FEAR

September 18th, 1988

New Jersey

“Yup, October,” Tiffany nodded, a smile playing upon her lips. “I know all my previous birthday parties were lame, but this year it’s gonna be a big step up.”

From next to me, Allyson shook her head while using both her hands to tighten her hair tie which was keeping her dark brown ponytail together. “By calling your birthday parties lame, you just offended me.”

“What?” Tiffany inquired after a few seconds of silence. “How…how does that make any sense if you never even had a party?”

“That’s the point,” Allyson exclaimed with a laugh.

I kept my gaze on the tile floor of the school hallway, unsure what to say or do. Usually I’d be pumped about Tiffany’s birthday parties, she was the only friend I had that had parties annually every October for her birthday. Maybe it was because Tiffany and Allyson were my only friends — and I was their only friend — but it was a nice way to hang out, even if it was just the three of us.

“Brooke?”

The sound of my name broke me out of my thoughts. I immediately glanced up, and boom, the spotlight was on me.

Neither Tiffany nor Allyson were saying anything, and they didn’t look like they would anytime soon.

“What?” I asked, confused. They obviously called me, but I wasn’t sure what for. Maybe because I was supposed to be apart of the conversation and not buried in my own secret thoughts, staring at the hallway floor.

“You weren’t listening to anything I just said, were you?” Tiffany said with a knowing look on her face.

I shrugged. “Uh…about your party? In October.”

When both my friends said nothing, I began to feel awkward. “Riiight?”

Tiffany sighed. “Yeah, I asked if you were coming. Like you do every year, remember? The three of us.”

Oh.

That question.

I couldn’t bring myself to answer it. I desperately wanted to say yes, but I was harboring a secret that neither of my friends knew yet. A secret that they both deserved to know. They deserved to know it way before now.

“Brooke?” Tiffany tried, a worried expression on her face. “You okay?”

Now it was my turn to let out a sigh.

I glanced up at both my friends. “Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner, but it’s something you both deserve to know.”

“Wait—” Allyson interrupted, eagerness in her voice. “You didn’t find a boyfriend, did you? Or are you secretly friends with Little Miss Perfect and her little devils?”

The last part made me giggle. Little Miss Perfect was the girl that all three of us hated with a burning passion. She was the rudest, most arrogant, nerviest, evilest girl in the ninth grade. She wore globs of makeup and lead a good fifteen other girls — who were basically followers of her — just to make others feel miserable. Others AKA people like me, Allyson and Tiffany. Basically anybody who wasn’t as popular or pretty as she was. She also put on a goody two shoes act in front of the teachers, and as a result, she was everyone’s favorite.

She as in Molly Kurtz.

One time Tiffany — being her overspoken self — accidently spoke too loudly when she got excited about my past hopeless little crush on one of the popular boys — he happened to be just another one of Molly’s boy toys just like all the popular boys are to girls like Molly. Immediatly after she become aware of my crush, she worked her hardest to make sure I knew that he was hers, and hers only. It wasn’t long until I got over that crush — because I knew I had no chance with him despite Molly’s little act — but even after that, she still kept a close eye on me and my two friends for any chance she could close in on us with a surprise attack.

“No, no, nothing like that,” I replied confidently. “Don’t even bring it up. That’s the only thing I’m happy about — not ever seeing her again.”

It wasn’t until I finished that sentence that I realized I might’ve said too much.

“What does that mean?” Allyson inquired curiously, tilting her head. “Are you…are you dying or something?”

“You guys are crazy!” I said with a small shake of my head. “My mom — you know how she’s a single mom — and she works her hardest to take care of both Tommy and I…” I paused. “Well the house has gotten a little too expensive, and she found a really good priced house over in…M-Maine.” I found myself stuttering at the last part, only because of my nerves. This was the one thing I had been dreading to tell my friends since school started this year. Moving was one thing, but I was moving hours away from my friends and everything else I knew my whole life. Flash forward, here I was telling them that exactly. Breaking the unfortunate news to them. “So…” I hesitated before getting the last bit out. “I have to move.”

As I expected, both my friends were silent for a moment. Well, more than a moment. It was more like five minutes straight.

“Say something, will you?” I nervously urged, gazing from Tiffany to Allyson. “I really don’t want to move, but it’s… I don’t have a choice.”

Suddenly, the sound of the bell cut through the silence, almost making me jump.

“Shit,” I said. “Lunch is over.”

Then, all at once, my friends began talking. It was as if they were on pause and just now somebody pushed the play button.

“You’re…moving?” Allyson managed to say in a crestfallen tone.

Then came Tiffany’s voice. “No more the three of us? No more play dates with little Tommy?” her eyes widened. “You’re joking.”

She turned to Allyson, forcing a grin on her face. “She’s joking.”

Both Allyson and I remained quiet. It was hard as it is telling both my friends the news, but the worst part was their reactions. I was upset yes, but seeing them upset was even worse.

“You’re not joking?” Tiffany whispered in a small voice, ignoring the crowds of kids that came walking around us, going to their first afternoon class of the day. She didn’t wait for my reply to suddenly attack me with a hug — a tight hug. A few seconds later I felt Allyson also join the hug. The three of us — awkwardly hugging in the middle of a busy hallway.

“Freaks.”

The sound of Molly’s voice pierced through my ears, but I didn’t let myself get angry over someone like her.

The laughter of other girls’ flowed through my ears, and I pushed itout the other ear. Instead of getting fed up, I hugged onto my two friends tighter. “I’ll miss you guys too.”