1.
There was a moment when everything changed.
Just one single second which caused my brain to go from sailing on its little boat across gentle waves, to hurtling over stormy seas and clinging on for dear life.
There was always one constant which allowed me to cruise through life along my straightforward river, never having to question a thing, but then she came along and tossed me off-course.
It wasn’t her fault, it was because of my flustered feelings that I started to doubt everything.
We were friends, I guess we still are, but that one moment made me ponder the idea of us being… more than friends.
In that moment, I felt like everything changed.
It was so simple; she came downstairs in formalwear.
She wore a respectable black and white suit, with two inch high heels to complete the outfit, and she looked irresistible.
She seemed to radiate power and strength and, in my mind, there was a steadfast spotlight smiling down on her, and intensifying her amazing aura.
I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I probably looked like a bumbling buffoon; gawking intently at her from across the room, and barely being able to stammer out any form of English.
My mind became a labyrinth and suddenly nothing made sense.
Why was I reacting this way?
Why were there butterflies bolting through my stomach, and why had my heart rate hastily sped up?
However, that was just the beginning of my turmoil. As time went on, I realised I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
It was normal to think about your friends occasionally, but it wasn’t normal to go to sleep thinking about them, and wake up thinking about them, and think about them all day.
This was no normal friendship.
Thoughts of her alluring body and gorgeous face and bigheartedness and amiability and altruism and compassion filled my head constantly.
I could compliment her every single day and never run out of things to say.
But, in reality, I couldn’t.
My dream girl was also my best friend, and I didn’t want to freak her out with my jumbled emotions.
My biggest fear was that someday she would just pack up and leave; that I would never be able to handle the pain of losing her.
Instead of risking that, I committed to keeping my fondness in my head.
Nobody needed to know about it.
I kept my adorations to myself, and tried to ignore her tenderness towards me.
That was also an arising apprehension to me; this girl – my best friend – was someone who didn’t seem to understand ‘personal space’.
I frequently found her lying across me, leaning against me, hugging me, and just typically touching me.
Obviously, I was not opposed to this continual contact, but it put the idea in my head that she liked me more than a friend.
To my dismay, she was always disproving this idea with her girlfriend.
She was taken.
This added to my perpetual perplexity, as her girlfriend was no good to her, and I had to deal with her sustaining suffering in the relationship.
She consistently came to me for advice and, having to be the comforting best friend, I reassured her as copiously as I could.
It was tormenting to see her heart being crushed by someone who didn’t appreciate her, especially when someone who did was right beside her, waiting to be loved.
In spite of my sentiment for her, I supported her, but she never recognised that I would give her everything she desired in a relationship and more.
This was my innocent corruption, watching her waste her worthiness on someone worthless.
