The truth behind his mask

"At first glance, I liked the premise of the story. The plot can be powerful with the correct tools. A few suggestions: a) Pick a tense and stick to it. You switch between past and present simple a lot, and it gets confusing b) Consider putting the characters' thoughts in italics to separate them from the rest of the text because right now they read as a whole block where points of view are switched without explanation. c) The writing style is, for me, not pleasant to read. I noticed that you keep breaking up your sentences, ending in sentences not well-structured, and sometimes without even a verb. It's ok to do it once or twice to emphasize something, but you seem to write only in that form. d) It needs a thorough combing-through, but that's not that important at this stage I think. I hope these points help a bit. Keep up the hard work!"