Anehalia

I am a software developer who enjoys writing. I self-published the book "Dishonor". I also ride horses in my spare time.

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Interesting the further in you read

This review is for the first chapter:

I struggled to get through the first couple of paragraphs. The first couple of paragraphs were all setting detail without any introduction of characters. The description of the setting used repetitive words and had some tense mix up for words. It made for a very hard info section. (all the behind and beside that was hard to read).

I could tell the author was writing the story as if it was a fairy tale, which was well done, after I got past some of the setting set up.

The story became quickly interesting, and I was hooked.

Chapter 2:

The story was a lot more interesting to read that the first couple of chapters. I quickly read through it and I am now working on the third chapter. The one part that dragged a little was the introduction of the six characters. I knew who the characters were and what must have happened to them long before the author ever said a word. It really made the characters feel slow.

I have not finished the third chapter, but I look forward to reading it and more.

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Tissues Required

For everyone who loved Monsters, Inc. as children, this story is definitely one that will make you tear up.

The story was engaging and interesting to read. I felt that the story was lacking in detail though. The author relies on the reader's knowledge to fill the universe, and very sparsely includes information. I think that going into this endeavor pretending that this is completely your own universe and the reader understands nothing would build this into an even better story.

There were a couple things that felt mildly out of place or confused me as a reader. I put the direct mentions to these issues in the spoiler section at the end of the review.

Otherwise I thought this story was interesting. I saw no grammatical/typographical issues and the plot of the story was decent. I would suggest this to anyone interested in short stories.

****WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD***

The advice about school to the woman's daughter felt very strange and out of place.

There is a confusing sequence of please come to my funeral in monster land, and please come to die here. Isn't he visiting her because this is the last time he can visit her before he dies? I became really confused by this sequence of events.

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Interesting outline but lacking detail

The story itself was very interesting, but there was very little characterization and detailing to the story.

It took me reading through the first paragraphs a couple times to get the names straight. There were no details associated with the names and characters so all they were was names that I had to try and somehow keep straight.

Even by the end of the story I had no idea how anything looks. The holograph had no physical characteristics, the people had no physical characteristics, and the house's only physical characteristics were a couple of rooms and hallways.

This story has a lot of potential in terms of an interesting plot for a short story. The plot was engaging and was what kept me reading, but I felt like I was reading a white world with gray walls for rooms and black shadowy outlines for people. (I did imagine that the holograph looked like Spike from Buffy because spike...) but otherwise everything was a very blank world. Even a couple of details would have spiced it up a little bit.

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