Chapter 1. EWA
{Chapter 1 has been completed. Updated on 22.12.2019.}
Foreword: I am still writing this and I hereby share the very first part. If you like it, please leave a comment or give a heart or whatever, let me know so I will update more.
New msg alert.
Suddenly I have a panic attack. It takes me two-cigarette time before checking her msg.
“Hi Blu;) Do you have time tomorrow?”
Deep breath. Okay, I’m ready.
“Hi Ewa;) Gdzie i kiedy?” (in Polish: when and where?)
“8pm, fountain. Is it okay for you?”
“See you there.”
I’m surprised a bit that she replied within 5 min. More surprisingly, she sent the msg one month after my last words that requested not to meet again.
She is early.
Everything looks like the first time we met—a blue jacket with white collar, white trousers and white shoes with thick flat outsoles.
“Hi. I’m happy you agreed to meet.”
“I don’t know if you are crazy or I am.”
We hugged. She was a bit trembling.
Yes, she got nervous. I can sense a serious conversation following.
“Maybe the place we went last time?”
“No, I will pick one this time.”
“Ok.”
Of course, I have no idea where to go but whatever, so I lead her to my favourite cafe which will close within an hour.
If I can’t kiss her tonight, one hour is even too much.
I ordered coffee because I assumed it would be a long night for me, no matter good or bad.
She ordered a cup of seasonal hot beverage.
“I don’t know how to start.”
“Take your time. Or you can tell me why you asked me out today.”
“I’ve been thinking since our last few msg. And somehow I couldn’t stop thinking about you even though I told myself that you didn’t want to meet me...”
“Not true.”
She looks at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence.
“Of course I want to meet you. I even want you, to be honest.” I can’t believe I said that. “But I told you my reason. I didn’t want to grow my feelings for you since we were not on the same page. I didn’t want to get hurt.”
“I know. Today I wanted to meet you because I wanted to say something, but I don’t know exactly how to say it. I still get some confusions and mess in my head.”
“I can’t help you if you don’t know what you want. But I believe you know very clearly what you want. So tell me.”
“Hmm...”
She seems very uncomfortable. Who doesn’t? She has no idea how much I want to touch her soft hands as I wanted at our first meeting. I never did but I knew they must be soft.
“I was surprised by what you wrote to me. I had complicated feelings. I have been working on myself in the past one month and I still can’t say I’m ready for anything but I would like to try...try to get to know you more and you can do the same.”
“I don’t feel you are attracted to me. In fact, I was just one of those women you were seeing for seeing. My friend could even come to talk to me in the club but you didn’t. You didn’t appreciate my time.”
“I am sorry for all of it.”
“I don’t need your apology. I understand you actually. I just felt a bit unfair that the woman I found interesting and attractive treated me as a distraction only. I can’t say I don’t mind. I expected more than I should expect. So the hurtful feeling I had was also partially my own fault.”
“Like I said, I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”
Her left hand reached my right hand. I trembled. Damn it! Freeze! Be cool!
In the next millisecond, I gently hold her hand in mine. It’s soft as I imagined. At least the left one is.
“Ewa, if you want, we can start to hang out a bit more and see how it goes. I don’t really care if you are seeing someone else at the same time. Just don’t let me know. I am a very jealous type.”
“Really?” She seems surprised.
“Yep. I’m serious. I know myself too well in this. I personally can’t deal with several women at the same time but I can’t interfere with your right to do it. Once you know which one, or maybe none, to choose, let me know then. And of course, I will let you know if I regret or find you bored.” I gave her a “whatever look”.
She laughed and soon calmed down.
“Oj...that’s very possible. But you are really...different. I like the way how you think. You are a very smart and interesting person.”
“I know. I’m a good kisser too.”
Fuck! What did I just say??? I am trying my best to hide my wtf feeling now.
Ewa laughed again, “oh really? Good to know.”
Good to know??? I thought she would say “we will see” or “I believe” or anything but “good to know”.
Soon we kindly left before being kindly requested.
“Do you want to go somewhere else or I can drive you home?”
“Let’s walk to your car and you can drive me home.”
“Okay.”
She didn’t move.
“Are you trying to think where you parked your car? I can go with you to the hospital next time.” It was an inside joke about Alzheimer’s.
We both burst into laughter.
She approached me, trembling.
That’s the smell.
I can smell a special scent when someone has sexual desire, for me of course.
I didn’t want her to brag later that she kissed me first. So I start to touch her face with my finger, gently “pet” her chin, and kiss her on her lips.
Finally. Her lips are soft too. Right at this moment, I think I like her a bit more. I am always fascinated with the soft and femme characteristics of a woman who looks strong and fearless.
And all of sudden, I felt warmth generating from my belly. I guess they are butterflies.
Our tongues are relatively well behaved—not like the passionate kisses I used to perform in Sims 4.
“Yes, you are.”
“Your compliment means a lot to me.” I winked.
6.
I am so glad that she didn’t park her car as far as last time. Well, actually I don’t mind now. I would like to walk with her, wondering when we will hold hands or what she will say to me.
I still can recall the first time we met, we walked to the cafe she recommended shoulder by shoulder but she didn’t mind personal distance at all. We had literally physical contact several times by arms or shoulders.
She knew that I am not a fan of Christmas market so we chose a longer way to avoid crowds. Also, it gives me more chances to look at her straight into her eyes or have some little body contacts.
“How was your first curry? Was it good?” Oh dear, why. She stood me up last time when I invited her for curry which also initiated my long honest messages to her to say farewell.
“It didn’t happen on that Wednesday when you told me that you couldn’t come. But I made it on Saturday. I tried to invite people to come, one by one, but they all couldn’t make it. So I enjoyed my first curry by myself and it was tasty.”
“Oh I am sorry. So you were also seeing different women?”
“I wish. I had a girl to write from time to time but she was quite cold, or I don’t know, sometimes annoying. But she is cute though. We haven’t met yet. I can’t imagine sitting face to face and one sentence per hour.”
“Who else did you invite?”
“Do you really want to know, mom?” I don’t mind telling her but for me, it can be a boring topic. Those girls mean nothing to me.
“Yes and no. If you don’t mind, I would like to listen.”
“Okie. I’m gonna feed your curiosity.” I turned to her and kissed her on her cheek.
“One girl from a zadupie (means “in the middle of nowhere” in Polish slang) city that she didn’t want to mention so, of course, she couldn’t come. And actually I invited my friends at the beginning but there was a friendship-relationship situation involved and one guy felt comfortable to have such a family lunch with all of us. I knew it from my best friend, aka his ex-fiancée, so I didn’t mention anything but telling them in the group chat that I wasn’t ready. I don’t want to bother him making a good excuse that would be certainly bullshit.”
“Wow. You always want to make people comfortable?”
“True and false. It depends on whom. I don’t have time and energy to waste on people I don’t care. Don’t you think so?”
“I like it.”
“Have ever had sex in the car?”
“Of course. Have you?”
“Never. But I’m not gonna have sex in your car. Not now.”
“Hahaha okay. We are not going to, are we?”
Oh no. Foreplay has just started.
I got in her car like a regular passenger, unconsciously staring at her removing the cutest gloves I have ever seen on a grown-up woman. I complimented that after our first date.
“Do you feel cold? I can turn on AC.”
“No, it’s good.” Deep down I know that the car shouldn’t be too comfortable at this moment.
She remembers how to get to my place. It might not be hard for a person who can drive but I still feel warm somehow. And this time she knows which alley to turn to. Progress!
“I am not sure you can get a spot.”
“Wait…let me see…” she leaned forward to get a better sight, “found it!”
She slowly parked her car and there were 5 seconds of silence that didn’t make me uncomfortable at all.
“So thanks again for coming today. I am glad how it turned out.”
“Me too. But I have one question.”
“What?” she looks at me with eyes wide open.
“When will you give me your number, Pani. Zajeta (Mrs. Busy in Polish)?”
She laughed so badly and gave me her phone.
I input my number and click dial, “in case you never call me later. Now I have your number so I might harass you.”
“You are very welcome.”
She leans toward me and it is a long kiss.
“Sorry, today I can’t invite you for tea or sex, depending on which word you prefer.”
“Hehe cool. I believe we won’t wait too long.”
I hugged her and bit her right ear a little bit. It was already red.
I thought I might have insomnia that night like after our first date but I didn’t. Instead, I slept so well that I even had a dirty dream.
Since then, we have been texting each other via SMS and sometimes luckily I got some calls from her. I assume that things go well recently.
It’s Thursday.
Ewa would like to meet me after work. So we agreed on meeting each other in the Western Park where she can reach on foot.
“Finally I am here now. Never been to this part of the city even though I know it is pretty.”
“I told you that I would like to show you around in my district.”
“Oh, you don’t want to bring that up now.” I come closer to her on my tiptoe so I can kiss her forehead.
When we started to talk at the very beginning, she suggested many activities we could do together and I believed it. Partially it was also kind of my fault because I was so blind at that moment. From this point of view, I hate having a crush. It changes me in no second.
I like walking in nature. Well, I think city parks are nature too. At least in Poland, city parks can be enormous with less artificial ornaments, where you feel like out of town. Besides, I’m not a fan of hiking as I said many times before, “I like hiking. And once per year is good for me.” I really mean it. But sometimes I explore suburban area or nature with my friends so I could skip the gym without any guilt.
“I always think this city is so small and so big at the same time.”
“How come?” Ewa looks at me with her curious smiley eyes.
“Well…I could run into my ex who lived in another city but I couldn’t come across you even though we live in the same city, not far from my gym or the shopping mall I often visit.”
“So you wanted to meet me on the street by accident?”
“I imagined that. But practically I don’t know what it will look like. Maybe one of us, or just me probably, would dodge it. Anyway, I was truly mindful every time when I went out. I know it sounds silly and maybe a little bit creepy but I never cross the line.”
“It’s okay. If we met somehow, I didn’t know what I would say either. I would probably say hi I guess?”
“Oh yes. You are fucking good at saying hi and goodbye, with kisses left on my cheeks.”
“Oh Blu. Please don’t bring it up again. I feel bad about it.”
“Haha, you should! And I might bring it up over and over again. So be prepared!”
“Can I make up to you? Just tell me what I can do to let you forget it.”
“Oh, no worries. Sooner or later I will forget everything. You better hurry up if you want to make some good memories with me.”
“I will.” She took my hand.
“Have you been to Spiz (a famous local bar/brewery)?”
“Yes, why?”
“Last month?”
“Yes. It was also my first time, in fact. So you saw me there?” Of course, she saw me.
“Probably yes. With a group of people sitting in the corner booth?”
“I am 200% sure it was me. And?”
I remembered that evening. I was hanging out with my good friend and his new girlfriend. Later more people came who I didn’t know. So I spent most of the time talking with the girl and we pretended being a lesbian couple sometimes just for fun. Apparently Ewa saw me hugging her or being touchy touchy.
“Nothing. At the beginning, I thought she was your date or girlfriend. I don’t know.”
“Haha. Of course, you don’t know. People can easily be mistaken about which types of girls I’m into. She is straight, so far.” I giggled, “And she is my friend’s girlfriend. The guy sitting next to her on the other side is my friend.”
“She is cute. So you don’t like her?”
“She hates being called cute. No, I like her. But she isn’t my type. Otherwise, why am I here now?
This small sip of jealousy feels good actually.
“We were really hitting it off that evening despite the fact that we just officially met for the first time. My friend insisted on introducing her to me because it meant a lot to him. And I was happy I went. She is adorable. I can be really touchy touchy if I like the person.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Now you can imagine how hard it was for me on our first date.”
“Hehehe now you have the chance.” Oh, Ewa, you don’t want to know what is in my mind now.
“Oh, wait! So who just said that she would come to say hi if we met?”
“Shut up!”
I don’t really enjoy cold winters because my hand is freezing while holding hers. When I was with my ex-girlfriend, sometimes we held hands with gloves on. It was less romantic maybe but we didn’t really care then.
So I suggested Ewa putting on her cute gloves if she felt cold but she said it was okay.
“Maybe you feel cold?”
“A bit. But I still want to hold your hand.” That’s true.
“How was your shopping day?” Ewa asked.
“Good but tired. We spent like 4 hours in the mall choosing trousers and stuff. I felt like a third wheel haha. Because sometimes they went shopping together and people always thought they were a cute gay couple.”
“Hehe, I don’t like shopping, especially buying stuff for others.”
“So now you know who you can ask for help next time.” I winked.
“Yes. And you must be very patient.”
Oh, Ewa, you don’t know how patient I can be.
After walking around the park, we decided to go somewhere to eat.
Somehow, I kind of want to go to the place where I might come across my ex-girlfriend. But this time, I don’t have to run away. For a very long time after breaking up, I couldn’t or didn’t want to meet her or talk to her in any circumstances. I was pissed off or still am when I realised that she had a new girl the next month. I still didn’t know they met before or after our break-up. I simply didn’t want to know.
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
This became my taboo sentence or excuse when someone lied or tried escaping from the truth. Of course, some truth always hurts. However, this sentence hurts me even more.
“If we meet my ex-girlfriend, can we pretend we are so much in love with each other?” I asked Ewa.
“Sure. But how much you will pay me later for acting?”
“Well, it depends on your performance then.” I was a bit surprised that she didn’t even ask why “but you don’t think I am childish?”
“I guess sometimes people have this kind of need and I believe you have your reason to do so. If I can help you feel better, I will do it. And maybe you can tell me the reason if you want.”
“Deal.” I like her more now.
3.
In the past year, I met her once and it was a pleasant start with an unpleasant ending. Later in a few months, I met her family in the parking lot while she was shopping inside. So I will say that chances are not low.
So we came to this restaurant in the mall.
We ordered food and now we are waiting at our table.
Ewa raises her head every time when someone comes in.
“You seem more excited than me, don’t you?” I laughed.
“I am kind of curious how she looks like and I want to see the girl who broke your heart so badly.” She showed a gesture of breaking the heart with both hands.
“Well, I have to admit that even now, I still think she is a very special and attractive woman who can always catch your eyes, at least mine. But I haven’t seen her for almost one year, so now I don’t know how she changes.”
“How old is she?”
“Soon will be 33.”
“Now I am curious if you always date older women?”
“I would say I always date women who are older than me. But ‘old women’ sounds like ‘milf’ hahaha.” I can’t stop giggling, “actually my one and only boyfriend I mentioned before is a bit younger than me. Later the girl in high school on whom I had a crush is two years younger. But yes, women with whom I had relationships are older than me.”
“Interesting.”
“Why? If you are going to tell me you are also attracted to ‘milf’, I think I can leave now before you saying you don’t want to hurt me.” I laughed and stared at her with a semi-serious look.
“Hehehe, you don’t have to leave now. I dated both. I don’t care about age as long as I feel comfortable being with this person. What do you think?”
“Oh thank you for giving me this chance! I haven’t dated many as you have, “ raising my eyebrows, “but never say never, right? In a few years, I will be the ‘milf’ millennials will talk about. Sadly true.”
“Stop mentioning ‘milf’. It sounds awful.”
“I know. I don’t like that category either!”
“What?” after 3 seconds, she got it.
We had a good time eating and talking but unfortunately, or fortunately, we didn’t see our “target” coming.
“Let’s go grocery shopping.” I suggested.
“Do you need anything?”
“We need, if you invite me to your place.”
“With pleasure.”
“Oh, I guarantee that.” Damn, I cannot NOT be dirty today.
“So what would you like to cook later?”
“I call it ‘stood me up’ dish, aka curry chicken.”
I didn’t mean to bring it up to guilty-trap her but it was just fun for me. Gladly she didn’t mind that much, at least she was still laughing.
Cooking is relaxing for me. But cooking for someone I like can be nervous.
“You have a very functional kitchen. I like it.”
I feel old now. It reminds me of the meme that says when you start to pay attention to kitchen equipment or furniture while watching pornhub, it means you are getting old.
“What can I help?” Ewa helped me place all the groceries on the bar table.
“Pole dance or stripper dance maybe?” I chuckled.
“That’s beyond my ability.” She laughed.
“Szkoda (pity in Polish). So you can put on some music and stay away, like 3 metres at least.” I gave her a serious look.
“Okie dokie.”
Why on earth is it so hard to chop onions without tears? I have tried different hacks in tutorials, except the candle one, but no luck.
“Can you step in my territory and help me with my glasses…” before I finish my sentence, I feel a gentle hug from behind. That’s very nice.
She takes off my glasses and starts to kiss my neck.
“You know I have a knife in my hand?”
“Very aware of that. That’s why I am gonna do it properly so you will be happy and I won’t lose my life by being chopped.”
“Fair enough. I know anatomy so probably you will look pretty under my knife…” I turn my head a bit so I can kiss her lips.
I didn’t expect that our first time would happen in the kitchen with a knife in my right hand. And of course, for some moments I had to drop the knife carefully so no one would lose any toes.
Then we took a shower together.
I like the fragrance of her shower gel. She smells so nice and I just can’t wait to taste it.
“I didn’t expect an appetizer.” She walks to the bathroom again and I come back to the kitchen.
“Już (in Polish: It’s already done)!” I can tell Ewa is hungry.
Sex always makes me hungry. I guess she seconds that.
And curry turned out to be very good.
What a lovely day.
“Hi, I am driving but I want to share this song with you. It is on the radio. So listen carefully.”
“Oki.”
It is Bohemian Rhapsody – the song we listened together in her car on our first day.
The music is fading out.
“So what are you doing?” Ewa asks.
“I just finished my lesson. Would you like to meet?”
“Where are you now? I am driving towards the centre. I can pick you up and we can figure out where to go.”
“Coolness. Near JP2, so I hope you haven’t passed by. I can wait for you near the statue.”
“Great. In one minute. “
“Don’t hang up,” I start to switch to a needy voice, “I’d like to keep your voice accompany while waiting.”
“Uuuu…okay.
I can see her smile through her voice.
“I just finished my work and I remembered you had a lesson this afternoon so I was about to pick you up. Now I guess we can meet real soon!”
“Oh, I see your car!” I start waving.
“Oh, I see you too! Pulling over…wait a second…”
Finally, I am not freezing.
“Here you go. I prepared a blanket for you.”
I was surprised and a bit emotional by this blanket. I mentioned to her once that I was always afraid of coldness but I didn’t expect she could remember and even prepare this for me.
“Thank you, Ewa. This is very sweet and thoughtful of you.” I lean to her and kiss her cheek.
“If I have a better car, I can prepare a USB warming blanket but now I can only offer the one from my sofa hehe.”
“Nah, it’s overwhelming already. That will be too hot for me.” I click my tongue.
So we went to a pizzeria quite far from the center but with a great reputation. We were so satisfied and not shamed of burping all the time.
“Maybe you want to stay over the night? My flat-mates went home for the weekend.”
“Why not? I am always curious about how your room looks like.”
“Haha okay. You will see. If you don’t like it, we can get a room in Ibis.”
“Don’t be silly. I don’t even care if there is a bed.” Her right hand reached to my left one.
