The Troubled Monk

Walking through the streets of Lumbarg, one could constantly see the dismay of what urbanization has really done to big cities. The ever so bustling streets, has a list of things that disgust me to my core. The countess vagabonds that plague the city, the brothels that act like a breeding ground,for diseases and crime, under the protection of the corrupt officials and the underground mafia, the massive smoke pipes that covers the skies with sadness and despair. Even the local inhabitants of the city are an eyesore, they are either gullible and sheepish, or coy and despicable, thus lost in these thoughts, I wandered through dusty and fuming streets, walking aimlessly for hours before I found myself in front of the Cathedral. It was a bit strange that I somehow knew the location of this particular cathedral, yet I had never once visited it in the past two years that I lived in Lumbarg. So it came as a surprise that I was in front of the Gates of Judgement. I was amused to find myself here, it was almost high noon so I decided to go inside and stay off the sun for a while, I flung open the gates and went inside, the people who had attended the Sunday mass were leaving, they were clearly among the gullible ones that live in this city. The road that lead to the cathedral had tall trees on both sides of the road, so it was pleasant and cool as I walked towards the Cathedral, I noticed there was a huge garden right in front of the it, with a tiny pond and a tree that shaded the pond partially so I went straight towards the pond, sat under the shade and dozed off.

I was woken up by an middle aged man wearing a black cloak, I later realize as I became more conscious that it was actually the priest wearing the prayer gown. The priest had a despicable look on his face, though he was a priest, I could tell he was no man of good will and high morals, he asked me if I was a believer, and if I had been one of the attendees of the sunday mass. I knew where this was going, the best would be to play the act of the gullible believer, and rid him off my tail. But I was a malicious one myself,so I just smiled and replied.

“Believer? Believe in what exactly?”

The priest replied in a tone that was partially annoyed and partially offended.

“In God, in our Lord and Saviour.”

I just laughed making sure to sound as condescending as possible, the priest was noticibaly offended.

“You dare mock God and make a fool out of me! "

I replied almost instantaneously “Nonsense! There exists no God in this day and age anyone who believes in God is a spiteful fool!”

As we started having this heated discourse We gathered ourselves an audience, they looked at me with spite and disgust, but watching their pathetic and morbid expressions was clearly an amusement for me. Among the gathered crowd was a little young women of petite stature, she had bags under her eyes, her cheek bones gave a very soft yet detialed look on her face. She didn't had the same look morbid look, she spoke in a low soft voice

“You shouldn't speak ill of God. Especially in front of a cathedral.”

I choose to laugh and ignore her. She then continued

“Oh how terrible has life been to you, for you to be such a resentful being? Oh dear Lord how these people and I have misjudged you. You poor soul. Forgive us for our ignorance and forgive this lost soul for his rebellion” hearing those words just made me cranky and resentful!

“You dare pity me? Me? I pity you! Gathering around and playing make believe with your non existent God! Tell me where is your omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient God? Did he do something when little children were torn apart from their mother's bosom and slayed during the wars? Does he provide for the poor and the suffering who believe and pray to him? Did he stop the plagues? Does he feed the hungry?”

The audience were in utter shock, and were scared of the allegations I put forward against God.

the priest yelled out “STOP this Blasphemy right now! Else you will not leave this holy ground without repent! ”

I looked to the gathered crowd, the women still looked through my soul,but for some reason though her words we're filled with pity she looked at me with agony and painfilled eyes.

“God is dead! And we killed him. Your moral high ground is just a way for you to deceive yourselves from the superior truth, and the truth is that the suffering we all face is the only things that's real. There exists no second chance. Pain, malice, suffering is our burden to bear as long as we live, and the only escape is death ,but even our death in the grandeur scheme is nothing but utter and completely meaning less!”

I could hear the distinct gasp of people and the small women was clearly in distraught, her lips were quivering and her eyes wet. But before she broke down in tears, she bit her lips and ran off inside the cathedral. The gathered crowd were enraged, it seemed I did achieve my motive, but the consequences were clearly not in my favour. The crowd jumped at me. In those moments I did everything I can to not be killed by the crowd, I was undeniably mortified about the thought of getting killed by an angry mob in cold blood due to my despicable and arrogant self spite, yet it also made me feel at ease. But the priest seemed to intervene and stopped to crowd from getting too volatile and violent.

“Stop! Don't take judgement in your own hands. We are not worth of judging someone for their ignorance and mockery, I can redeem people even of the cardinal sins, but blasphemy is something even beyond the powers vested in me, thus all we can do is pray and redeem our selves, and I shall not let any of the children of God to commit any sins in his house. And you if you don't respect and appreciate our values and the teaching of God do us a favor and get out of our sight”

I silently stood up, dusted my clothes, wiped the blood dripping for my cheek and nose. As I made my way towards the gates I made one final comment

“You all people are upset cause I speak the truth, what you consider blasphemy I consider philosophical questioning, and in this I have actually redeemed myself more than all you fools.”

“Get out while we still let you go with just a broken arm!" Spoke one from the crowd.

“Go and join other delusional vagabonds in the city, you all will soon have a judgement coming for you! " Spoke another.

And as I made my exit from the gate limping with a wounded arm, I was more than satisfied with my boldness and the risky endeavor I just took on. I mean being able to steal during the volatile commotion, while your life is on the line is gold standard for dedication, and determination in my opinion. It seems I managed to grab three wallets, and one clutch. I had scored enough money for a months worth of expenses, if I was diligent enough or seemingly enough for 4-5 days of lavish and luxurious life. I was wondering about the comments about the broken arm, cause to me the arm was in fact intact, with just a mild bruise. Hah! Those fools they never learn do they? I wonder when will they learn to not just believe something, their beliefs and presupposition are never reality based. Tsk! My only regret is not being able to witness their pathetic faces when they realise the truth! I then walked through the cobblestone street disposed the worthless looking wallets, and entered the bazaar. It streets were filled with people, much to my discontent, but i made my way through anyway. I went straight to a dirty little old tavern and ordered two pints of their cheapest beer and a bowl of chicken broth and rice. I'd always dine here every now and then, for it offers the cheapest food in the area and the variety of people that you come across and observe is almost bizarre. Thus finishing my meal and paying my pending debt I went towards the local shops

I bought the best premium meat, a couple of bread loafs, a couple of eggs, the best beer the local taverns had to offer, and a chunck of swiss cheese, and chocolates that I could afford. Then walking back home, I found a man laying dead on the cobblestone street, the few people who were coming and going through the streets avoided and ignored the man like he didn't even exist, they walked around him without even looking at him. As I went walked towards him, I could immediately smell the stench of alcohol on him from a couple of steps. It was then I figured out he wasn't actually dead just dead-drunk. I placed my stuffs on the wooden bench on the left side of the street and went to inspect the man in questioning, I saw the man had a bottle of cheap beer tugged by his right side, and his head resting on a leather bag, so after a brief conversation with myself , I decide to atleast help him by getting him on one of the benches on the side. But as I tried to lift him I realized I was never that strong of a guy, and I had two pints of beer just moments ago and I had actually bruised my arm an hour ago, thus unable to handle the weight of his body i stumbled and made him drop the bottle that he had tugged so securely with his right arm, we barely broke the fall. His bottle smashed on the ground, he hardly had anything in it, perhaps a sip. Thus being extra careful I dragged him by his torso and pulled him to the side. For a short man he was quite heavy, so with much effort I finally was able to place him on one of the wooden benches, as I stood akimbo satisfied to my disappointment there was no living soul in the streets anymore to witness me in this selfless act. Annoyed I observed the man he seemed to be well dressed but his face was puffed and red with alcohol and sleeping in the sun, his eyes seemed like he was either sleep deprived or he had been crying a lot, he had puke and blood stains on his shirt, I then took his leather bag and went through it, he seemed to have few crumbled notes, an umbrella, a lunch box, a pocket watch and a tool box thus leaving him a loaf of the bread that I just bought, on the bench. I picked up rest of my groceries and decided to take my leave. Walking through the canal I decided to watch the sunset near the river bank. I always loved sunsets from my early childhood days though it was just due to its aesthetic at that time, the sunset now held a very deep and symbolic meaning in my heart. For it reminded me that something even at its end can be beautiful and warming, because since the sunset marks the beginning of the darkness. I believe it was a symbol of optimistic nihilism. Now that the sun was below the horizon and the reddish orange light was slowly fading into the bluish darkness I could hear the evening bells of the cathedral in the distance, as I pulled the pocket watch I observed it was the 5'o clock bell, so with a deep sigh, I stood up and made my way to my room