gave me without knowing what it is she just went mad to hell she lost her grade with thinking like hell.

But he succeeded in his public exams but with his thoughts she touched the hell without conveying to him.

Before a month of public exams Renee sent a forward message contains of 31 lists that can be selected as how they feel about others so she waited patiently what it might be after a month he replied by selecting 29th option it said I LOVE YOU!

Renee was surprised but same time she recollected the hurt he gave that one month, but she convinced herself that love is about mixed feelings.

As a reply Varun forwarded the same message but to the varun’s expectation he thought Renne could send the same option but she selected the 28th option to get so close with you (is it the same as she needed to tell in paragraphs but yet these simple words explained?) she wondered.

By then Renee got a proposal from the boy when she went to tuition but without knowing it she accepted after a month because of the terrible problems she couldn’t stay calm so she itself needed someone to lean in so without knowing what’s going on Renee proposed ashwanth but Renee maximum tried to tell ashwanth all problems what’s going with her life but meanwhile she learnt that her true love was doing some mistake so she tried to find what it is.

7

Renne with the confused mind didn’t want to spoil ashwanth’s life, so she decided to speak about what’s disturbing her mind.

In tuition ashwanth asked yes tell me babe, what’s bothering you she reluctantly opened herself, ashwanth I know that I said I love you because to mend myself from the problems but now that’s the problem she said. Ashwanth facial expressions changed lightly and in spite of that he gave his hears to listen

Renne continued Ashwanth my ex is my problem I thought it’s break up but it’s not as I thought still I have a reason to get the answers she said by the time ashwanth said see Renee am not here to make fun in your life as for my eyes you looked pretty so only I proposed you but after a month you accepted me.

Not as you think am true with you even but you tried to open yourselves as you in confusion now you made me the same situation he said to her

This complicated bond doesn’t need to go further they said so they turned friends again.

(It was mutual between them but she was happy to end this obscure relationship).

He helped her to solve the problem for what bothering her in past life. But little she regretted to accept his playful love.

But later on wards the same thing happened with Renne he started to talk again like nothing happened but yet it bothered like everything

What’s happening?

Renee with this confusion she begged him to as what happened but same thing he said nothing busy then she kneed its nothing between them

This what her emotions welcomed the state of depression his behavior towards her was the only reason she went to high peak she became isolated for years she locked herself with the window that showed every light even with the darkness that took granted with her love

Mean while another depression was her family Renee isn’t blessed with a beautiful family either beautiful love

She already losted her father in small age she couldn’t yearn his affection in certain stage when she needed him.

8

She losted a guide who can teach how to live the life

But meanwhile you can ask? What about her mother

Renee smiled palely she is schizophrenia patient.

(Renne’s POV of schizophrenia in poetic lines)

She is a human with lit’s of scars in her heart

Where she could openly say she isn’t aligned for it.

But she says (am ready to face when disaster and success on same way)

With hallucinations and her disturbance is such a abundance

It always speaks with an agony in distortion it actually distracts her from doing what she really love to do.

She lacked herself in the name of voices that created her new world that been cursed as “schizophrenia” She don’t aware what’s present and what’s unpleasantness all she believed the kerchief that been tied her eyes from facing the reality of truth.

The truth she uttered stands in one firm and from another point it had been labeled as she is a great story maker.

The truth is people gazes their nightmare only night.

Only she is profound with the nightmare in both day and nighttime.

Trust me , they are something who could tell ho dangers are tasted with the tip

She goes in .

She is awake in both visions

She is something always finds a reason for starring at something where the scares flows with the unknown words builds the anxiety in her.

Where the fictions speaks to take her life to death.

Were her life speaks about the image that we don’t sense.

It always creates the sense of assumptions in herself.

Could you ask more than this she said to darkness?

But the darkness hugged her with whole heartedly so she speaked herself to the dark once again dear dark, I wish I could say the truth what he did with me she sobbed he hugged me twice he beat me once he never abused that much but more than that he killed me with every actions he could dark I couldn‟t mend this again what he gave she sobbed with the pet name he called her what is there in her? When there is no purpose to love me? Why is that needed to toy my feelings? She begged in the dark without a food

Then the day came to tell the truth why the reason to break up is:

For every two reasons we don’t trust first we don’t know them and then we know them. she thought but then continued with the truth he need to tell Renee I have met more people who have felt in love or in first sight till locking their eyes till death he said but I never loved you or loved you I don’t know now but he asked Renee ! Do you love me still? She said after that much openly yes with the scars yes with the hell to heaven I shout it’s you man I love still she said but simply she couldn’t scream like that because it’s something more serious she kneed but why such talking should she asked him.

Ok fine let me tell you something this could hurt you more but if I never say this you will die more Renee he said.

But in shock Renee prepared this but to face this situation she replied yes tell me varun

Renne in our life we meet more people but yet we see for more feel for one person you know that already but yet in my life I found my feelings were swinging with you and to another girl at the same time but Renne you were the awesome person I could find but my love never selected you it wasn’t the option to make you alone you loved me you love me till I die I knew it well but I couldn’t convince my feelings renne all I could say is I can’t betray with me and to you.

9

Renne I loved once but am sorry, now he said very clearly before the public exams she had got this went by one night he convinced her to stay as “let’s be friends”.

Is that she needed this? She asked herself?

She cried after the exams she could say almost everything went hell with her life

At the time what she can do?

She even stayed late to convince

She again begged with one single chance

Still with the stubborn he never let inside

He treated like she is a lie

He treated like she doesn’t exist

According to him she is a toy

He messed her life and left

But every time she tried to mend herself one thing that never made her to fall once again

But she tried to mend the broken hearts she could share her love

But this time she learnt every broken pieces needs a love to feel those distraction

Every broken heart needs to understand only one love isn’t a journey is enough for a bad chapter she mentioned in her diary.

Is that mean? She found another you could ask simply

But every time when she likes someone her heart strictly goes to the piece of past that broke her so vulnerable.

With the name she could smile boldly with others because where the pain is now strength

within the break of that night she could say every night was a anxiety clouds in her little head she could say she even got abused harassed by someone she don’t know.

10

Even he said that day you can even abuse with the words for what?

It needed to speak she is already hurt but why need to hurt with those abuse words?

She said not at all I could do like that but I couldn’t scream anything so I never tried to shut myself for this reason

Yet I need to find more reason she nodded

After a month she created fake account to find what’s really happening it’s a nonsense thing she knows but more things needs to be visible to her heart rather than the mind revolving his thoughts around

And then she sent a message as she prepared herself to show her fake she took the photos of some known friend to find the exact reason

Whom he loves?

What is his real character?

By the time she learnt everything

He loved two girls at the same time

One was in virtual

And one was reality she knows to respect his feelings because he has that but in confusion he could have explained that but what he did was sin faking himself what he is going to earn?

She felt depressed and pity at the same time but she prepared herself to face the real time so what she did was insane but yet there she invited him for her birthday by then he never said anything by seeing her message he never responded but not giving up she sent a message for 100 times less or great than to convince him but she convinced him she thought so she invited even his friends too they said they will be there but in her life she had a bad habit which was the big reason for the betrayals that life offered her

With him she always lived in day dreams

Yet she never gave up in her dreams but what life took was her real love the real feelings with is destiny.

11

Even when the teacher teaches the lesson she wasn’t aware of which lesson they took because her thoughts drifted with different world at least it’s a long distance relationship what can it favor is living with the dreams that could engage her love more better with him.

But in real he was making his love with another with many girls his feelings were never seemed constant in this alone.

He may be perfect with everything but in the love he always seemed losing himself in pieces.

Some guys are there who loves true even with heart break they stay single because they knew how it pains to betray others.

As Renne called varun on her birthday he hesitated her calls she kept on calling him but after a great disappointment he never picked the call so that day she was expecting him with his friends till dawn so that only her two friends came so she couldn’t think about that since she gave 21 missed call to his number yet he never answered she knewed now that he isn’t ready for friendship too but yet she didn‟t give up she just messaged him in whatsapp asking why couldn’t he pick her calls but then he replied late by 10:00 clock in night as it was his first day of college he couldn’t attend her calls so he apologized with her reply she never got convinced with his reply but yet he said shall I call you?

Now she ignored because of her expectations she kept on him but yet he pissed her a lot today because it‟s her day but yet he ignored her like nothing.

Like this her life went but she could say all her heartbreaks arrested in those 1 year there was more person to fall of her kind but yet still never chose anyone but meanwhile she thought of accepting someone to mend their heart this will be sort of medicine for broken hearts she thought

Renee got her college break nearly for a year because of her family‟s situation so that she got more addicted to face book that time

Getting the heart break mend she thought of getting more friends to forget the past but what happened was merely worse she got tons of friends but none understood her but somewhat it‟s ok to have a friends but the tragedy was from the same lane

12

It was her friend from online named Vinneth he was like more than good friend Renne thanked she could say every problems to him but not her heart out but meanwhile to describe about vinneth he was like Renne by her character wise it has to say it was sink between them but what was this ?

Renne could ask they were like sister and brother but yet later what happened was beyond the fate play in their destinies I could say Renne noted on her diary

Renne was like free she got more four friends which aligned her alone life where he left from vinneth took this pride as her brother but yet he told all his feelings one night to Renne

As like he had past like her. By hearing this little disappointment in Renne „s face but what it can be sometimes they are more friends sometimes they are very caring yet still this relationship has something more Renne told

But Renne needed a distraction from her past. It haunted her for years now her only hope is her brother Vinneth she could say but her feelings just wavered to one end to another by then full sadness or happiness she could lean on to his online brother vinneth

But Vinneth made his closest connection to his sister Renne and both came so closer like original siblings be he met Renne with her family they gossiped she enjoyed but in her heart she knew he is also a broken heart with 4 years greater than her how could be he such sweet with me and too my family . She smiled after a long time but she thought it‟s just an infatuation but she was scared to lose this relation but with these she mended his heart he said

He called Renne to speak for 2 minutes in person so they went to backyard garden to speak soon Vinneth said to Renne ok tell me what you think? About me but this isn‟t a first meet with both families it‟s been a year she thought

She opened her mouth to say what should I tell about you? She asked Vinneth but vinneth wasn‟t surprised because he knows deep in his heart he likes her and yet she likes too

By then she said I think 2 mines is over brother she said

But this time he didn‟t like to hear that word brother from her

13

Because this time he had feelings for Renne he could say Renne means lot to me more than everything I could do anything

But everyday they started talking their conversation leaded to 3 Am now.

Renne wasn‟t surprised to say she already developed feelings but yet still never confessed all could say broken heart can only be mended by distraction so by thinking she couldn‟t do anything so she followed her heart what it says

After few weeks of college end the exams have been over for Vinneth so he was excited to meet Renne yet in dreams or real he followed to fall again with the eternity that brings them so closer

She could tell now it was superb morning yet it is breeze outside clouds are gazed in her eyes with whole pretty birds singing its own harmony yet she smiles with the nature how that makes her to fall with someone‟s memories whether its past or present she knows only with the one it goes and time decides who must be with her

She got herself to the college ready as she was going she met Rita (Varun‟s present girlfriend) it wasn‟t good day she thought but with her she met varun too and she couldn‟t digest the thing she saw . At morning she saw happy things but meanwhile it unsettled her day without speaking she crossed the road beside her Varun came to wave HI! Renne but she was silent as she couldn‟t stop she just moved the place as far as quick but varun never stopped he chased her to speak with her.

Meanwhile in the collapse Renne met with an accident with truck hit her. Renne wasn‟t conscious now she was undergoing huge blood loss but not dead. With noticing surrounded people and Varun rushed renne to the nearest city hospital where he regretted each second why to leave her alone and to see this I would have ended my life with you Renne am sorry please wake up! Please call me as same idiot am really sorry dear please god take me into your hands please give my Renne back please he begged to the gods hands

After taking her to Emergency ward Renne wasn‟t conscious to speak the name of

Vinneth but for that seconds she needed Vinneth to be with her but unaware of her

condition Vinneth with the excitement he took the white roses to propose Renne on

14

the way to reach her in college evening he embraced with the expectations what Renne would say he was very excited and unaware of situation.

With the 3 hours the doctors returned from the emergency ward and with the blood stains and tears in Varun‟s eyes

Varun in hurry reached the doctor to know the status about Renne soon Doctor told not to worry it just she lost her more blood he said she is fine but yet she is unconscious with the pills that are given to Renne not only for sympathy varun is standing out but yet to be there with her he said to himself yet doctor still said she needs blood (AB+) because its urgent

As renne and varun are same blood group he never thought anything suddenly he rushed to blood bank to ask about whether they have AB +ve blood but in blood bank they replied with they don‟t have that blood group alone soon varun got blood donor‟s number list in blood bank to get AB+ ve blood no one is interested to give blood but although varun blood is same he forgetted he has the same still in tension he called the list that bank has gave 50 lists had been over still he is nervous only 10 lists is left his thoughts made him scared what if she never get a blood? Heart palapalations beated first as it can

Yet 8 numbers left but only two are more with the tears he prayed lord ganesha straight please god at least do some magic with Renne yet she is fine now but what happens when she never gets blood?

It‟s all because of me he cried pale with the red spots suddenly he called the 9th donor in the list but yet there is no good response leaving the faith he tried lacking in confidence but 10th was to surprise they answered to the call in positive way and varun just asked about the donor name and to the surprise its Vinneth he just accepted to visit the patient to offer the blood but within a hour he reached the city hospital without knowing its Renne

With the same smile he patted varuns arm he said don‟t worry she will be alright by the way varun asked to meet the girl who you donated blood but Vinneth said he has some important work and left the place quickly.

With the total excitement he reached soon to Renne „s college with the White roses in his hand and he was waiting patiently to propose Renne

15

When it’s been 4 clocks everyone returned to the gate one by one everyone gone but yet Renne never came he tried to call her more than 10 times but yet it is unanswered but with the expectation he was waiting but there was no sign of Renne

Soon it‟s been 4.45pm then there came Renne „s friend anusha her classmate as by crossing the gate Vinneth stopped her and asked about Renne meanwhile anusha told everything to Vinneth with the shock he dropped the white flowers and with the tears he rushed in his bike with the speed of 120 km he reached the city hospital there he was shocked to see varun and asked about Renne he said she was in ICU and now she is doing fine but hearing this words he was fine but he need to see her so he just rushed to the room where she was with her drips and blood bottle that been transferring his blood to her by seeing this he told see Renne am there for you without even calling me . I came for you don’t worry he just hold her left hand and said see this is your engagement ring we are engaged now with the sensation Renne opened her eyes but with the big confusion she finds both her past and present are standing beside her she couldn’t think what happened with her all she thought was these hard time must never repeat the same sudden rush with the door there she saw Rita coming to Reene room with the tears with the angry in her face she turned to Renne why do you want my boyfriend to be in your side but renne wasn‟t in the good mood to face Rita yet she needs to face vinneth with his questions but in collapsed mind varun didn‟t let his mind to flow towards Rita but she was very angry he knew that very well but with the double mind he couldn’t do anything one was his feelings never got fade for Renne but yet he was in confusion who was Vinneth now in Renne „s life by seeing Renne‟s left Ring finger he couldn’t digest the thing that happened yet he was guilt about it but what can he do now ?

He just left the place with the thoughts and regrets by holding Rita’s hand he left with the confusion but today it was clear to Renne yet he has some feelings to pour for her but what for that when he break her heart soon she came to her presence this thing shouldn’t have happened Renne thought but what for? This accident this is full of answers she need before she poured her love to Varun .

16

Today she has beautiful present but yet she got an answer with the questions she ask for but with the broken heart she is too alive but with the love to Vinneth can be a distraction but couldn’t be permanent solution she could say

But after 3 years yet there is different story that mined her life yes it was her 3 year of college life she was doing her engineer yet what she could say?

Now her life without anything just going like there is nothing to do with it.

That day she had her Vinneth with her but today she ignored everyone with the peace she could live she said

One day after Vinneth‟s proposal to Renne she didn’t accept but yet it was good to be around with him. Within the single day he can be loved by everyone Renne laughed. At that time she only concentrated with getting better with the health but with harder days Vinneth helped a lot staying her side with day to night she could tell he loves me to heaven she laughed but everything was on right track she said.

Day by day Renne went well with the distractions she used to go out with Vinneth but somedays she used to rewind her thoughts in dark times same it repeated her life someday but sometimes it made me to pause she agreed only when Vinneth speaks but vinneth needs an appropriate answer for his life he is already 24 but still he isn‟t successful he is too engineer but yet his salary could manage to live a proper life Renne said

By then renne could say the difference the cold, carable,blonded ,trustworthy everything is perfectly aligned with Vinneth he is so soft in everything even he is wise with the advices he give to others

But every perfection with him could say I am not aligned equal Renne sobbed

Even with fight Renne could cry to hell but what it is suppose to tell me is every dark side of me goes to past

She remembered every moments with past and present but what destiny is going to offer her?

Is still amusable

17

Renne again continued with her third year she never said anything to Vinneth still he awaited for her answer but what she done was good for everything

When Vinneth offered her engagement ring she didn‟t accepted that after varun left her place she thought it‟s bad to took without hurting his heart she slowly touched his hand Vinneth can I say one thing?

Yes my dear! Say he said Vinneth I know you love me to heaven even I was happy you stayed my side but now am not in the state I could accept as you in my life sometimes I need time but I couldn‟t say anything now she said for many times it might change but permanent change is life will someday will offer me could you wait? For me she asked

But in double minded state Renne couldn‟t hurt anymore to Vinneth she Knows it will fade someday but with varun its impossible yet later it teached her well

By then suddenly one day after a long break she forwarded the message of happy New Year to Varun yet he asked who is this?

But with smiley J she sent it‟s me Renne just came to wish a good year she told

As Renne was little bit shy to send a first message yet he reacted hey it‟s been long time its good but be in touch Renne he told

As varun never headed anything in his mind he just asked about everything he could even what status of her heart is?

Now she doesn‟t holds the answer is yet I still remember you as my love but today it just a past I could nod to myself

Now he asked me yet I never replied to his message if Vinneth comes to Know that I texted varun he is sure he will kill with his silence but it just a good head of that year she could say

With full of that year Renne and varun had something with their past yet it was not totally solved she thought so once in her birthday(20th birthday) she asked Varun to wish in call just a wish but to her surprise varun called renne as first in morning with her happiness she couldn’t measure how smile she had .

18

He said many more happy returns of the day Renne with the love she had she went into heavens much she could say that much she loved him. But with the voice he sounded like he had cold she asked softly hey you have cold? Then why did you called? She asked but with big smile he said it’s you asked me how could I forget that?

It made her day with simple words but he asked why so happiness? With one phone call she said by giggling because you are that much special to my heart she whispered slowly.

Then she cutted the call because he has cold so she said hey! Varun please take care drink hot water!!

With the last words she was very happy to smile again she said

But after 2 months Renne called varun for inviting to her college cultural but yet she wasn‟t sure about what will happen with everything she called him

Even Renne could say how it might be able to happen? With the betrayals that caused in past is such an haunting she takes still but yet now it‟s magical the phrases that was once unexplainable now it was a quite changeable with expectations and without expectations she could tell how things get clear without having expectations she said

Renne just invited him to cultural but day by day its getting eager to know the status whether he is coming or not so she texted him just to ask whether he is coming or not but he replied she never thought this message he said I don‟t even know anyone but am only coming for you (those lines only coming for you ) could say how much it means to Renne but yet she was happy and she kept in mind not to smile or cry for this what he said he will come to see me .

Renne said that‟s ok I will be there to receive you and I can even promise not to leave you in crowd she giggled yet this phrase could speak as truth (but she joked even it has a double meaning to note) she thought

Seeing that Varun sent a smiley J and she checked the message and not replied and with the eagerness she went to take dress for cultural before the day.

19

With total hectic she bought full black to look special before him. This was more expectation she could say but god knows which day he should come which day it needs to happen.

But everything didn‟t went like Renne thought all she could do was not expecting as more special because everyone says expectation kills it already ruined in my past she murmured herself the day begin to face the night as moon called her to sleep the dreams were higher she tried to not to think about it but with the dilemma she couldn‟t sleep she noticed it‟s been 12 the time were moving fast without waiting for anyone even Renne couldn‟t ask for pause if it can wait for renne it is something more special she dreamt but yet it remained one thing clearly with sudden strike to see his whats app last seen timing yet to her surprise he was in online so she texted again to ask whether it is sure or not but he said he will not make regret once again she smiled as she waved bye the moon slowly called its night to sing her beautiful dreams yet she is going to face again once again but tomorrow it‟s for good she thinks and sleep .

Hey beautiful! It‟s a sunlight waved her face with the big smile it knocked her she was like checking everything needs to be perfect today! But somewhat she looked like she is something wow!!Yet mom itself made a blissful look she got kajal to keep before the ears. And who can give a such a compliment yet a day or mom‟s words she was delighted though but yet it wasn‟t good she symbolized but sometimes happiness and sadness are both the phrases of life. If life could show more sadness yet every happiness is locked with one person she could forget her world she sensed with the quote.

Then by eating she left to the college again she called with tension whether he could come or not? So that she will not be in dreams she thought

With a single call he said he will come but she wasn‟t prepared with the answer he gave so she came to decision he will not come so she left her expectations or thoughts

She maintained her sad face that made her sob little but as she said it‟s like before.

But yet she called and he said he will come without begging this time he arrived but yet there was no expectations it was there day to say with the tears in morning

20

sudden calls in her phone made her to blush without a reason but this silly things could be love means it wasn‟t came with the right person she took sad . But it was all magical from 1st who knows it happened with god‟s way as he planned to open them but yet she never told the truth that she is still into him but still after meeting him she felt the same love that was hidden these days or years who can say? this moment is needed for her bruises that been in her heart without letting her pain this way or that way feelings just poured in the name of bless and curse she said . No expectations could plan like this. At one site it was perfect to say Renne was totally felt him with his eyes that been telling his pains, sweetness that could tell now

Yet she smiled more!!

By waving his head varun and Renne reached to the spot where bikes are placed and Renne asked the first thing that striked her mind it‟s about Rita she asked but he said I already breaked the feelings but yet am waiting for her to talk he said

Their conversation was much faster than the time he arrived but yet it‟s a surprise for Renne he came before her eyes they got incredible things to say much each other but yet this world could say world went near the horizon where Renne could sense her love that touched her soul beyond her universe he is a savior to hold her the connection that been lost between them once but it started to shine bright without anything she could say now she is still in love with the sight she saw but still there is no sign he could feel the same .

Renne eagerly wanted him to stay full yet with holding his hands forever but it can‟t happen once again because this is their meet once with three hours of stay with him

They enjoyed with everything like chit chat, gossiping, eating lunch together she sighed briefly but everything was perfect even his lies to Renne

She smiled like moon was in love with her feet but he was stunned to see her happiness that because of him even she hesitated everyone when they tried to speak with Renne she just lost into him with the whole world she forgotten everything her smile made him mad she could tell even he made her smile with the lies that isn‟t possible or promises he said that day but for that second they were

21

really like they were in love with each other once again while he was leaving her she asked do you remember my pet name ?

He said yes! Milky to a surprise she wasn‟t forget anything but with this name she blushed more with the phrases she said to him miss you!! Lot

He replied to her why are you missing me?

Yet if you miss me you can call me he said

They played they texted that day was really a magical journey she could tell

Within those days she just remembered him more this what her heart needs a perfect moment with him

These way she mended herself yet he was the only reason she couldn‟t tell that she loves someone

But if the feelings are strong it is faded once again because of his moments Renne

Within the thoughts still she lives but yet she never goes for anyone because she knows the wrath of being broken again what yet? The heart needs still?

His memories his moments till the death embracing each other‟s hands that could say how much it means to the people who love truly

Either they could say love hurts?

Is that true never said the Renne it‟s all the people hurts but love is never faded with the identity

Within the bruises and the pains she lives all alone without looking each other His concept was never an end but that was the end in her love story

Within this she made up a decision either she should never take the feelings to anyone

The tears that weighed today its light now because of facing it she is now strong to battle with herself

Who can say?

22

The battles are less but within the hearts that losted love knows how it pained someday yet it scribbles it to ease the sad moments it always ditches but when it‟s true it‟s only on your feet.

Love is never a curse but people make it as its curse with the thoughts they make

Still though everyday passes with the distraction she found her the way to mend is was writing her pains and now by 6 years later she was a writer of her own sins.

Her profession was like different yet her pains gets smudge when she hears that name Varun

Still the smile that never faded but the feelings was in rest in peace.

And after meeting him her life changed he also confessed sorry to her because within the moments that had spent was priceless he knows well but some things are there yet that been avoided him to make such distance like strangers .

And that was last message she could read and after that her journey was different to tell either Vinneth never crossed because she couldn‟t explain him why she doesn‟t have feelings for Vinneth but sometimes it‟s better to tell the truth and move on so she dropped everything via the message she could do after that she changed herself

And this was the end that god decided but with the karma he is a broken heart too And with the feelings she could say “karma is a boomerang”

Still there is a life to move but within the troubles Renne made her right in her profession when time moves the pain are something that could make life incredible someday .

If that means to come in your way it will find a way to come in your life Renne completed her whole sentence.

At the end she got the award for “the lost love” novel with the great memories that been dedicated to the one who found her way to love every second.

Thank you