Bodies

We in England speak in pigeon Turkish and mark the time when we could go on a holiday. Remember the past as ever-present because we were young.

Memories come back to me. More bodies from the past as if in driftwood marking the lines on the concrete and carting me along with them.

The things that made me what did it matter when a child can't speak? Can't communicate because cannot hear. What ails your mother what does it matter. When there was only her who cared.

And did not have to stay indoors remarks did not hurt. Now intensity is here. The self we had been. At school in the house and then it is not me. It is not the fool who wept. That had been so vulnerable had been hurt. Fallen on evil days. No one to see to the graze no one to find out the school to report. Parents' evenings left fled them. "What is that for?" Would ask the mother with some glee as she used her toothpick to unpick some meat from her teeth.

The school I was alone because had nothing at home but food and warmth a bed which said gratefully should be.

"We lived in some style two rooms what to do how about you?"

"Oh gosh just a penthouse."

"A pet house"?

"Oh gosh must get along now to the small flat."

I am the victim of a raped woman who could not bear to look at me because of her memories. So I was foisted onto the other members because they did not see the point of me going elsewhere because of the honor of the family who could not look after their own. We are able to look after the mistakes below the blankets and all that we are not going to admit defeat.

When someone like me happens to someone like dad it is not right for some other person. The man fled and left. I mean namely the step ma. She said she could weep at how silly I was trying impossible and terrible. Why did it happen to them when they did nothing wrong to God or its people? Teenagers can be so rotten.

He is impossibly now mature out to grab someone more like his own station so he sat down settled.

Legs opened like bridges.

"Happy now we are all upset unsettled take her off."

When they gave to charity and did better than most in bringing into the world children who were producing and doing well at their school. I was a terrible child and should know how lucky I had been just to be born.

"Know your place?"

"I know my place."

"Well that is better," she said.

I did know my place.

Next moment I was making her daughters scream with something like kicking and pulling their hair out. What did I do such a thing when she spent hours doing their precious hair? She had built a bird's nest on one and what did I do crashed the whole lot. It was terrible what in this world did she do to bring me into her life?

The thing got so bad we hardly spoke anymore she realized I was an idiot and with my grin, she said she was certain.

I always smiled she said made me nervous and she added.

When did it happen?

In the 1970's we were all in this together being a family when she said it made it worse it made me feel like it had been back in the 1960s.

I am sorry but the abuse had been organic. She would say words and then repeat them down the years. Organize your thoughts and make them tidy like me. Her pencils and sharpeners were all organized enough for bloody everyone.

When one's mate leaves leveling one the aftermath is cruel.

As if the repetition made her mask the better. The story of a sorry wife and mother who would not harm a fly meant she did things better at home she was housebound.

She did not want anything like me in the house making her house hell. Someone else can say something different and worse but to be homeless in such early years is nothing if not nothing. No one respects me because everyone thought they had given me a home and done me a service. I mean what can a girl do but be grateful for being given such a home as that?

"But we loved you."

"I knew you as a child and you were always difficult."

"You are not outside you are within four walls what else do you want?"

"I don't want for anything."

That was when memories started to flow and then flood in.

I said silence met me as if silence is the last word.

"There you can't say a word because you are so happy."

"Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet and that is what it was I was smoking myself to death in some sorry manner."

"Louse hit us all the time," Zeks said in some unfortunate manner. I began to itch.

"This is what you get for being a silly woman." She said at another time.

"Mum why not go to that hospital appointment you know it is essential."

"Don't you mind as you said?"

"No, I do not."

I just threw the towel in or something and did not mind the two little toddlers went happy and more happiness to the corridor and spent the rest of the afternoon.

Their unique language is known to the rest of the boarders in that way crying or asking What are we wanting from you is service. I am not able to do that. I want your money but no service. When their nappies needed changing or they needed food.

I just hoped no nurse would come and check on us at all because it was not legal.

I had no adult with me and I was about ten this made me nervous and nervy and tensions meant there was almost this relief when mother came back. I snapped sometimes but that was the end of it.

Body snatchers they said was just a science fiction film. When the entire population of a Cyprus community looks like. The body-snatching becomes something of snacking and making it a reality.

Property snatchers? Well of course due to the circumstances of being broke they came over and took what they liked. It is not impossible they all knew English. Some even had manners and spent time marrying the good husband or wife whose property they were into.

"That is what we do. We go in groups and do the courting. It is so much easier than working."

“We are good stock when a marriage fails. Because here not everyone is a virgin." Mother said delicately.

“We take the bad wife out and place the good wife in.”

“Then when we do that, we do not tell the children instead we say your mother is now good and kind.”

“We don’t think this as barbarism we think as being gentle and avoiding divorce and all that.”

“We are oblivious to the issues who are talking to me no deal we deal only with the outcome. The profit is good and no feelings are hurt in the end the bonus is the family home and property. The tramp can get lost."

“Where does the bad woman go?”

“She disappears.”

“No one notices gone at all.”

“That way we have healthy marriages.”

“In obvious places, we say that is what it means to be married the husband is the only witness of some of the adults as well and we continue living life in the way of good nature and peace.”

“A volatile wife is not ours to keep.”

“We have nothing more to do with her.”

"That is not right," I said.

"But it is the way of the world. Your dad is an estate agent he should know."

“They should all be humble and God-fearing and if not, then the thing is not on and the peace must be maintained.”

“This healthy attitude is it legal?”

“What is the meaning of such a thing?”

“A trade.”

“Well can’t please everyone.”

“It is shocking what you have just said?” I said but Z and B were smiling. They thought the landlord would have the wayward B. Z would settle to being there.

“We are normal people doing deeds to keep the peace.”

"You two be off."

“How unnatural.”

"We like that. No work no or anything."

"Except jail a prison sentence."

"What is that?"

"A place where you can't leave."

“No, I don’t believe it.”

“Justice has been done for some in such a manner.”

“Why?”

"Because it is wrong."

"But they have to catch one." Mother said.

"Mother."

"Of course, we must be crafty."

“Look I am obviously not into this?”

“Are you not one of us?”

“Yes.”

“We will see,” said B, and I was saddened because she was not being taught right.

"We believe in mother after all she is that. So sod off."