I AM NOT ROSALIND

August 28th 2009,

Mom's crying. Dad's rubbing her shoulders.

I am scared. The fire....

"Your sister, she didn't make it." Mom hugged me. I noticed she didn't say Carys or Rosalind meaning she did not know which twin died.

"Carys is in a better place now, " She assured. "She is happier." My eyes widen, I was about to open my mouth to correct her, tell her how I was Carys and Rosalind had died. But I then, I gazed into her stormy blue eyes- like thunder and lightning. Such misery and hurt.

Yet, she pulled herself together for me.

How hurt would she be when she realized she thought the wrong twin died, my eyes self-consciously drifted to the clipboard. It read,

Rosalind Amorette Reynolds.

The name seemed so unusual- marking me. Sure, I'd seen it in Kinder and now 1st grade name tags. But now- it felt wrong. I am NOT Rosalind. I am Carys.

Rosalind was proud and straight-forward. And painfully truthful. But I was shy and quiet.

I ended up not saying anything at all. "Rosie, Car will always be you best-friend. Things are different. But sometimes, different is good." I knew all her words were a lie, but I just stood silent under her thundering gaze.

How could this different be good? How? "Rosie. Where's my spider-monkey hug?" She asked, smiling. Forced. i wanted to cry, but I felt numb with pain, and terror. I wondered if the smoke was still stuck in my lungs even after the inhaler.

Rosalind's hug was spider-monkey and mine was Koala's hug. Mom is Mama bear and dad's is panda.

Mom's opened eyes, awkwardly fell. She kissed my forehead. "I love you, Rosalind. We will move on." She promised.

Everything felt painfully wrong. The name. The situation. The fact of how my dead twin sister's corpse was burnt and in the room next to me.

Little did I know, was how I was gone- no more Carys. I was Rosalind. Because I was too afraid to say anything or correct.

How was I going to explain how I am NOT Rosalind?