Matched In Hell

I must admit it wasn’t easy at all to accept the parting of hearts and the division of souls. my eyes that were destined just to look at his naughty wink were all in red as I realized he wasn’t mine anymore. All memories forcibly came into my vision. Everything that happened around connected me to him.

I longed for solitude parallelly searching for a companion to share my pain but still lacked words to express it and moreover lacked confidence that anybody could understand my feelings. I was down to my feet, hitting my head in despair howling with weird noises. my room was lit in night yellow and the windows tightly closed with ivory curtains making sure that no light dared to enter in nor did some light find a chance to brighten the darkest phase of my life, in fact, I wasn’t in any state to welcome any note of positivity into me but on another hand negative thoughts settled completely into my mind as if they are its new tenants. every passing day I had to tackle different thoughts of the same ‘negativity’ tag .

My bedsheets were already crushed and sour fully wet and my cheeks which rested in his lips over the months now found the pillow to take over. I used to think most part of my day how great it will be if he was with me now but instantaneously my brain will slipper whack my mind and say it can’t get any worse if I have to spend another life with him and before I realize it my mind will be diverted to the thoughts of everything that I had lost because of him and thoughts of our great memories will soon fade away by the darkness of the horrible moments that he had given me through the journey.

I was arrested by myself within my bedroom and felt as if there weren’t any connections between me and the rest of the world, the case had been the same over the months but instead he was my world my universe and beyond and the fact that he no longer belongs to me, my mind was in the process of witnessing the destruction of universe.

Mumma was the only person who connected me to the external world. She was with the heaviest heart seeing her girl in a way she never would wish to see in her lifetime, she tried to convince me in all possible words she even didn’t resist herself and gave a word she would accept him if he is loyal to you but how can I say her the person with whom I was ready to share my life forever had put up the worst possible blames he could on me, with a half mind I just nodded my head to her which is when I felt how blessed I was to have such a parents.

Yet the thoughts about him struck deep in me like a leach. To make it clear I am basically not like this, there were days when people used to be jealous of my carefree attitude elements such as craziness and fun surrounded me to a large extent, I loved being with a fun loving gang I wasn’t aware of any emotion other than happiness. my dad made sure that he treated me like a princess, I reckon it is an effect of some evil eye that had dragged me into this situation. Oh no I had started thinking like a granny. When I was conclusive that there will be no revival for me, suddenly a new fresh energy woke me up which wasn’t from anywhere else but just from myself, I insisted myself that my mom’s prayers had come true that I felt a lot confident and like I had gone back in years but this time I was more mature and had a great understanding of the people and the world.

Dark clouds that were loomed over my head slowly paved its way away from me, I splashed some water on my bulged and red face resulted as the effect of all the crying. my face looked awful in the mirror, my pink t-shirt seemed wrinkled as of a granny and almost had turned red.I decided to take a fresh bath which I don’t remember when it happened last but this time every drop of water that touched my body kicked out my depression. I wore my favorite pair of a black tee and denim pants then combed my hair tight and puffed up in the front and then felt so boastful of myself and shouted “girl you look beautifulllll!!!!” looking at my reflection on the mirror.

I lumbered back from the room and saw dad in his vest catching a cup of tea in one hand and the regional newspaper that highlights the same murder and accident every day on the other. I hugged him from behind and thought to say “dad I wish I remain your baby girl forever” but resisted myself in saying “I love you pa” which meant everything I wanted to say for which he immediately replied “love you too my princess” and kissed on my forehead and soon as mom passed through she was plastered with an infectious smile to a depth in which I had never seen before. I rushed to her and asked, “ma I want to go and hang out with my friends” for which I knew the reply even before she responded as she was ready for anything that will get me back from that depression.