ѕage ιn тнe ѕecerтѕ

Diana

Hope.

I think that's where I went wrong in life. Hope was the only thing that helps me get by, but it just screws me over instead.

Gripping the bottle with my hands, my eyes swivel towards the back of my head in a distressed sense of a headache.

I tilt my head towards the stars as I take a long swig of the dark substance that affects me so strongly. I sigh in relief as everything begins to feel open, in the blink of an eye. My breath is the underlying cause of the smell of alcohol that enters my nostrils, and my mouth is sore from the amount of alcohol that I have poured down my throat.

I am an alcoholic.

I guess you can say that I get it from my dad. Because truth be told, my dad is a champ at being drunk. Sure, being an alcoholic isn't hereditary.....but it's still considered a mental disorder.

Maybe that's what I had, a mental disorder.

"I have a mental disorder!" I yell, to nothing in particular.

I chuckle humorlessly.

I am an alcoholic, who maybe has a mental disorder. I think that's why I'm on the top of this bridge right now. I am going to jump, finally ending this shit that we call life.

I can't deal with humanity anymore. Actually, I just can't deal with all the trauma I've been through.

A walking failure at the age of 22.

Honestly, I'm just shocked it took me this long to realize it.

My stomach contracts so violently that I have no time to react to what was happening. Chunks of food covered in the creamy chyme from my stomach are propelled into the air and splatters on the pavement. I cringe at the taste and smell but still manage to wipe my lips with the hem of my shirt.

I try to stand up but fail miserably, falling back down on the cold concrete. I stand again and stagger towards the end of the bridge. Climbing on top, I take a seat on the bridge railings.

I take my phone out of my leather jacket, typing in my pin code to unlock it. Clicking the gallery icon I scroll through my photo album, my eyes automatically landing on one particular photo.

It pisses me off, seeing that this one photo could make me release so many unwanted tears. The photo was taken nearly fifteen years ago, showing my mother and father smiling, holding hands, as me and my brother looked to be playing.

If anyone else sees this photo, they will see a happy family, but if you were good at seeing through thin lines, you'd see the truth.

Having a family is a waste of time. Who am I kidding, having my family is a waste of life.

My childhood memories come crashing down, causing me to cry harder. I wish I can put them in the trash where they belong and forget. Or better yet, bury them deep underground.

According to my professor, our brains are hardwired from the prehistoric era to remember the bad stuff more than the good - to help keep you alive. I have to disagree. Remembering the bad memories was only killing me. That's why I had to do this. To forget the bad memories.

I sigh heavily, throwing my phone in the water. I watch as the stupid phone sinks, then disappears.

"Fuck." I slur. Skyler is going to be pissed, she was the one who bought me that phone.

I don't know if it's because I'm drunk, but for some unknown reason, I felt like talking to the big guy, the one in charge of everything. God.

"Why do you hate me so much, God?" I yelled. "Please explain this shit to me! Why out of all the people in the world you choose to give me this life!"

Out of the middle of nowhere, it starts to rain. "Great!" I chuckle bitterly.

"Just great. Is this your way of saying you hear my cries?" I ask. "Because if it is, you're many years late. I'm jumping off this damn bridge."

Thunder cries out from the blackened sky, the clouds invisible above. The rain starts to come down more heavily, wetting my clothes in the process.

"No! You don't get to be mad God. I do!" I yell angrily. "You let me go through all this pain. All this suffering, for what?!"

Thunder strikes again, this time bringing lightning along with it.

"Fuck you!"

Salty tears drop from my eyes and chin, drenching my shirt. Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder, is it me who failed God? Or was it God who failed me?

Just when I am about to jump, a voice stops me. Scaring me in the process.

"Don't do it." The voice says.

"Why the hell not?" I question, my voice raspy from all the yelling.

"It won't solve anything. It'll just hurt the people who love you."

"People who love me," I repeat. "No one loves me."

"That's not true. I'm sure there's at least someone on this earth who loves you." The voice says. "Think of someone who makes you happy, someone that will always be there for you."

"Skyler," I whisper.

She was the only person that cared. The only one that knew the truth.

"Then don't jump, do it for Skyler."

I look down at the water and sighed.

'What am I doing?' I ask myself.

I slowly but carefully watch my step, turning around to look at the stranger. I gasp out loud, caught off guard by how incredibly handsome the man is.

"I'm glad you've thought it through." He says, walking towards me.

I lift my leg up to climb off the railings, but my shoelaces get caught up in something.

If possible, the rain comes down even harder, causing me to lose my balance. The bridge railings break, and I begin to fall backwards.

I scream in fear, quickly trying to find something to pull me up. I hear someone say "Oh shit!" then fast footsteps coming in my direction.

The stranger throws his hands out for to me to catch and I quickly grab onto them. In one swift move, he pulls me up, carrying me in his arms.

"Thank you," I whisper.

The stranger turns his head to the side and looks at me as if to check if I was alright. He frowns slightly but still keeps me in his arms.

"You're drunk." He says. The low rumble of his voice is comforting, but also really sexy.

"I know." Was the last thing I said before I feel the blackness overcome me.