1
November 28th, 2017
Sunlight glazed over her skin through a sliver in the curtains as the morning shone over the glittering sky. Her hands traced the glimmers of light on her tan skin and her eyes closed briefly when a bright streak of sunlight hit her face. Sitting up slightly, Dela lifted her head up closer to the gleams of light.
Dela Rosterov felt peaceful, almost too peaceful.
She loved the sun, the way it shone, promising her a bright new day. She smiled, content and crossed her ankles in the bed, comfortable with where she was.
Still bathing in the warmth of the sun, Dela ignored the shuffling beside her. Head tilted towards the window; a small smile formed on her face as she tried to relish the feeling of peace a little longer before it was disturbed. But a warm hand, creeping up her inner thigh shattered it. Another hand gently grabbed her waist, pulling her down towards the other person occupying the space beside her made her sigh heavily. Eyes lingering on the glittering sun once more and she sunk back into the soft bed.
Francis Greenwood’s pretty face loomed above hers and his green eyes shone, almost as brightly as the sun. His blonde hair glistened in the light and his smiled widely at her. Dela smiled at him softly and reached her hand up to push a few strands of hair off his face. Her hand lingered on his cheek afterwards and his grip tightened slightly on her waist.
“Good morning.” He whispered to her and then bent to place a sweet kiss on her neck.
“Good morning.” She whispered back, arching her back to give him more access. He took her movements as a welcoming and his kisses grew more urgent, hurried. Her hands tangled in his light hair and her legs instinctively wrapped themselves around his narrow waist, pulling them impossibly close to one another. His hands came under to cup her back and he kissed her collar bone one last time before bringing his face up to look at her.
Dela’s breathing was laboured as she stared at him and she shook her head. “What’s wrong?” She asked, breathless.
Francis looked at her again before shrugging. “Nothing. I just want to see you.”
Giggling at his simple phrase, Dela unwrapped her legs from around him and sat back against the headboard. His eyes fell to her naked skin that became exposed during their kisses and she smirked at him before pulling the sheets that had loosened around her body tighter around her. Her head unconsciously tilted to the side. “But you do see me.” She said. Dela lifted her leg and tapped his arm with her toe.
He grinned at her and grabbed her ankle before she could pull her leg away and tugged her forward.
“Francis!” Dela laughed in surprise and soon found herself under him once more.
“You’re right, I do see you, but I don’t really see you.” He ran his thumb over her lips and placed a light kiss on them.
“Ok, Franc, now you’re just speaking in riddles.” She laughed and tried to push out of his arms, but he gripped her tighter.
“No, I see you here, under me, beautiful as ever,” He smiled at her and Dela blushed under his gaze, “But that’s it. You give nothing away. There’s nothing more to see than just this.” His hand swept across her body and she stared at him in confusion. His eyes looked at her and they burned with an intensity Dela couldn’t quite place. It was entirely different than the lust she was used to.
“I thought this was all you wanted to see.” Dela leaned on her elbows and saw him shaking his head quickly at her words.
“No, I want to see more, lots more than just naked limbs tangled in the sheets. I want to see you, just you. No pretending, no lies, no fear.”
Dela stared at him in surprise. She never knew Francis thought about her in that way. All this was just too complicated to bloom into anything more. Running a hand through her long curly brown hair, Dela shifted under him and forced a smile on her face.
“Franc,” She began to say, but a finger to her lips cut her off. Dela’s eyes widened and she tilted her head again.
Francis pulled his finger back and cupped her face tenderly, “Don’t say anything right now. Just think about it. Wouldn’t it be better if this became more?”
Dela opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off again. “And I know what you’re going to say but just promise me you’ll at least think about it.”
She sighed but nodded her head nonetheless, too tired to fight with him. He always got his way. But she didn’t want him this way, soft and tender. She wanted him hard, fast and rough, that’s what she’s grown used to.
As his hand tangled in her hair and he pressed a kiss to the side of her neck, Dela made herself forget and get lost in him, for now. His confession would be something they could speak of later when this was all over. Francis’s hands roamed her body in the hurry, pulling away the sheets as their skin pressed together, hot and sweaty. Francis stared at her one last time, a faint smirk playing on his lips, before their worlds were consumed together as one.
***
The music played softly in the background of the car and Dela fidgeted in her seat. She stared at the large buildings everywhere in the lively city of New York and her gaze fell on the hands on her lap.
She still felt Francis grip them tightly in his hands as he spoke to her. What Francis has whispered to her so sweetly in the morning lingered in her mind. She wished that he had said nothing at all. He complicated things.
She sat on the edge his bed when Francis was in the shower. Dela listened to the muffled sounds of the water and closed her eyes. Was she betraying her friend? It wasn’t like Romania was completely faithful either. Over the years that Dela has known Romania, she’s seen her get comfortably close to boys who weren’t at all her boyfriend. So, why should Dela feel bad about this?
After his shower, Francis had asked Dela once again if she wanted more. Laughing lightly, she went to fix the green tie of his uniform that was hanging loosely around his neck.
“I don’t think that’ll be a good idea, Franc. I mean, what about Romania?” She had asked him, unable to meet his eyes. As she tugged on his tie once last time, she felt him shrug.
“Why does it matter?” He said, less like a question but more a statement.
Dela scoffed and let her arms fall back down to her sides. “Because she’s my best friend.” But even then Dela knew it wasn’t true. Her friendship with Romania had begun crumbling long before she even thought about hooking up with her friend’s boyfriend. Guilt never consumed her as Francis kissed her, it was satisfaction. Even Romania’s threats of breaking up couldn’t keep Francis away from her.
“Well, you make me happy and she doesn’t.” He told her simply and upon hearing his words, Dela expected the rush of butterflies to cramp up in her stomach. She forced herself to feel the fluttering of the wings but nothing. Dela will admit she had felt something once, but recently that warm feeling had been fading every time her and Francis met up. It was becoming a black hole of nothingness.
“Dela, don’t look up because Romania looks pissed today.” Francis whispered to her frantically and he went to pull his car keys out of the ignition. Dela was suddenly pulled out of her trance. “If you look at her, she’ll just get angrier.”
Francis stared at her and Dela stared back. She saw the tiny smile playing on his lips and she smiled back.
“She’s always pissed Francis. It doesn’t even matter.” Dela rolled her eyes playfully at him and stepped out of the car.
Their school stood before her in grand grace. The Edison Academy was one of the most prestigious private schools in America. It was founded in 1884 five years after Thomas Edison ‘discovered’ the light bulb. It used to teach smart and intelligent students, the school’s name was known for its high academic standards but after the Roaring Twenties’ took its toll on the country, parents paid their kids into the school.
Now, it was simply the home to kids whose parents belonged in the one percent of America.
A statue of Edison stood in the middle of their large courtyard and students hung out by the stairs that would lead them into the school.
Dela waved amiably at Romania Davenport, who stood on the very top step of the grand entrance of their school with other girls whispering excitedly around her, no doubt talking about Dela. Romania’s arms were crossed tightly across her chest and her icy blue eyes narrowed on Dela.
Dela played no mind to her as she walked up the steps, her thumbs tucked into the strings from her backpack, leaving Francis to trail behind her. Romania stood at the top and other students hustling to get to school walked widely around her, afraid they’d be the subject to her anger.
“Romania.” Dela said to her and she stepped up the stairs, standing only one below her friend’s. As Dela’s eyes swept over the other girls, she watched as they quieted down. They stared at their two queens in anticipation for a fight.
Icy blue eyes trailed across the skin on her neck and Dela knew instantly that Romania was looking for any evidence of what she and Francis had done earlier this morning. But Dela wasn’t worried as she spent time in the mirror today carefully covering up anything suspicious.
“What are you looking for, Rommie?” Dela questioned innocently, widening her eyes and pouting her lips.
Romania’s eyes immediately snapped up to stare into Dela’s. Blue against hazel. “I wasn’t looking for anything.” Her blue eyes shifted to the figure behind Dela and a scowl formed on her pink lips.
“You spent another night at her place?” She said and Dela turned around to watch as Francis shrugged sheepishly, hands in the pocket of his uniform pants.
“We got drunk and you know how I am when I’m drunk, Rom, I’m sappy.” Francis ran a hand through his blonde hair and pushed past Dela to place a light kiss on Romania’s forehead.
Dela reserved the urge to snort.
Like he would actually break up with her. She thought sarcastically.
She stared as Francis wrapped his arms around his girlfriend’s lovingly and continued to kiss her on the cheek, the neck and then finally her lips.
Dela had to hand it to him. He was a good actor with her and with Romania too. Her friend’s eyes were crinkled up with laughter when Francis said something lowly to her and Dela saw the fire behind them slowly burn out.
Manipulative bastard.
She couldn’t remember why she had slept with Francis in the first place, but it was most likely because of booze and a fight with Romania. Those two pairings were just asking for evil.
Dela walked up the steps, leaving Francis and Romania where they previously stood. He was talking to her about something, that seemed private. Dela’s nose wrinkled in disgust and she cleared her throat, looking at the girls who stood beneath her.
“I’m going to class.” She said and many scrambled to get a place by her side. Dela sighed at their pathetic ways but she couldn’t say much. She was also once scrambling to become something more than just a common follower before too.
She remembered attempting to catch Romania’s attention by flaunting more skin than the skirts of their uniforms allowed because all the girls at the top of their social hierarchy did it and wearing a ridiculous amount of makeup to get the attention of the boys who also stood beside the popular girls.
She wondered if Romania ever thought she was once pathetic. But it didn’t matter now since she was at the top and Dela didn’t need to do much to get attention because it was always on her.
“So, Dela why was Romania mad at you?” Someone asked her and Dela stared at the freckly girl who she recognized as a flyer on the junior varsity cheer squad. She saw the girl cower but Dela smiled widely, she was peeved that the girl was asking her this but didn’t want to seem petty.
“Bree, is it?” Dela asked her and the freckly girl quickly nodded, probably surprised Dela would even know her name. “It’s kind of personal. I don’t want to worry you with the burden of it.” Dela smiled again and walked away.
Not caring if the girls were following her anymore, Dela walked into her classroom. Immediately she noticed that their principal and their vice principal stood in the further corner of the room, whispering intently to one another. Their history teacher sat at his desk, vigorously cleaning his glasses. The front of the class which usually had a large map of the world hung in front of the white boards now was rolled up and instead the words ‘Prevention’ was written in red marker across it.
Dela stared at it in confusion and went to sit in the back. Alex Santiago, one of Francis’s friends smiled as she sat down and turned to look at her. His dark brown hair flopped on the top of his head and Dela saw as two dimpled lit up in his cheeks. Her eyes remained on him longer than she attempted to, and he smirked.
He was good-looking and he knew it.
“So, I heard that Francis spent the night at your place again?” Alex said, a lazy grin on his face.
In no mood to humour him, Dela opened her notebook and flipped to a random page. “Did he?” She said.
Alex shifted closer to her and Dela rolled her eyes. “I don’t know but Romania was bitching about it this morning.”
“You really have to be careful, Dela. Romania’s been more suspicious than she usually is.”
Dela looked up and saw as Sasha Valentin, one of the other girls with a status as high as herself plop down on top of Dela’s desk. “You’re not even making it a secret anymore.”
Rolling her eyes, Dela doubted that her blonde friend didn’t already know. But the sheer idea of ruining her reputation prevented her from publicly lashing out at Dela.
Dela pulled out of her phone to check for any notifications. She had gotten several texts from Romania and a few from Francis, who texted her a minute ago, asking her if they could talk before lunch.
She tucked her phone back, too annoyed to respond.
“There is no secret. Francis and I are friends.” Dela said, absentmindedly. She began doodling on her page.
“Sure, and I’m a virgin.” Sasha laughed at Alex’s words and Dela suddenly felt annoyed. She didn’t care if people knew she was screwing Romania’s boyfriend. They’d been together since freshman year so it’s not like Romania has been loyal to him either. The two are simply tied together because their fathers are partners in a very profitable business.
It would only make sense that their children were together too. They wouldn’t want to disrupt that perfect little relationship even if it killed them.
Attempting to shift the conversation, Dela stared at the word again. “Prevention?” She wondered out loud. “Prevention for what?” She said and turned to face Sasha.
Sasha brushed her brown hair off her shoulders and tugged on the collar of her shirt. She then looked down to unbutton the first button of her uniform blouse. Alex’s eyes zoned in on that movement and Dela saw a smirk on his face.
When no one responded, Sasha looked up and said, “Oh. You were asking me?”
Dela shook her head at Sasha’s stupidity and gave her a look that said, ‘duh’.
“I don’t know. Maybe someone got knocked up and our school needs to prevent that from happening.” Sasha paused. “Again.”
“That makes sense.” Alex said and he looked at the board. “Wouldn’t want to damage our school’s prestigious reputation.” He then added sarcastically.
Dela said nothing and stared at the word.
Most likely it was something with pregnancy. The word prevention was always in someway tied to condoms and safe sex but why would the principal and the vice-principal need to be here too.
The bell rang shrilly, and students sat down in their desks. The noise quieted down and Dela saw the two heads of their school break apart abruptly. They went to go stand behind the school counsellor, frowns on their faces.
Their school counsellor, Mrs. Duport is in her early fifties. She’s a chubby woman who wore shawls and large scarves compared to the other teachers at the school whose attire was strictly professional. Dela always liked her and though she rarely ever talked to the older woman, every time she passed her office, Dela was delighted with the cookies or candy bars she put out for the students to have.
The woman was jolly like Santa Claus or maybe, Mrs. Claus and a smile was constantly present on her face. Her cheeks were flushed, rosy in colour and her brown eyes were usually crinkled as if in laughter but today she looked somber.
She wasn’t very tall and as she stepped forward, Dela watched as the end of her long scarf which was an unusual brown colour sweep along the floor by her feet. Mrs. Duport clasped her hands tightly in front of her and stared at each student individually. Her gaze never lingered on one student more than the other and then she turned to look at the two men behind her. They nodded at her and the woman sighed loudly, her head bowing.
“Hey, I bet Paisley got pregnant.” Alex whispered to her and Dela looked at him. “Her dad’s a freaking rock star. He’d have every reason to hide it.”
“Idiot.” Dela whispered back, “If her dad wanted to hide it, why the hell would we be having this meeting?”
Alex’s brows furrowed and he looked confused for a second before nodding. “You’re right.” He told her, “So who do you think it is?”
Before Dela could respond, she heard three sharp taps on her desk. She hadn’t noticed that her vice principal who was a large man had made way to her desk. His right hand was curled into a tight fist as he tapped the wood on her desk.
Dela felt her face flush and she slightly shook her head to hide behind her dark, curly brown hair. She felt the gaze of other students turn her way and Dela attempted to ignore it. She only liked the attention when she wanted it.
“I will not repeat myself.” The man said, “You two speak again and it’s a three-day suspension for both of you. Effective immediately.”
Dela blinked in surprise at what he said and swallowed. She couldn’t be suspended. She stole a glance at Alex who looked as surprised as she was. Whatever prompted their vice principal to lash out like that was far more serious than they had expected.
“Suicide.” Mrs. Duport’s voice rang out clearly in the quiet space. “Suicide is such a taboo topic.” She began walking around the room. “It’s something that was rarely spoken of in past history and today it is seen as a joke you say when you’re feeling down or stressed.”
A boy in the front coughed, as if trying to hide his laughter. He quieted down once their principal shot him a look.
The woman ignored it and continued speaking. “As a school, we rarely talk about it. The subject of suicide is barely even touched in health classes. But why?” The woman asked and she paced back to the front of the room. “It’s something that affects many people in America, especially teenagers. It is a subject that has most likely passed through the minds of many students in this school but not as a joke but as something serious. As a real thought.”
“Look around you. Every one of you are breathing, your heart is beating, blood is coursing through your veins. You have life.” She said and Dela stared at her. “But life is so precious, and it can be snatched away from you, like that.” The woman snapped her fingers and Dela saw as Alex flinched from the sudden noise.
“This morning when many of you were getting ready for school, or sleeping, Elijah De Santis died.”
Mrs. Duport’s voice rang out in the silence and it felt like time slowed down.
Dela swallowed a gulp of air and she felt as the shock the resonated inside the room engulfed them all.
The moment the word suicide came out of the woman’s mouth, Dela had prepared herself for the worst but she never expected Elijah De Santis to kill himself. They all ignored him, shunned him but never had Dela wanted him to die.
And now he was gone. A ghost.
She felt ringing in her ears, and she shook her head to rid herself of it.
“He took his own life.” Mrs. Duport looked at them again. Her lips were downturned in a frown and in her eyes lit up with a certain type of sadness that Dela couldn’t understand.
“There’s shock on your faces, tears in your eyes when maybe just yesterday you were joking about suicide. About killing yourself.” Dela heard the anger that suddenly arose in their school counsellor’s voice.
The woman turned around and stared at the two men behind her. “Can we blame them?” She said hurriedly. “Can we blame them when we, as educators, are barely teaching them of the seriousness, the weight of the situation. They are here to learn and yet we are not teaching them anything.”
The two men didn’t respond, and their history teacher reached out to place his hand on her shoulder, as if to soothe her but she stepped out of the way. “Can we blame them?” She repeated. Instead of sympathy or concern, their principal looked angry at her sudden outburst. He remained silent and Dela saw as he nodded his head towards a pile of papers placed on the desk in front of him.
Mrs. Duport looked up at him and then sighed heavily, her hands shaking slightly as she reached for the papers. She looked defeated.
She walked around the class, placing a piece of paper in the hands of each student.
“I’m meant to hand these out. On it, you’ll find my contact number, a contact number to our other school counsellor, Ms. Westdrop and number to a suicide prevention line.”
Dela looked at the paper in front of her. It was printed on white paper and there were three contact information numbers in front staring at her. Nothing more.
“Please call me or her if anything is bothering you. We want to prevent this from happening ever again.” Mrs. Duport dropped the extra papers on the desk and slowly turned around. Her eyes shone with sorrow and she wrapped the scarf, that had been dragging on the floor, closer around her body. “His death is something this school will never forget.”
The woman left it at that, and the three administrators left the classroom. Their history teacher cleaned his glasses on his shirt again and placed them back on his face. Dela noted his glassy eyes and tired look, he’d been crying.
“Today’s class will not be continued so please just remain seated and keep conversation to a minimum.”
“I can’t believe Romania missed class today.” Sasha whispered to Dela. “She’s going to want to hear this.” Before Dela could respond, someone interrupted her.
“Mr. Daminato,” Mary, one of the most intelligent people in their school rose her hand and the teacher looked back at her. “How did he kill himself?” She asked.
“For such a smart girl you’d think she wouldn’t ask something as stupid as that.” Alex said, under his breath but Dela ignored him. She was curious herself.
“That is not an appropriate matter I should be discussing. What happened to him was personal and his family is grieving dearly.”
“But if you told us he killed himself then why not tell us how?” Once she heard the words come out of her mouth, Dela slammed her lips shut. She couldn’t believe she had asked that. Surprise was etched on the faces of other students as they turned around to face her once more. She scrambled to say anything.
“I’m sorry.” She said quietly. “That was way out of line.”
Her teacher nodded at her before sitting down at his desk. The other students turned away from her and towards each other as they whispered of the news they had just heard.
Dela sat still, unsure of what to do with the information she was just given. She didn’t want it. There was nothing she could do and that thought remained in her head even as Sasha leaned over to speak with her.
She blocked it all out.
When the bell rang, signalling their next class, Dela dived to leave as quickly as possible, shoving her notebook in her backpack. Alex and Sasha followed closely behind her. She ignored them and ran to the nearest girl’s washroom.
“Out!” She screamed to the few girls who were busy fixing the makeup on their faces. They stared at her before quickly shoving their makeup into their bag and leaving. Dela ran up to the mirror and splashed water on her face.
Her makeup was waterproof but, in that moment, Dela wished it would wash off. She felt ugly in her mask and she rubbed at her skin. She sighed in defeat when her makeup remained and slid down to sit on the floor beside the sink.
She didn’t care that it was dirty.
Running her hands through her curly hair, Dela felt the sobs rise into her throat. She gulped to swallow them, but a few still escaped. She didn’t want to accept it. Only this morning, she had worried that Francis had gotten too attached to her. She didn’t want him complicating things.
While those uncomplicated thoughts ran through her mind, a different set of thoughts ran through Elijah’s. As Francis placed kisses on her skin and whispered sweet nothings in her ear, Elijah was struggling to take his last breath as his life was seeping out of him.
She felt guilty.
Years of trying to ignore him and now he was truly gone.
But he couldn’t possibly die yet.
