What is your opinion?
Interest
"Love it"
Purge: Corruption Dies
"I read the first chapter of this story and enjoyed it very much. The beginning was enthralling and drew me in immediately. Throughout the story, with only a few exceptions, I was always unsure of what would happen next. It was very unexpected, and I just love that. The story itself was interesting, and liked the idea of the Chimera. It was a fresh look at an old monster. Your characters were also very entertaining, especially Dai, who I'm guessing you had a lot of fun writing about. I marked it down because there were quite a lot of grammatical errors that distracted from your writing. Also, whenever you described a character or a creature, you did a lot of telling rather than showing, and the descriptions were a bit stereotypical. For example, instead of saying that the Chimera had a muscular chest (or something to that effect) you could say something along the lines of "Black goo (or sweat, etc) ran down the creases in the creature's muscular chest". I think that that would liven up your writing. The weapons that Dai uses is super clever, and I thought that his interaction with Stephanie at the end was very funny. There was one thing that confused me though. How on earth did Dai survive a 75-foot-drop without dying or being severely injured? Was it because of Stephanie? A little clarification would help in that arena. This really was an enjoyable story! I would read more of it. I hope that this helps. Good work!"
First review?
"Hi... You asked Alex to help you review...but she's not going to review this week. And people are so easy to predict...I'm sure you don't like waiting for a review. So let's get to it. Title: I think your title is pretty interesting for a fantasy story. How corruption dies...sounds interesting. It's probably something readers might want to buy at a bookstore. Your summary: for the protagonist to remain strong, he has to carry a girl. That's ironic, but it's a pretty good hook. You reeled me in already. Your settings are telling rather than seeing however the way this story has been written...fair enough. It's done excellently I have to say. Descriptions right at the beginning of the story. I would cut it out. No one cares what she looks like. Weave it in the story like any piece of information you would weave. "A woman with red hair....white blouse..." I don't think that's exactly what you wrote...but I would cut it out. Paragraphs 3, 4, and 5 all start with THE WOMAN, THE WOMAN, THE WOMAN. Seriously! It gets rather annoying when that happens and that's not all. I see it in within the paragraphs too. So...this first chapter needs a good edit despite the fact it is smooth. Those are the things that stuck out to me the most. 10th paragraph. Nearly the entire paragraph starts with The. repeating the three times is bad enough. You have 4 'The's So what I would do is go back into the whole editing process and click Ctrl-F and search the. You will be amazed to find how many you have! But I think you might not do that, so I helped you a bit. Let me give you a number of 'The's you have. First Chapter: 579 Second Chapter: 268 Third Chapter: 269 Total 'The's: 1116 in your entire document. So, the 'the's you have in your story...you lost two stars for that. The plot is interesting but how you described your characters in the beginning of your story lost you a star because the beginning is your most important part of your story. After adverbs, there is usually a comma when you start a sentence with it. Like: Suddenly, blah blah blah... That's it. Overall, I love this story. Keep working at it!"
