100 Tinder Dates.
‘Sex and Other Physiological Needs’. I looked at the book that my supposed Tinder date was reading. I was surprised when she suggested to meet up inside the library, but I here I was. Judging from the book she was reading; this could be a promising date!
“Emma?” I asked, and she put down the book and smiled at me.
“Hi. You must be Geoffrey?” Emma replied.
“Yes. Interesting choice of book!” I said and winked.
“Indeed, this book has many hidden facts that will make your jowls drop,” Emma said seductively.
“Jowls? What do you mean?” I said, and I bit my tongue over letting my ignorance change the direction of this promising conversation.
“Jaw. As in making your jaw drop. Figuratively speaking of course,” Emma stated.
“Yes, of course. Seems like libraries are good for learning things. I have been here for less than a minute, and I have learnt a new word already.” I said and smiled.
“Imagine what a couple of hours with me would do to you. You’d become a new man!” Emma said excitedly.
I reflected on Emma’s statement. I definitely needed to become a new man, and she seemed like a suitable teacher. I smiled and spoke “How about having a coffee at the coffee shop upstairs? As much as I love books, reading together doesn’t make for a good first date.”
“Oh, you clearly haven’t dated me. Reading together can make an evening remarkably interesting. But I am happy to have a coffee as well.” Emma said and smiled.
We went upstairs, and I walked up to the counter to order two cappuccinos. As I was about to pay, I was struck by a terrifying realisation: I didn’t carry any cash, and I didn’t know which of my 24 credit cards I had credit on. I had thought about cutting the bloody cards to avoid indefinite debt slavery, but I needed the cards to show off my status. The card payments bounced several times, and I panicked trying to find the right card. Damn, this Tinder date turned out to be a carbon copy of last week’s date!
Eventually, Emma handed the cashier a ten-dollar-note and she smirked at me as we took our coffees to the table. Unfortunately, our conversation was inhibited by the noise of the traffic and my phone was buzzing. “Don’t mind me, answer your phone,” Emma suggested.
Reluctantly I answered the call. “How was your date?” Martin, my author friend, asked.
“I am still on it,” I replied
“Oh, I better not disturb you then,” Martin replied and hung up.
‘No shit!’ I thought, and I turned around to talk with Emma.
Emma was gone! She must have snuck off during my phone call! I cried on the inside. Despite being a successful lawyer, I had attended 100 consecutive Tinder dates without having sex!
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