Nothing Changes

"Miss Mrs or whatever you are come and join us or you will be fooled." Said mother in a hurried manner she always adopted when she was doing some double cross. If her mind or heart was not in it dad would whack her and tell her off. It was a mother's duty for her to have all her ducklings within her. I was by that time nearing forty and felt ridiculous and so must she but we had to pretend we had to because we were cornered we were cornered by dad a most malicious man the head of some gang.

I was lost in some gaga land which was never ending hospitality and good will. That was the key and that is the key that is why they are not caught out until someone dies. There was a lot of over weight people, through dining. That is because we get too much sugar or oil that father had something a little stronger did nothing for his own liver problems. We all got through time and spaced out we did not know what had happened to our lot in life. Our problems is your problem but if you mess it up you are on your own.

The reality of living is of course death but when the life we led was not very healthy because the mother was having an affair. He is known as the boss what is he the father. I did not know who that father was but he was related to me everyone blamed me for him being never leaving. He said he had something to collect and he is known as the collector. If he does not collect he does not leave.

To have a bed to sleep in is very important because one recovers refreshes oneself. The bully stayed and had his wife. The adopted dad went out for the night. Dad did not he stayed put in his car many nights as mum had the frolics as he put it. He did not ask for that? Well he had been promised a wife and he had one what eels.

He had been out smarted everyone knew about this and laughed at him. They laughed at me for not knowing their laughter cascaded into some hollow sound when the world became alit with the wars and the flames.

Mother sat down most of the time. There was things which said things which done us for. Dad sat down and laughed and laughed and the other dad just faded out and pretended sat down and wallowed in his urine and infections. Life is about logging the suitcases on holiday. And then died like a carcase worn down bare down bone.

"Love you." Then they went to Izmir and had a lovely time.

"Love you too." she was not nice back than.

The matter of fact of words.

Almost done us words almost done for me the words. Like a rhyme or hymn going down into dangerous grounds. The underground of hell. We behaved well to each other except if someone failed or fell. Then we did not pick that person up we just let him or her there. Rooms to let persons to let passports to let. Same person different id. Persons of importance should know that is a business idea. Deal is done.

"No passengers. There is only good intentions."

The fall came when dad was trying to climb onto a van. A good van with the white van with a shouting driver. He screamed as dad fell. He just said it was one of those men who crept and died. He made us so jumpy that we sat down in silence as dad shivered at the knowledge.

"Death seems to be lurking."

Petrified he wet himself.

"The cure is death of course."

She sad and care worn did not like us to go out. She just wanted asked begged for us all to stay safely inside. If she could she said she would put us back in her worm. Her fat stomach giggling like a sausage as she said that.

What shook us into silenced resentment was she never wanted us round her. She was such a sly dog. Enjoying life with only one leg. Two husbands and one leg that is something in life. And her nurses looked after her as if she the mother Theresa and sat down and listened. If we looked sad or ill she would just shrug she had plenty more where that came from.

Mother sat down and said one day I wish I had seven husbands one for each day of the week. There was a leer in her mouth which made me think she nothing to do with the reality of motherhood.

Mother had more bottom while dad shook in his socks every time dad came round to collect. He sometimes collected from foster dad and he disliked me forever more. He said I was his curse did not leave home they had tried and tired of telling me. To get a life. I did not want to rid myself of my life. I said was satisfied at home. They shrilled. They just did not know what to say. I had tried to avoid telling them. I was trapped too because when I went away something always went wrong lost money lost tickets did not end in the right place at the right time and did not want to be where I began.

That is how daddy makes his money. And rules the thoughts the fears of the people surrounding him. They think of him as the master of them all. The dad we must all have. Myself included I don't think or feel anything anymore but curiosity to think we must all live under him if we are to survive.

No man is a island although they might try and romance within themselves. Individuals do exist but it is cause and affect. The cost is that we all pay in the end what we do when we begin is lack maturity. Our faces tell our stories as we age. My face wears the mask of silence.

"As we breath nice to see you all."

Our left overs our lives are the things which give away so that it matters when we die. When a woman gives her eggs that makes her immortal but when that egg does not protect her what does it do to the whole damn thing?

"Sperm is more important." dad said out loud and I thought maybe the woman's lib would get him but he never made such remarkable observations outside the closed doors.

We give life so we are protected from the strong when they come to take away ours and our own. We give life so we do not remain alone and weak. So that our helpers come to our aid and that is what we are. We are the old, who are in there with the genes and the eggs so that when they come to take us away- we are there protected instead of vulnerable and alone. That is why we have children. That they can stand guard over us someone to watch us and make us feel secure.

Square and plump mum was sat inside her cage making remarkable progress one day and the next having a relapse.

What we are the environment and the genetic make up and the things which we think about that is my creed and I hope to see it through that the entire things are combined in my literary endeavours which are down the drain the moment I write them and go down and down and never surface.

I live on a island and there is nothing the matter with this is there? England is a island and so is Cyprus only difference is one is poor the other rich.

"We in Cyprus are now rich we have got many banks statements and facts which you don't know about that is why we dislike the tourists."

"People go there to be bored."

"We like them that way."

I have become involved in some reminiscence yarns within the years coming into my vision and they coming and leaving me stranded. As the years are passing. They are lost in the sea saw of motion and then they stopped. The years stopped. The thing was stranded in a sort of cave within a cave asking nothing meaning everything and standing for the things most sad and despicable.

Within this linear vision yawning gaps in that mirror took us in the eye and smashed as if the eye saw too much. But no communication. She did not say a word grandma stood silent as the grave. The very grave which they denied her the family plot not being hers. She had been in some way discontinued disconnected and thrust with them who were enemies.

"Do not sleep with dad grand aunt because he took away the lands which you hoarded all your life."

"Destroyed dad you know."

"His sleeping with an old aunt for many years having wasted his time."

“Seeds which we sown together not mine and the more seeds which I beget the less likely these would inherit.”

“He peopled more genes until there was hardly any room to make the land work.”

We mourned for the things which we must forgive which they done to each other. Actions witnessed by them children in that very room which saw her being raped unfortunately yes unfortunately this is not a pleasant tale.