Again

Beep Beep Beep

My eyes shot open, blinded momentarily with drowsiness and bright lights.

I could feel needles pricking my skin, smell the vivacious stench of the sterilizing products that were used on the stark white room. The sound of monitors and machines buzzed and rang in my ears as I came too, my vision and hearing slowly coming to normalcy.

I’d been put to sleep.

I’d lost control.

I’d hurt someone else.

Again.

Again and again and again.

Over and over, again.

Why would they not stop?

Why could they not see?

I wasn’t losing the battle.

I was winning.

Whoever had been here before, whoever I had been, he’d lost. Or she, I don’t know who I was, all I know is who I am. What I am.

So many times I’ve been reprimanded, told I was wrong for believing what I did.

So much blood, so much hatred, so much red. Again and again and again.

The stains on the floor had been enough proof, if only they’d listened to my pleas, if only they’d caught sight of my trembling before they hid me away from the world.

But it’s far too late.

They’d punished the wrong person, and now I would punish them.

Now I would show them their mistakes.

Again and again and again.

The bustling noises pulled me from my reverie, I could feel the rough sheets against my back. The footsteps of a doctor, or a nurse or someone echoed dauntingly in the hallway.

I relaxed my body, unclenched my fists and released the blood my nails had drawn, sliding my eyes carefully closed.

It would begin now. Whatever they thought, whoever they think I am; I am not.

I am going to win, again.

The door squeaked open, and I heard the light breathing of the person in the doorway turn to trembling, almost gasping breathes.

Again.

They walked closer, I felt the IV pinch my arm as they gave a light tug before they leaned over me, carefully checking everything connected to me.

As they let out a low sigh I allowed my eyes to creep open and I watched as long, dark hair swung just above my face.

When they leaned back my head rolled to the side, my eyes trained on the flowing strands.

It was so...

Obnoxious.

It fell in loose waves, draping over her shoulders.

It took a moment for her eyes to center on mine, and then she froze, not seeming to be able to think coherently, or maybe she was thinking too much.

When she finally seemed to come to the conclusion that she wasn’t in a good position I slowly propped myself up in the bed, dragging my body so that my pale legs fell over the edge.

My feet didn’t reach the ground, and when I leveled my head my eyes came only to her chest.

I looked up, feeling my own long hair brush against my shoulder blades and swing in front of my face, disrupting my view.

I let my head loll to the side pushing off of the bed and dragging my socked feet towards her.

She backed up slowly, her shoes thudding heavily on the linoleum floor.

The woman fled the room and I came to attention, lifting my head and following quickly after, for I would win.

Again.