Tragically Imperfect

Present Time

This can’t be happening. This isn’t reality, it can’t be. It has to be some sort of dream, a terrible dream. No, ‘dream’ is too pretty of a word for the situation, it’s a fucking nightmare. I make the mistake of taking my eyes off the back wall and looking down, looking at my hands. My hands that won’t stop shaking. My hands that are covered in blood and won’t stop shaking.

I look to my right and find Trevor at the opposite end of the bench we’re both sitting on, he’s staring at the door in front of us, probably figuring out what he’s going to say next. I look over to my left and see Katrina sitting in a chair that can’t be that comfortable. She notices my stare and looks at me and all I can see within her eyes is Pity. I can’t hold her gaze much longer, but instead I focus my eyes back to my bloody hands.

Just as I’m replaying the same moments that happened a few hours ago in my head, the door Trevor had been staring at finally opens. The first to come out was the officer who has been questioning all of us for the past 30 minutes. Next he comes out, his eyes immediately go to mine, his eyes are blank just as his facial expression. He’s pale and the only colour on his face is the red blood streak across his cheek, even his beautiful hazel eyes that usually are filled with so many different colours have no light to them.

He walks towards me and sits beside me on the bench, between Trevor and I. He hasn’t said anything and I don’t expect him to. I go to put some space between us but as I’m about to move his cold hand finds my knee quickly, stopping me from moving. I look over at him and he keeps his head down but slightly shakes his head, silently telling me not to go anywhere. I put my blood covered hand over his and he finally looks up.

How did we ever get here? From basically hating each other, to becoming friends, to lovers, and now.. Now what? I may not know what I’m doing, or what we are, but all I know is that I love him.

I love Grayson Evans.

Flashback

To this day I still grieve. I can’t help it, no matter how long it’s been it still feels fresh. But I can do this, I’ve been getting through this for the past 7 years. I touch the small ring on my middle finger, reminiscing the time she gave me it. It was my 10th birthday, the year of the incident. I shake my head, silently scolding myself. Why would I want to think of her when all it does is bring me to tears, especially now? Right before school? I can’t and won’t, not even with my light cover of mascara, I won’t risk being late on the first day back.

My last year of high school, the day hasn’t started but it already feels like it’s taking forever. I groan as my phone goes off, I look over to see a text from my best friend Kat. ‘I’m picking your ass up. Don’t be late!’ I smile over her choice of words. After I brush my teeth I hurry down the stairs and into the kitchen, grabbing an apple and writing a quick note for my Dad, who seems to be drunkenly passed out on the couch. Just as I’m finishing the note, I hear a horn coming from outside, I grab my bag and rush out the door. As I walk down the steps of my tiny porche, Kat rolls down her window.

“Damn you look hot!” She yells from the car.

“What can I say, gotta make an impression somehow.” I smirk, while getting in the passenger seat.

“Honestly I’m just surprised you put actual effort into your appearance today.” She laughs, pulling from the curb and onto the street. I laugh in return, I look down and all I’m wearing are light blue, ripped jeans, a maroon t-shirt with a thin army green jacket over top, and my white converse. I never wear makeup besides a light coat of mascara that highlight my blue eyes, and I put my dark blonde hair into a ponytail, to keep it out of my face. Nothing special, but considering I never wore anything but my same four shorts and my favourite Green Day top all summer, I don’t blame her for being surprised.

Kat continues to talk about her on and off again relationship with Ethan Sanders, they are known to fight and break up and a few days later they’re back together. I could never see myself in a relationship that is constantly rocky, no matter how much I love taking risks and trying new things, stability is one of the few things I would need if I were to be in a relationship.

But knowing Kat for so long, it no longer surprises me that she would be in this type of relationship with Ethan. I’ve known her since grade three and we basically grew up with each other. We know everything about each other, including me, knowing about her self-esteem issues. She always dressed to impress, but she never looks the way she wants too, she is always keeping up with the fashion trends and never fails to look good.

In way it irks me that she has self-esteem problems, looking at her nobody would know. Her long, silky black hair that drops to her waist, her gorgeous bone structure, her tiny but curvy body, and her long lashes that capture her brown eyes nicely. Nobody would figure this girl would have a problem with the way she looks, even the makeup she wears is perfect, not too 'cakey' but noticeable, even her aroma screams confidence. And in ways I’m jealous of her, I try to be risky and let go once in a while but for me it’s hard.

I can’t help that sometimes I can be a perfectionist and need things to be a certain way, or that in general I’m too scared to do half the shit she does. But I can’t help but like the way she pushes me to try new things and how she brings me out of my comfort zone, and that’s why we’re best friends.

We make it to Woodlawn High School and I can already feel that today is going to be a long day. Kat and I walk down the halls looking for our lockers, we turn a corner and I walk into what feels like a wall, knowing it’s not a wall but in fact a human, I look up and quickly mutter an apology. He doesn’t bother looking down or saying anything besides a low, ’watch it.”

I stand in the hall, stunned as I watch him trail and weave through groups of people. “Wow, what a dick.” I say, turning back to Kat, she shrugs, “Jules, it’s the first day back to school. Can you blame the guy for not wanting to be here?”

“I guess you’re right, but still learn some manners at least.” We laugh and continue looking for our lockers. I find mine not too far from my first period class while Kat goes to look for hers before the first bell rings. As I’m putting my bag and books away, I hear a bang on the locker near mine and I jump and quickly turn my head.

I notice the guy that I had ran into a few minutes ago, a couple lockers down from me trying hard to open the door. I walk over and I feel him move to the side, I automatically shift the door upwards and pull it open. “Here, this one is kind of tricky. You just got to lift the door up and then pull it open,” I look up and I’m met with bright hazel eyes, I unintentionally stare at him, quickly examining his appearance. He has dark hair that’s nearly black, he is very tall perhaps 6’5, muscular body but not too buIky. As I shift my eyes towards his face, I’m struck with a scowl.

“Do you mind?” He says.

“Wow” I mutter, I turn away and move so he can get back to his locker and I walk back to mine. “Just trying to help, guess I won’t be doing that again.” I gather my books, ignoring him and make my way to my first period class. History.

I make my through the halls and into the classroom, I notice that there are already students scattered in seats. I find a seat not too close to the front but not in the far back either, as I sit down and put my books on my desk I see a figure from my peripheral vision sit down in the desk beside me. I look up to see a boy with mud brown hair and electrifying green eyes.

He smiles. “Hey, I’m Max.”