She, who broke me

“I remember the first time my heart was broken. Actually, it was shattered, into millions of pieces. It wasn’t even the rejection that hurt me, I knew it would happen. It was the pain that came with it. The pain that came with the aftermath. You may wonder, what is worse than rejection. What is worse, than not being able to have someone that, you would give your life for?

It’s the aftermath. The bullying. Voices in the corridors. Laughing behind your back. Being shouted at. Pushed around. What caused even more pain however, was her reaction...

You would think, that she was sympathetic. That she, regretted telling the whole school. Maybe, she would of even shown a hint of guilt. That is foolish. Do you know what she did?

She laughed. Laughed. Some think that maybe, she wasn’t aware of the pain that she was causing me, maybe she felt as awkward as I did. Perhaps she felt horrible, and didn’t know how to deal with it, so she laughed it off. That’s what people believe, but I know the truth.

She didn’t feel bad, guilty, or even any sadness. She didn’t think about my feelings at all, when she made fun out of me.

That’s what really hurt me. The way she laughed. The way she would stare at me, before rolling her eyes.

They don’t know what they’ve done to me.

I’m here to tell you my story. How my heart was broken. How I developed Mental Health Issues. How I lost my very few friends, except one.

After all, it was she, who broke me...”

Jessica sighed, wiping her tears with her sleeve. She was thinking about Chloe, again. You probably don’t know who Chloe is, she is Jessica’s crush. She’s got the typical good looks, blonde hair and dreamy blue eyes. In fact, maybe they were gray, mixed with bright blue. She was one of the most popular girls. Which also meant that she only knew Jessica’s name. Nothing else.

Both a blessing and a curse.

This has been going on for a few months now, Jessica would lay in bed and cry. Her heart ached, her head pounded and her body shook violently as she cried. She was crying about Chloe. Oh how it hurts, when you can’t have someone that, you would give your life for. What makes it even worse is that Chloe has a boyfriend, the most popular guy in school, Alex. How fitting.

“The first time I realized my insanely huge crush on her, was before walking into History. Our teacher was letting us in, and it was only me and her left outside. We made eye contact, for the briefest second. But that was enough. My stomach flipped upside down, my cheeks flushed red, and my heart skipped a beat.

When that day ended, I rushed home. Of course, because I had very few friends, and homophobic parents, I had to use Google, to find out what I was feeling.

The results weren’t what I expected. These were the obvious signs of a crush. Me being me, I just thought of it as admiration, and tried to brush it off.

Let’s just say, it didn’t work.”

Jessica attempted to pull herself up from the floor. Today was Wednesday, she was going to tell Chloe. Apparently, when you have a crush on someone, it’s best to tell them, in order to avoid confrontation.

They have History today, so after History, she would tell Chloe. Jessica, was already preparing the speech, in her head. It was going to be insanely hard. Especially because Alex is also in that class.

How can she tell her? Write her speech as a note and then run away? Or just tell her straight? Telling her straight, may be a bit harder. So Jessica decided to write a note.

Chloe,

I am not going to be cheesy, I will try to not cringe/freak you out. That’s going to be hard though. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been feeling things, around you. It’s been so hard. I find myself crying so often, the guilt is eating me up. I feel horrible. These feelings are not supposed to happen. I am not supposed to like you. I’m not supposed to see you as more than, a classmate.

Unfortunately, I do. I wish I could stop it. I wish I could change it. I can’t though. Please don’t tell anyone. I trust that you won’t, because you’re such a nice person. You are so nice to everyone, so I hope you can do the same for me.

-Jessica.

She put the pen down, writing the note was so difficult. Her heart felt like it was in her throat, breathing was so difficult. Chills ran down her body, her heart raced. She has never felt so numb before. What was happening?

Jessica took deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She felt sweaty, yet it was cold in her room. Maybe, it’s just the adrenaline...

She walked downstairs, once she has calmed down. There was still an hour left until school, so she decided to eat breakfast. Normally she skips breakfast, but today is going to be a good day. She can feel it.

Sure, Jessica knows that Chloe will look at her differently, the rejection will be coming. At least, it will get rid of the huge weight on her shoulders. Chloe won’t tell anyone, right? She is nice.

Of course, Jessica’s parents were not home. They always leave an hour before she wakes up. Normally, she hates being alone, but today she welcomes it. It gives her the opportunity to think, to clear her head.

Hopefully no one will notice Jessica’s odd behavior. Then again, no one ever really notices Jessica. So that makes her situation a bit easier. Her friends probably won’t notice either. She is always the quiet one in her friendship group.

She doesn’t know how she will tell her friends. They have been by her side, through everything. For years. They have never left her side. Surely, a small, silly crush, won’t affect that.

She took a deep breath, making sure to look at herself in the mirror. Her hair has always been slightly curly, which she always tied up into a loose ponytail. Her emerald green eyes showed fear, anxiety and maybe even some hope?

END OF CHAPTER 1