Untamed: Ashes to Ashes

Peace.

That's all I've ever longed for my entire life, for as long as I can remember. A peaceful existence. Never to hear the screaming and fighting around me. Feel the sting of a slap or the agony of cigarette embers on my skin. Just nothing, that would be peace.

But here isnt where I thought I'd find some semblance of peace; the front steps of a broken down gas station. I know I cant stay here forever, as much as I wish I could. They will come looking for me if I dont return soon. I cant let them find my happy place. Here amongst the cobwebs and old garbage is my hideaway. When he gets too drunk, too violent, I run here.

"Joe..." I whisper, almost too soft for even me to hear.

Joe is my guardian, he and his wife Nancy. They took me in when I was three. After my mother died my Father wanted to lock me up, keep me safe. He said it was for my protection, said I was "valued". He gave me to them, handed me off without a word. I can still see my Father's emotionless face turn away from me as I screamed for him. Begged him to keep me with him.

I flinch from the memory, shaking my head to clear it. Now wasnt the time to dredge up old heartbreak. I glance up at the sky and curse softly. I'm going to be late. Snatching up the grocery bags I run around the side of the building and down the road. I can clearly see the beaten down old beach shack when I hear a siren bleep from behind me. My blood runs cold as my feet freeze in place.

'No! Please!'

I hear a car door open and boots scraping the asphalt, cold sweat gathers on the nape of my neck. Joe's number one rule was to never talk to the cops. With the house in sight I knew he was watching me, could feel his eyes drilling holes in the side of my head. It caused my head to duck until my chin nearly touched my chest, the bags in my hands to drop to the ground as my fingers gripped the front hem of my shirt. The position screamed defeated, submissive and broken. And I was the definition of the three.

The boots paused in their strides, taking in my demeanor and stance for a moment before continuing to my side. I noted the person kept their distance from me,

'Good.'

"Ma'am? Are you alright?"

My eyes widened, that voice wasnt what I was expecting. It was a woman's, soft in tone but held a strong growl to it. I picked up on the slight Hispanic accent. It made me curious to look at her, see if what I was imagining in my head matched her appearance. When the voice came again I realized I hadnt answered her.

"Ma'am?"

I nod once but cant find my voice. Better that way, I shouldnt speak to her. Joe will be displeased.

A silence hangs over us, making me very uncomfortable. I can feel her eyes sweeping over me, sizing up what she sees before her. I know it's not a pretty picture.

Bare dirty feet, drawstring shorts that are too big for me. A white tank top covered in stains. My body has bruises, like a road map of abuse. All in different stages of healing. Joe takes discipline very seriously. I do what I'm told and I'm given food. I disrespect Joe or Nancy and I am punished.

I wasnt naive. I knew how they treated me was barbaric and cruel. But I could do nothing about it, I had been trained at the age of three that their word was law. Even now as I could feel the Lady Officer's eyes on me, her concern rippling off her in waves, I couldnt find my voice.

"What's your name?"

Her tone caused my eyes to drift up from my dirty bare feet to her badge. Taking in her body structure. She had to be about 5'4 while I was only 5'2, her skin was a beautiful caramel color. I envied it, my own pale sickly complexion looked disgusting in comparison. She looked lean and I could see she had some curves to her hips. All in all from what I had seen I knew was beautiful. Even without looking at her face.

"Ashton" I flinched, I hadnt even meant to answer her. Just instinctively did. Maybe it was her tender tone or the her body language that seemed to say 'You're safe here'. Whatever spell she had me under as my eyes slowly crawled up to her lips, intent to meet her gaze, broke when I heard Him.

"CMERE. NOW."

Immediately I ducked my head so quickly my teeth cracked together from my chin hitting my chest. I scooped up the bags without a second thought and broke into a run for the house. Eyes on the ground. I heard her call out for me but I didnt stop until I stood before Joe. The scent of alcohol and cigarettes filled my nose, along with body odor. I forced my face into a blank mask. Showing no outwardly reaction to his smell when inside I was struggling not to gag.

"What the fuck were you saying to that bitch pig?"

His voice was low, seeing as the woman had followed me here in her car. I tried to find the words, tell him I had said only my name. But I couldn't. I was too afraid of what he would do to me. The plastic bag handles were starting to hurt my fingers, my heart beat was in my ears. I had broken the rules.

"Excuse me, Sir? A word."

I tensed at the sound of her voice. So did Joe but he quickly relaxed and pulled a cigarette out of his stained shirt pocket. Lighting it as he leaned back on the rusting burn barrel in the front yard.

"The fuck you want, honey?"

I glance over at her, peeking through my blonde, almost white, hair. She was beautiful. More so than I had imagined. Her tanned complexion complimented her honey colored eyes. Long fan like eyelashes framed those gorgeous orbs. But it was the smirk, full of fury, on her full dark lips that made me crack a small smile as well. She didnt like Joe which made me instantly like her.

"Watch yourself, Honey." She spat with so much venom I nearly flinch.

I glance up at Joe quickly, catching his eyes narrowing.

"Get the hell off my land. I'll fuck you up you little bitch."

"Is that a threat? You dont want to do that."

I take a small step back from Joe. The amount of rage coming off him is stifling.

"Fuck you, Pig. Got no right to come to my home on my property! I'll shit kick a shotgun down your throat!"

Instinctively I crouch down and cover my ears, rocking back and forth.

"Pleasepleasepleaseplease" I whisper to myself. The screaming, its echoing in my head. I feel my breaths coming out ragged, my eyes welling up with hot tears. My heart pounding in my ears so loud that I couldnt hear anything else other than it and my labored breaths.

"Make it stop! Please!"

I'm not sure what happened. Everything blurred and slowed. All I remember was falling back, seeing the pretty officer ordering Joe at gunpoint to 'Get on the ground'. Then...the sky. It was so beautiful, so open. I blink once, so slowly. And I cant help but think...

"Is...Is this what..peace feels like?"

I blink once more but darkness swamps me.

The sharp smell of antiseptic wakes me bolt right into a sitting position. My legs curling to my body on instinct to appear as a smaller target. I can hear several people, all men by the sound of it, which causes my heart to gallop hard enough that I feel it in my breastbone. A pair of hands grabbing my arm elicits a silent scream from me. The largeness and calluses immediately alerting me that it's a man.

"Its Joe! Hes going to snap it again!"

"No please! I'll be good!" Terror laces my voice. I struggle against the touch until my back hits the rusty chain link fence that lines the front lawn. My eyes remained shut tightly, arms up in a defensive/protective position over my head. All I can hear are my own pleads for mercy.

"Please, I'll be good now. I'll be good. Ill be good-" I continue to chant, rocking slightly while in my huddled position. My small body quaking in terror, trying to anticipate when the blows from his heavy hands will fall upon me.

But, they never come. Instead theres that soft voice again, the Lady Officer.

"Hey Hey, shhhhh. You're okay, Pequeña."

Her voice is like cold water on a hot day, it soaks into your very fiber of being and just cools you off. I'm not sure why I seem so drawn to her, I'm known to be a skittish as a house mouse, but I dont question it. She is a small pin light in this suffocating darkness.

I open my eyes slowly, still quaking in terror. And when my eyes do find the owner of that voice it's like the wind gets knocked out of me.

The sun is directly behind her head, giving the illusion of a Halo. The words tumble from my mouth before I can stop myself.

"Y-Youre an Angel."

Snickering erupts from the men that I now know are EMS.

"Jess an Angel? Ah hell, welp Heavens fucked then." The men burst into joyous laughter. My face burns with shame and regret for opening my mouth. I downcast my eyes and curl up tighter. Waiting on Jess, I assume that's her name, to join in the laughter.

"Callate, Pendejos."

Now I'm not sure what was said but her tone suggested it not to be trifled with. The reaction was immediate, all giggling stopped. When I looked up at her she had pinned the men with a heavy glare, which was frightening in it's own way. She glanced my way and her whole demeanor softened.

"Can you stand, Pequeña?"

I glance from her to the five men near me then back at her. Her eyes brighten with understanding.

"I see..." She turns and nods to the EMS men, "I got it from here, thanks for swinging by."

The men exchange glances with eachother then at me, causing my eyes to avert to the ground. I hear them get up and leave, murmuring to Jess as they pass. A minute or two pass before a word is spoken and when it is her voice holds a tenderness to it.

"You're safe now. He cant hurt you anymore."

I look up, finding those unmistakably beautiful eyes. Normally I wouldn't be able to hold any form of eye contact but this woman...She gave me a sense of security I've never felt before.

"Am...Am I in trouble?"

Jess blinks in confusion and crouches down to my level, my gaze never leaving hers. She gives a soft smile that I find myself returning.

"No, you're free."