Walking With Life

Oh life life life life life. Why does it have to rip things apart? Why does it have to make me so miserable? What did I ever do to it? All I wanted was to have the courage to face my fears. But instead, it throws trials, disasters and SO MANY heartbreaks. Why does Life hate me so much?

I try to make it happy, by telling jokes and keeping it company... Maybe it doesn't like that. Maybe it doesn't like my jokes or sense of humor. Maybe it doesn't like company, or having people be around it. Does it just like to be alone and watch the people down below, or is it just me that it hates so much?

Can it be that such a faithful and trusting Life that gives me breath each day and energy to walk, only does it, to make me face the misery ahead? Or is it making me watch all of the lovely people with their own Lives strolling alongside them, just to taunt me? Making me see all of the love and giddiness and then looking at myself in the mirror, my Life standing there beside me, with that rude little smirk as I peered at myself in the mirror. And what do I see?

Me.

A small, helpless and defenseless girl who wants nothing but love. A girl whose only dream is to find someone who would love her like she sees others loved.

Oh how I pity myself so much. My poor self with a Life that only spends its time ruining me. Why oh why does it do it? I do not understand. I always thought of myself as a good girl who does as she's told and loves all who she sees.

As days pass, others start to tell me otherwise. My Life cackles as my father tells me how I'm such a mean, ungrateful, cruel, stupid, gullible and rude little brat. It laughs as I make my mistakes by losing sight of the light.

Everything is dark and cold, the silence piercing my ears. No noise or sense of anyone there with me... until I hear the laugh.

"You stupid girl. You think your wishes will be granted? Who will grant them? No one is here to know, nor grant them, for you have NOTHING." My Life moves about, that cruel face staring me in the eyes.

"You have nothing. Nobody is here with you, but me. You are lost in the dark, with hope next to nothing that you might find a way out of here. And who is here to save you? Nobody."

It's like my Life has been planning this moment for years now. Each day of my life, creating its plan to crush my hopes and dreams. To make me alone and isolated.

How could I not have seen this?