Pompons nightmares

This all took place in a tiny café in the back streets near a bridge of some uncertain domain where we had fled from poverty in the 1970’s we were spoilt because we had the new work and the three day week had begun and almost all the customers were sorrowful because they were skint adding to this they had factories closing down and of course the red light district not far away doing the grand openings and posh people came with fast cars and made rides and raided the larder of the naïve and this made us who we were. Almost morose with the thing’s tightness of our skirts and the tightening of the stomach meant we did not want to let go of childhood. The childish laughter we hear now we did not could not because everyone was not looking forward to their houses some said they were in some financial shiftless states and there was a lot of discrimination and self-examination and we were all young back then.

The feeling was wearing us down what to make of ourselves and avoid work? The failed attempts which we had made galvanised us into some activity we were doomed if we did not think right. In the straighter and sit upper and do the things which make a girl stand out because one is a show case one is supposed to be the face of the family. But when we were in polite society the family did not care did not even want us. So I did not ask them to be my own they invited us over did not hear that I was tired because was working as a volunteer nurse and said they had a wedding to attend and if I did not go the head of the house would be damned if he would help me. I went and we had a trifle show and then went home and was not asked again until he said my attitude was useful to the whole family. You see I went and was cut off because was tired. I did not have time to buy a dress did not have the money and the head of the house condemned us to behave in something like dogs. We were dogs to be punished.

When the real things begin to happen, it is by then too late to heal the rift and make them see that we were children back then we were young teenagers who had to make our way in the world. When uncle asked me to marry him, I said nothing I did not take him seriously.

He was a coarse male?

He wore suits which were three thousand pounds and shirts which cost three hundred and shoes from Italy he was a vain man who was by then a millionaire and did not only deny us the privileges of being in the employ as such and being included he also made the jerkiness complete. We stood out he said because we were difficult and made us even more so.

It is no defence now he is dead he fell down them stairs and his breathing had got bad. But in his heyday, he had been a man capable of doing that. But this is not his story K was never a man to be taken into account his account now is with God.

That was in the mid seventies and by then I had become not very bright lost this and that. Lost many influences adding to this almost without an education which mattered to me more than any other thought in the world because I felt trapped, I felt so trapped I could have died.

When I tried to take myself out of the house something bad happened?

It did they had a fight or a cry or someone visited whom I wanted to see something always happened when I was indoors nothing much happened except for dull work. I grew so used to this I started to predict when this happened.

“Yes of course the world came and visited us no worries.”

She looked cross and put out.

Bubbles through time and then what was a soap opera or even kitchen sink drama becomes crystal clear. What did I become who was added to the hit list and what does it mean to the clan to be known as the outraged and the indecent? What does it matter to me when they made me what I am today when their ignorance of what it means to be what it was like to be a young teenager in charge of something called imbecility? I mean no disrespect dad what did he do? Well you shall see and when you do you will swear in something like jest that he had done it for himself most of the clan say this to him and now he is dead they say to themselves. That lessons should be learnt not to study the behaviour of the oddness but the reasons behind the oddness and not to assume just we are poor that we are behaving so tardily or oddly that we are not clowns we were not meant to be. Let me be so clear and let it be known that this is a wicked story told to me hand me down. I walked inside the shell of the mafia and nearly got murdered. Why because I was in their way. Something snapped inside me and I grew claws and said before I died, I will take as many as possible with me.

It all began with the proper decorum left undone and not done the deed and the greed of the individual. I am this greedy woman trying to gobble up a proper feeling because that beastly child has more money than I do. And that is how it all begun.

But the thing is then we begin to spoil the plot because one child’s property is theirs and the other one is not? Well you see one has a mother and the other does not. Simple.

As properties come and then go outside the child’s vision that property one grows up is one’s own. The ownership of a child’s home is that it is forever theirs no matter what when the new owners come and go and then she was re housed next door the thoughts kept on recurring what did we do that we are now lost? The things which mattered to them and especially to Pink was she had lost a part of herself her father who had become deceased. Why had she been left nothing from her dad who had died unexpectedly leaving them all flat broke? The thing was her mother did not have any sense what she earned she almost spent. That the childish delights at the things one must have and without any effort soon made her the spoilt villain we all grew to hate.

“They got away with living rent free.”

“Almost certainly killed your dad.”

“Never mind that they got away rent free,”

“Look dear your daddy died in some fear they bring on the fears with the things which they leave behind.”

“Bizarre they all are nothing to do with this house?”

“Well how they think this house is theirs I don’t know.”

“I know that they thought the café which was the café before the one which we now own was theirs but they are so determined on robbing and murdering me and my family they just waste of time.”

“What café?”

“The one which we leased then we had to move out as the lease running out.”

“The lady next door was the one who lived before and she said very wise and good to us that we would not last six months. We proved them wrong.”

And this lady had a daughter called Pink?”

“Yes, she did. A delicate child and she married young.”

“What else?”

“They also had a son who went to Vegas never returned no one stood up to the sound in his voice so high he did not set eyes on anything higher than a tower block.”

“He had been a beauty?”

“I don’t think so but he might have been.”

“He said he did very well.”

“Needed a companion?”

“Twosomes earn more money he said. Someone he could trust with his takings and money as he was not able to focus all the time.”

Then when I glanced at him, he went out so fast he knew lightening I thought something hit him he never troubled me again. Aghast at myself I was very fond of him you see he had always been a good lad. Now most definitely he displeased me. I lost a brother that day a brother and almost made me hearty to eat so well and distracted did not think much when someone like him wept inside me.