Chapter 1
Change. It came like the wind, swift and light. It's impact hardly notable but also impactful. It could bring a man to his knees, burn a kingdom into flames, and ruin love. There were two types to change. The kind which was small and hardly noticeable. And the kind where it wrecked everything and everyone in its path. My type of change is the second one. I learned the hard way and this is my story.
It was a sunny day where the sky was bright indigo, the light wind carrying the scent of sweet cherries and the faint smell of spring. I wanted to be outside enjoying the gaze of the sun on my skin but unfortunately, I was stuck in my room learning about some long-dead people.
"Princess!" I looked up to see my history teacher glaring at me. Madame Roxine was a round woman with white skin- a rare complexion against the Htraen's dark skin. Based on my small knowledge about what happened years ago, a plague killed all the light skinned people on my planet and only left behind the dark-skinned.
''Yes Madame?'' I smiled up at her and hoped she fell for my charms. She just stood there, arms crossed, an angry look on her face.
''Who was the first president of the United States?'' I blinked not expecting the question.
''Um, Donald Trump?'' The loud slam of hands on my desk started me. Madame Roxine edged towards me, her face inches away from mine. I resisted the urge to gag. Her breath was the mixture of onions, garlic, and the intoxicating fumes of goarberry. All three made for a very unpleasant smell.
''You stupid, selfish, undeserving child! Donald Trump! It's George Washington!'' While she was screaming I was trying to lean as far back as I could.
''Okay... can I leave now?'' She gawked at me, mouth exposing images I would rather not see. Then she was gone.
''Get out! Get out! I am telling you!'' I hiked the skirts of my dress up and ran as far as I could. I only stopped when I was outside the room.
''What did you do this time?'' I looked up to see the smiling face of Ruby. I chuckled and shook my head.
''Why does it have to be me? It's not my fault she's crazy.'' Ruby was the definition of perfect, something I wasn't. She had long dark hair, chocolate colored skin, and dark enticing eyes. She was like all the princesses in all those fairytales. Beautiful, kind, and smart. She gave me a sympathetic look and hooked her elbow through mine. Another thing, she was tall. I had to look up at her every time we talked.
''This is the fifth time this month someone quit because of you. Your parents are going to be angry.'' The smile on my face disappeared. I hated to think about my parents. To me, they were practically strangers. They were strangers that left me to the care of nurses and servants. I knew nothing about them and they knew nothing about me. Ruby must have seen the look on my face because she squeezed my arm.
''Let's not think about it, for now, Star. We can go get something to eat. I heard cook made some pastries this morning and you know how wonderful her baking is.'' While she was talking, she was leading me towards the kitchens. I didn't know what I would do without Ruby. She was like my lifeline, the one person who I could trust with my life.
We soon reached the kitchens where the Cook was near the fire. The kitchens were a series of large rooms with a fireburner, marble countertops, and huge glass walls. Anytime you came here, you could smell the teasing aroma of spices, baking, and cinnamon.
''Oh! What a surprise princess.'' Cook stopped what she was doing and dipped into a clumsy curtsy. I rolled my eyes and took her elbows to help her get up.
''How many times have I told you to call me Starline? I'm hardly a princess and you practically raised me.'' She just shook her head at me.
''So what brings you here?'' She dusted her hands on her apron and smiled at us.
''Well... we were wondering since we are such good people-'' Cook's skeptical look stopped Ruby midsentence.
''We want food,'' I declared, giving her my best puppy dog look. Ruby joined me. It was kind of like we were ganging up on her for food. Cook sighed and Ruby and I smiled knowing we won. We jumped on the countertop while we watched Cook prepare our snacks.
''Here you go. Don't come back until dinner,'' Cook said sternly. We nodded and took our stuff.
''Let's go outside. It looks like a good day to do nothing.'' Ruby looked at me and snorted.
''Star, all you do is eat, sleep, and annoy people.'' I smiled and lightly punched her shoulder.
''But you love me.'' She stopped and put her finger to her chin, pretending to think about it.
''Hmm... I don't know about that. Okay. Fine, I do love you.'' We headed towards the shade of a nearby cherry tree. Cherry trees grew around here a lot and in the spring when it bloomed it truly was a sight to see.
''Here Star. Have some oranjra.'' The voice of ruby shook me from my sleep. I took the cup and before I could drink it, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my throat. The last thing I heard before darkness claimed me was the sound of Ruby's voice.
''I'm sorry Starline.''
Interesting concept obviously in its early stages. Personally, and just so the story has an immediate hook, I'd be inclined to delete the first three paras and go straight in with 'Today was the Day of Celebrations - three celebrations rolled into one' and then tell the story. Get right into 'show don't tell' and let everything unfold as part of a nice dramatic story. The ideas has potential. You just need to get your reader involved from the outset. Just something to think about. Hope it helps.
I agree with litherlandb. I would start with the perspective of the princess at age 18 let's say.
I personally think the concept is great! Although, like literlandb, I would recommend that you start with the immediate hook which in my opinion was the 'Today was the Day of Celebrations' bit. It's a very interesting plot, and I definitely will continue reading this!