Life In Fast Forward

Life was finally okay-ish. I had a decent boyfriend after a string of shit ones. A guy that broke his hand when I cut him loose, really classy. This one guy way too old for me, my parents hated him which was maybe why I moved out with him. Was like fourteen-fifteen, not my smartest hour. One guy that was a year younger and super clingy.

One of my friends sucked him off, he admitted it in a flurry of tears. I laughed. We stayed together a while longer. Heard he knocked a girl up after we parted ways. Twice. Dodged a bullet there. Actually, we hooked up again for one night a few years back. He had a really nice dick, I’m only human.

I had a pretty awesome best friend. She was a bit crazy but so was I. Or so am I. Can’t outgrow crazy. Her home life was more insane than mine. I ate that shit up with a spoon. Heard that her mother killed herself a few years back. She isn't doing so hot either but that is now and I'm talking about then.

Owned a horse. He was a damn amazing beast. Sixteen five hands and moved like a dream. Chestnut with two white socks on the front. Pretty little half-moon on his forehead. Was doing dressage and a bit of jumping. Not for competition or anything like that. Just for fun. Did one dressage show and the judges wrote really pretty horse on the score paper. Made me smile.

Managed to stabilise my mood. Whatever that really means. I suppose it meant that I didn’t have to sit in psychiatric wards with people staring at me like I was about to pop. That was my own fault for doing such a poor job of offing myself. Twice. You know they actually have alarmed doors? Damn annoying when all you want is blunt.

The stupid thing is I still thought about dying I just didn’t mention it. Felt a bit like that guy's friend from the movie Girl Interrupted.

“My friend, he saw purple people. And so the state came and took him away. He didn’t like that. Some time went by and, and he told em he didn’t see purple people anymore.”

Then Winona Ryder says; “he got better.”

The guy shakes his head. “Nah, he still sees em.”

Yeah, that sounds about right.