I am here...

I was heading back to the apartment that I shared with my boyfriend/roommate: Jung Hoseok. Groceries on one hand and his favorite pastry on the other, smiling at the thought of how happy it would make him. After all the hard work this is the least he deserves.

Life of an idol is not a piece of cake, I mean I literally seen him go through hell and yet he never failed to show his smile. His smile and laugh is what I live for and would go beyond the bounds to see him happy. As I was at the front door a sudden chill went through me, like when you feel... some bad news was on the way. To be honest I was a bit hesitant to open the door for some reason.

But I fought to push myself only to find the whole place dark and quiet and I didn’t like the feel of that at all because Hoseok was supposed to be home by now. And when he is home the whole house would be anything but dark and quiet. My unsettled mind was not helping so I thought of calling him to see if he was still out when suddenly I heard a whimper. I turned to look around and find the source of it when my eyes settled at the bedroom door slightly ajar natural light peeking through. I know I shouldn’t make quick conclusion but I couldn’t help otherwise. All those unnecessary thoughts kept me restless, I wanted to know what was going on but then again I didn’t think I could handle the uncertain possibilities. There it was again...the whimper but now it had trailed of with a muffled sob.

Then and there I knew it was none than the love of my life inside. I couldn’t bring myself wasting anymore seconds to stand there when I know that he is in there. I quickly speed walk and find myself in a soulless looking room with only moonlight shining through the window and my eyes frantically searching for the person I would die for.

Finally my eyes found him, curled up in small ball and quietly crying his heart out. I can tell even though his face was not in view, his body rising up and down as he breathed heavily. It hurt so much already to see him like that and honestly I don’t know what I might do when I actually confront his state. I might actually be more messier than he is now......... but I won’t. I need to be strong for him and comfort him and tell that everything would be okay, even though I don’t exactly know what made him this miserable.

I run up to him and hugged him tightly as I could and tried to hush him. My heart ripped the moment he hugged me tighter and clung to me like a child and crying his eyeballs out. I tried to think every possible ways to help him stop crying but none seemed like it would be useful.

Maybe this is what he needed to do, to let it all out. After all it is okay to cry sometimes. It helps you with the hardship and stress, like washing away all those worries. Even though I know him better about the fact he was never open about his troubles, I could’t help but to be worried about what was wrong?

Hey baby...shh~~~~ calm down

It’s okay , everything will be alright.

After sometime the crying stopped and I could feel his breathing and heart beat come to normal. It felt relieved to finally see him stopped crying, it was quiet and peaceful. So I didn’t break this ...silence and kept him into my embrace rocking him side to side like a mother would have done to her child.

Not after too long I thought of breaking the silence and spoke out.

Baby... what happened?? why were you crying?

Hoseok-.......(sniffles)

The long silence was enough for me to get the memo.

(sighs)It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me now... or never ....if you want. You know I would never pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to right?

Hoseok- (nodding while still hugging me)

I just wanted to tell you that I am here... whenever you’re ready... I will always be here.

Hoseok- (looks at me without breaking the hug)I am sorry. I know that in a relationship, first important thing.. is to trust each other and communicate. And it’s not that I don’t trust you. (takes a deep breath)It’s just that I have never been open about it to anyone, even my family....

(i cut him off before he speaks)I know baby, it’s alright ...I don’t mind at all. And I know you would never hide something from me that is important to our relationship. Everything has its time and when that time comes I know you would be free to tell me anything.(i say as i kiss his forehead)

Hoseok-I love you so much, you know.(foreheads connected, eyes closed)Where have you been all my life?(he asks cupping my face and kissing ever so lightly)

(after letting go of the kiss i sigh in relief)stupid traffic!

Hoseok- (lets out a chuckle)of course.

(i smile)Thank you for smiling. You don’t know how much that means to me.

Hoseok-I love you.

I love you more.

THE END.