Unspoken Words

I wake up with cold sweats from the memory of her. Leaving her was the worst mistake of my life and I just wish I could take it all back. I wish I never left. I wish I told her the truth. This is the first time in five years I am going back home. Well, back to what I call home. Lillian Johnson.

I board the plane and settle down on my seat. Closing my eyes, I inhale and exhale slowly letting my mind drift off to a better place mentally chanting – this time I’m going to make this right.

“Oh, baby! It’s so nice to see you again,” my mother tackles me in a bear hug as I step through the front door. Her salt and pepper hair are pinned up in a neat bun at the nape of her neck and her apron is covered in splashes as if she had been in the kitchen all day.

“Hi mom,” I say with a smile, as she lets me go. My father’s voice booms as he steps into the house from the backyard.

“Welcome back son! How has my CEO son been doing? You should have kept in touch.”

“Hi, dad. I’m good. Sorry about not keeping in touch, I promise I will from now on.” My dad squeezes my shoulder in understanding and heads to the bar.

“Whiskey neat?” dad asked while pouring himself a drink. “No thanks. I’m going to head to my room.” As I head for the stairs my mom yells out, “make sure to be ready by six o’clock we have guests.”

“Yes mom,” I mentally note her reminder and head for my room.

I inhale sharply before I twist the doorknob. It was like déja vu. Memories envelop me as I take in the pictures, the creak of the floors and the smell. Her sweet honeysuckle scent that drove me crazy. I remember the day she came over with the lame excuse of helping me with my science homework.

I leaned against my desk holding her phone above my head as she giggles and jumps to reach it.

“Theo!-” She yells in frustration. “Give me my phone!”

I move around my room with her chasing after me, but all of a sudden, I hear her let out a small shriek. I feel her soft small frame push into mine as she falls on top of me making us land on my bed. I look up seeing her auburn hair was in perfect ringlets that flowed open framing her face, she was flushed to the roots of her hair and her teeth bit into to her delicate lower lip looking so beautiful.

“Ugh,” I groan adjusting myself in my pants this is not the time. I lay on my bed thinking of her as I doze off.

“Theodore Grey Myers! You better get your butt out of bed! The Johnson’s are coming in 30 mins!”

I immediately jump out of bed seeing my mother in my doorway and her arms crossed around her chest. My mouth gapes open and my eyes widen in shock. “What are you looking for? Get out of bed, get ready and be down in fifteen minutes-” my mom turns around and claps her hands. “Chop Chop!”

I jump out of bed and get dressed in record time. I put on a light beige five-pocket chinos, a dark blue dress shirt and brown leather wig tip boots. I neatly styled my hair back, doing a once over and head downstairs.

I look across the dinner table and our eyes connect. My heartbeat quickens in my chest. Her honey coloured eyes still hold the same heat and passion from five years ago. The attraction lingers in the room as my mind wanders to the day in late August to our very last encounter.

“I love you,” her whispered confession was a caress from her lips as her piercing eyes bore into me. “Please don’t leave me,” her eyes plead with me to stay – with her in the safety net of my arms forever. Tears pool in her eyes and my heart breaks from the sight.

“I’m sorry-” my face falls. I close my eyes and let out a loud exhale of breath. “I’m so sorry.” She holds my face in her hands and kisses me for the very last time – her goodbye – savouring the moment. “I will always love you,” she says against my lips. She closes her eyes -inhaling- holding on to me as a lifeline until she lets go. She glances up at me through misty eyes as tears stream down her face and says, “I love you,” while holding my hands.

I walk out of her embrace and hear her let out a sob. I don’t look back, but wish I had said the words back. I love you too.

“Theodore,” I snap out of my daze when I hear Mrs. Johnson call out my name. “Why don’t you show Lillian around?” “Sure,” I respond, mentally thanking Mrs. Johnson for giving us this alone time.

I offer Lillian a hand which she takes hesitantly and I rush her up the stairs into my room closing the door.

“What the hell?” Lillian yells as she punches her fists into my chest in fury.

“Lily, please listen to me,” I grab her fist and her amber eyes snap to mine. “Please.”

“I’m sorr-”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me! That is all you ever do, but nothing and I mean nothing has ever changed. You left, okay! You left me because you were too scared to tell me anything and if you can’t do that then-” she pauses stepping back and out of my grasp letting out a small audible exhale. She looks me in the eyes, her gaze strong, bold and determined. “I’m sorry,” she says unapologetically.

She turns to leave, but I grab a hold of her arm and pull her into me. Her petite body presses against mine spreading warmth and fire through me. Her light eyes fixed on mine, and I watch as her pupils dilate. Seconds feel like hours until she snaps back into reality. She pushes off of me about to yell, but I capture her mouth in a fierce kiss pouring all my desires and wants – her. As if second nature, her lips move with mine like two pieces of a puzzle, molding to each other with perfection. My hands move on their own accord, one on the small of her back pulling her in closer till we are flush together and the other on her cheek rubbing small circles. I slow down the kiss savouring every moment wishing air was not a necessity. I pull away pecking softly down her jaw to her neck, finally nipping on her bottom lip feeling her shudder beneath me. We break apart and inhale slowly. I watch with satisfaction as her pink lips are now plump red ones, her hair a little frizzed, her breathing short and shallow. I mentally pat myself on the back at her appearance, as anyone can tell she is taken. All mine. I take her face in my hands, so her gaze is fixed on mine.

“I love you, Lily,” I say from the bottom of my heart. My shoulders relax as if thousands of pounds of weight were lifted off my chest from my confession.

“I know I messed up. I know I broke this, us, but, I never, and I mean never stopped loving you.” I feel her take in a sharp breath and move in closer. Her hot breath fans my skin, and I shudder in sheer pleasure from her acceptance.

“I didn’t come back or keep in touch for so long because I was scared. I have never been the best at expressing my thoughts or feelings and what frightened me the most was how close we were, and, I wanted to tell you everything, truly, but, I chickened out. So, I left. I wanted to regain control and power so I started my company, but after all these years, I learned that you also gave me control and power. You let me in your life, your thoughts, allowed me to be the man you wanted me to be and I’m sorry for not letting you in, but, I promised myself to make it right. To make this all better because you are mine and only mine. Please give me a chance.” I hold her face in my hands pleading and expressing my feelings.

My heart hammers in my chest as I wait. I wait for her answer. Her eyes go glassy with tears and my heart stops as she turns around. She starts pacing my room in frustration and all that can be heard is the light taps of her four-inch heels clicking the hardwood floor.

All of a sudden, she stops and looks at me. “Do you know how long I have waited to hear you say that?” A hint of a smile curves her lips and she lets out a sigh.

“I love you too and always have, but it has been five years since we broke up. Can we ease into it?” She looks up at me awaiting my answer.

“As long as I can kiss you again,” I say restlessly to feel her in any way possible. She steps forward and grants me access by leaning in. “I would like that.”

My hands reach out to clutch her face and I kiss her slowly and passionately. The feeling of completeness and contentment consume me in waves. I love her and always will.

“Lillian! Theo! Are you ok? It has been- Oh!” The bedroom door opens and my mom strolls in. Lily and I break apart so fast, each of us moving to the opposite side of the room creating space.

“I’m sorry! Um. Come down when you’re ready, ok? Ok.” My mom steps away from the door giving us a thumbs up and leaves as fast as she could not waiting for my response.

“Sorry about that,” I say sheepishly, scratching the back of my neck. She giggles and my heart flips out at the feminine sound.

“Now where were we…” I smirk and she leans in giving me permission. Then the fireworks begin.