Sparkage

She wears strength and darkness equally well- the girl has always been half goddess, half hell.

-Nikita Gill

I watched him at the bar and wondered how the hell I could get someone like that.

He looked like a fucking superstar, he was flawless. Annoyingly so. I drank my signature drink of vodka, lime and soda and continued to drink him in. He was standing at the bar, talking animatedly with his friends as they laughed loudly, I could hear them from all the way over here. An ice cube slid into my mouth and I pulled it out with my fingers, sucking on it absentmindedly. I think that you need to have large circles of cool friends that can be your ticket to men like him, you can’t just walk up and say;

‘Hey, I want to be the mother of your children, all 5000 of them.’

I sighed as I turned my head back to my present company, Yannis and Frankie, who were currently sucking face. Marvellous. I realised I had drained my drink, and needed to go to the bar. I pushed my way through the sweaty crowd of people and met the eyes of the barman, waving my note in the air, signalling I was almost dehydrated from lack of vodka. I sneaked a glance at the guy, and edged over, readjusting my silky shirt to show my ample cleavage.

Let me just explain something. I’m not desperate, and I have standards. I have options, for a start. Some I take up, some I don’t. But I am constantly looking for that instant attraction, ideally with an attractive stranger. I don’t want a relationship- at all. I want to be desired, I want to be showered with attention. Once I have that though, I am bored again and looking for the next hit.

I’m a fucking nightmare.

The guy had turned and glanced at me, then turned back to his friends, disinterested.

More annoyance. I got my change and decided to talk to him, fuck it. I tapped him on the shoulder as he turned to me, slightly irritated.

‘Yes?’ He said, exasperated.

Sorry, what?

’You are incredible to look at. Seriously. I would have your children tomorrow if it was at all a human possibility.′ I flashed him my sexiest smile and he nodded dismissively.

‘Thank you. Enjoy your evening.’

Wow, really?

He turned back around, continuing his conversation as though I hadn’t spoken. I got rejection sometimes, but I always wanted to know why. He probably liked those really boring plain Janes who just wanted to crochet or knit all fucking day and had little princess crown braids and plaid shirts and worked in museums. I was violently annoyed now. I sipped my drink as I walked back to my seat to see my friends had clearly moved on. Brilliant. I sat back in the seat, sobering up rapidly and becoming aware that the seat was sticky. With what, I did not want to know. I pulled my phone out, tapping onto my Facebook messaging app and refreshing my messages. I had a dick pic, which I scrutinised. You don’t get us girls doing that do you?

‘Hey, my name is Zara and here is my clit.’

Urgh. I cast my eyes around the bar, searching for my friends when I noticed someone staring at me over their glass. I quickly continued searching the room- remember, I’m not desperate. But please also remember, I do like attention. The man made his way over to me, and I sipped my drink like I hadn’t noticed, the familiar excitement pumping through my veins. Honestly, I’m a serial killer’s wet dream.

‘On your own tonight Zara?’ Ah, man. It was a friend of a friend, Andrew. Andrew was definitely desperate. The problem with desperation was that it radiated from certain people like a stench- you avoided it like the plague.

‘Andrew. How are you.’

I asked politely, wondering why I was left with making small talk with him tonight. I so wasn’t in the mood.

‘You look hot.’ He tried, and I turned to gaze at him, his boring eyes raking over my body, sweat dripping down his face.

Oh, Andrew.

‘Not met anyone tonight then?’ I was surprised he was trying it with me, of all people. We had been through this too many times and it was becoming embarrassing. In fairness to him, I had slept with his friend, and I know vodka makes me do silly things sometimes-but not Andrew. Anyway, tonight, vodka and I had made an agreement to only behave outrageously with men who had excellent DNA.

‘I’m just saying you look good Z, Jesus.’ He exhaled then and looked over at the bar miserably. I felt bad then, but I couldn’t give this guy an inch or he would take a mile. It was that time of the night where if you hadn’t pulled, you weren’t going to. So my mind turned to food, my second biggest love. Nom.

‘Have you seen Yannis or Frankie?’ I yawned, picking up my bag as I drained the last of the vodka. Goodnight sweet friend.

‘Yeah, they were at the downstairs bar.’

I nodded, making my way confidently across the room, which was emptying rapidly. We made our way to the downstairs bar where I found our friends up against a wall, practically fucking each other whilst clothed.

I cleared my throat whilst Andrew laughed beside me.

‘Guys, you need to remove your clothes to achieve penetration.’

I yawned as I made my way to the exit, collecting my coat from the cloakroom. I heard a giggle and I turned to see Frankie pulling Yannis behind her, a stupid grin on his face.

‘Shall I get us a cab?’

He asked, looking around the road in a confused manner. It was full of people who had just left the bars, girls staggering with ridiculous heels on, makeup smudged as they screamed into phones with tears down their faces as they asked their exes WHY, some girls were flirting outrageously with their catch for the night, and others just stumbled around looking lost. Most of the men were eating, still managing to look good, no makeup running down their faces, no tears to speak of. Just glassy looks and kebab sauce dribbling down their chin. God, I hated being sober at the end of the night.

‘So, a cab?’ Asked Andrew looking at me hopefully. I rolled my eyes and gave him a look that assured him I would never be giving him a sympathy fuck.

What did he think I was?

I was getting irritated now and made my way to the chippy, the vodka feeling lonely in my tummy. I walked in and ordered chips and gravy- my go-to 3 am breakfast.

‘Do you think they will ever just get together?’

He muttered, nodding to Yannis and Frankie. Long story short- they were destined to be together, but only when drunk. Once sober they barely spoke, all wistful looks and slight innuendos. I didn’t understand why they didn’t just get on with it. I shrugged as he walked out, hopefully, to go and prey on some unsuspecting girl lacking the desperation filter.

‘Oh man alive I’m starving, Nico, can I have everything from start to finish from your menu.’

boomed a loud voice, and I turned to see a large man smiling broadly at the man serving who nodded at him.

‘Usual Terry?’

He asked quietly, and I watched in horror as poor Nico filled his silver platter with a fish, kebab meat and chips. No doubt to soak up all the beer in that heavenly gut. I shuddered as I was handed my chips and gravy, which now looked like an appetiser in comparison to Terry’s feast. I stabbed it with my fork after dousing it in salt and vinegar and made my way back to the street where Andrew stood awkwardly, and I saw why. Behind him leaning against a closed shop was Jake Spencer.

Immediately my heart began to race and this time I cursed the vodka for spotting the fact Jake had excellent DNA, but smug that it had missed the fact he was an absolute slut. Honestly, I didn’t think there was anyone he hadn’t fucked. Myself included. Still, I found myself staring at him a little too long.

Oh for fucks sake.

He was typing on his phone, his black shirt tight on his muscly arms, tucked into ripped denim jeans, his black hair falling into those come to bed now eyes. I forced the chips into my mouth as felt an arm on my back.

‘I’m sorry about earlier. What’s your name?’ A voice breathed into my ear. I turned to see the guy from the bar looking down at me, his eyes glancing around us suspiciously.

I nearly choked on my chips and prayed my lipstick was still on.

‘Zara.’

I managed as he nodded. ‘Zara what?’

I frowned at him as he held his phone up. Facebook shone back at me in all its blue glory.

‘White’ I said. He found my profile and checked with me. I nodded eagerly, fuck it, this man was God.

‘And you are?’ I called after him, aware Jake’s eyes were on us.

‘You’ll see.’ He said, jogging backwards and out of my life.

‘Almost pulled then? Some Scandinavian hunk too. Never mind Z. You can always come home with me if you like.’ Jake smirked as I rolled my eyes.

‘Been there, done that, no thanks.’ I remarked as I heard a ping from my phone.

‘You have a friend request from Johan Bach.’

I smiled then, before adding him to my collection.

Perfect.

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