I think I lost my appetite

"The end was a properly horrifying conclusion to a monster story, and the description at the end left me with zero desire to eat lunch (and I was very glad I wasn’t eating lunch. I felt like the ending was the best part. I struggled to keep the multitude of characters straight. I forced my way through the first part, drowning in all of the characters and dialogue interactions that I had to take notes and reread to keep straight. I think I became hooked right around when Marisol told everyone the truth. From there it was less of a struggle and I’d started to figure out who everyone was. And then the ending. *shudders*. I think more engaging descriptions would have helped me keep everyone straight. The description fir what the different monsters looked like was lacking. Zombies were described as looking like a zombie, and seeing as these seem to be intelligent zombies, what does that mean? Do they have other defining features? Another criticism on description is the lack of creativity in description. The author did not use any creative/imaginative descriptions in the first part to describe things in terms of other things. (You might have said, “his skill peeled from his forehead like a banana” or something similar to bring in more creative and eerie descriptions. The grammar was decent but sometimes encountered errors around dialogue which made it more of a struggle to figure out who was speaking. I didn’t notice spelling errors. I did find the choice to randomly italicize the middle section of the story strange and distracting. The last comment I had is that the first line uses an adverb that weakens the delivery of the attempted hook. Overall this is a decent read that with some work could become a really fun short story. "