What is your opinion?
Aristocratic
"Awesome narration, it really takes the reader to the scene and can feel like watching all those characters right in front of you. A grip story, the scene and the way of describing the expressions helps the reader to follow the imagination of the author."
An Interesting Premise
"Hi, there! ^^ So, the story has an interesting premise (I am curious to see how things play out with this new boy, who is clearly the king of snob hill; I imagine he'll be a source of misery for Jillian and her friends). That said--and I apologize in advance, since I don't want to come off harsh; I merely mean to help you improve--the story could use a bit of fine-tuning. There is a fair bit of repetition, extraneous detail (particularly in the way the characters said things, or in their actions while speaking), and the characters' personalities aren't quite distinguishable from one another. There was also a fair bit of head-hopping going on--as in, jumping from one character's POV to another without the benefit of starting on a new paragraph or after a scene break. Overall, the story had the feeling of being rushed. This can be easily remedied by taking the time to go over it, insert the appropriate punctuation where needed, cut out the extraneous detail, and build up other areas--such as the characters' personalities, relationships to one another, and their environment. All that said, I look forward to seeing more of this story, and how things play out. Likewise, I hope my critique will be of benefit to you. :)"
