Always

Why do such beautiful days have to be ruined by suck glum circumstances?

I guess its nobody’s fault but my self

you’re probably wondering what it is im going on about yes?

well, it all started last week...

Last Week ________

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU” my mother’s loud voice invades my ears it's rear she ever shouts she says it's unladylike

I slightly turn my head to Econolodge her existence and see whats got her so upset

i thought this is what she wanted I thought this is what they all wanted

“How dear you try and ruin this family by doing such vile things” vile things that’s talk coming from her

her poor image was on the line because of me. How funny.

“I and you’re father give you and you’re sister everything possible and this is how you repay us.”

“THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US? ANSWER ME”

back to the shouting now? Hmm, I've done it this time a

small chuckle faded from my mouth.

“my dearest bitch of a mother im done im done with it all. I can’t live up to the perfect standards im crumbling and there’s nothing anybody can do, why not put myself out of my misery”

my head slumped back down on my shoulders as a small smile smooths over my lips.

percent__________________

that was a week ago i had tried to take my life did i succeed?

clearly not as im here to tell you this story i hadn’t taken enough pills and it just led me to black out and throw them back up later on

Why you might be asking?

my life has always been in a sense .... tricky, now people assume just because you have money and titles that you are automatically living the best life when in reality

everything deteriorates around you faster than anything money does things to people terrible things

my mother was never kind she would day in and day out pull me down no not physically but mentally

eventually all the “you’re ugly” your sister is better” and “i wish you died on the hospital bed” (not even the worst comments ) get to you and you lose your self-worth.

my sister was a whole other thing she would constantly try and be the best and beat me at everything and it caused a hatred when she never could

seeing as we were always in the media everything was always documented i guess and the paparazzi loved me so did the viewers? i guess you could call them

they loved me with a passion my sister never got the attention that i did from everybody so she acted out like my mother and verbally dragged me down

But my father was the worst of them all.

He wouldn’t only verbally batter me he would physically do you know how hard it is knowing that you’re own blood hates you enough to put there hands on you and cause you that much pain i do and its worse than anything in the world

but don't worry he’s smart i guess that how he makes his millions he never left a permanent mark on my body sure they lasted some time but they never did leave

Now you know all this it’s easy to still dismiss it as “well that doesn’t mean go kill yourself”

and that’s fair we all have our own opinions

but being depressed and having the pressure of your life also while being bullied so often gets to you it gets to you good

and it twists your world around until its nothing but a blended fucking storm

But maybe there’s hope just maybe seeing as my mother cares about her reputation so much they’re sending me away to “boarding school” at my own request

of course, that’s just a cover for where there really sending me