What is your opinion?
Vivid
"The writing in this story was just fantastic. It was descriptive and intoxicating and gave me a very clear picture of the time and setting. I like how it has a kind of old England feel to it....just with magic. I immediately had a sense of the characters that you were presenting, and I loved their interactions. I was especially intrigued by the man in the silver mask. When I got to the end, I was going "NOOOO!" I need to know what happens next! I hope that you will be posting more soon! The plotline was also very interesting, and it took quite the wild turn toward the end. My only complaint is that there were some grammatical errors scattered throughout the story. Nothing serious though. Also, there were several places where you used the word "It's" when it you have been "Its". Up to chapter three: I just read more of what you posted, and I enjoyed it a lot. It just seems so unique and fresh, and I love the characters that you have employed. The scene in the sewers where the dead thing came back to life was very well done. Very scary...but very well done. I also very much enjoyed her interaction with the other characters (I'm horrible with names, so I can't remember.) There was still some grammatical errors, but those can be easily fixed. I was a little confused in a few places though. I wasn't sure about the nature of the "attack". Unless I missed something, it didn't seem like an attack but more like a spontaneous fire. And also, I would like some more clarification as to the nature of the magic that Minerva has. I love it because it's unique, but I don't quite understand it, like why couldn't she heal herself in the goblin tunnels and why did she need candles while investigating the "dead" creature. Just a couple things like that. I hope that you will post more soon, because I am REALLY enjoying this story so far. Happy writing! (And I love your name by the way! It's so cool.) I hope that there is more to come, because I certainly enjoyed this. Great work!"
Can't wait for more!
"I love this story and I can see Minerva very well and I love her spirit and attitude right off the bat! This is an exciting story that I look forward to reading more about. It has many great elements that make up an epic tale. The mysterious character and an immediate action packed series of events. I felt like I could really see the landscape. This would also make a great mini series!"
Excellent setup for an epic tale
"First off, one small grievance. "Well isn't that some shit" - that made me laugh, which might or might not have been your intention, but mostly because it seemed "out of period", considering the rest of the phrasing and word-choice you used in the piece. I'd consider revising that statement, just because (at least to me) it felt jarring. This may be the part where you dig up the origin of that phrase being the 13th century or something, in which case I'll withdraw it. It just "felt wrong" to me, and out of proper voice. Now, with that said, and I've only read the first chapter so far, I do really like you you spin and unweave this one. So many excellent choices. The choice of words, in particular, gives the story an almost 'classical' or victorian feel. Almost like Jane Eyre or a similar novel of that period (pick your favorite Bronte sister). The characterization is good, you reveal details about the main character (that she's attractive, and a few other small details) without belaboring them, trusting the reader to only need what is necessary to follow the scene. The same with sometimes-sparse descriptions. I tend to favor those myself, partly because in the first draft it seems like a meaningless thing to focus on, and partly because those are the things readers tend to skim, anyway :) There's a few typos, including one use of it's when you meant its, but on the whole it's very well-written, engaging, and (for me) was easy to read. You reveal interesting details to show the reader that the story isn't going to go exactly how they imagine, and you end the 1st chapter perfectly to set up conflict and drama. I always like it when the 1st chapter ends in a completely surprising new place. Keep it up, I'll continue to look through this one as I have time! Also, thank you for the review on my work, Mindbender. :)"
Minerva Atramentous, Necromancer
"Okay, Avyn, you have me hooked. I am intrigued by who Minerva is and would like to know her backstory as well as more of what she is doing now. Er, perhaps I should say what she was doing since her place of employment just blew up. I want to know who the creatures she saw are and why they want to blow things up on her world. There were a couple of places where the flow could be tightened up a bit, but overall it had a good pace to it. I do question the words 'inflections' as in the stone's glittering inflections. I want to have more! Do not stop writing this."
