I was never told that if I were to join a fraternity, it meant I was destined for a life of one-night stands and unbearable headaches. Also, I wasn’t told that I wouldn’t be able to find love until I graduated. I had this epiphany suddenly one morning when I woke up hungover with a gorgeous girl in my bed. After trying to think over the pounding drums in my head, I finally remembered her name was Sarah. She had blonde hair and grey eyes, she was the captain of the swim team on campus, and she had a great sense of humor. The only problem with Sarah was her aspirations in life. Sarah is a marine biology major, and she loves learning and discussing aquatic life. However, Sarah doesn’t just want to work with fish. Sarah wants to be a fish—a starfish, to be exact. Last night, we had been drinking on the front steps of the fraternity. Talking anything and everything and wasting time until the conversation got only as intense as two sloshed college students could make it.
Sarah began to tell a story from her childhood. Sarah always felt, she wasn’t born in the right species and had always enjoyed laying on the ground, spread out in the shape of a star. She went into a vivid story of then she was a kid. Whenever it snowed, she would become ecstatic, get dressed, and run into the winter wonderland outside. Instead of making snow angels, Sarah would create a snow star, which was her laying in the snow in the shape of a star for hours. Eventually, Sarah’s mother would have to go outside to get her off the ground because she would be fast asleep, buried in the snow. However, Sarah was banned from creating snow stars when they lost her in a blizzard. Her parents thought she had been kidnapped, so they called the authorities to begin a search party. However, after a few hours had passed, Sarah came into the house asking what was for dinner. The blizzard had been so intense her parents couldn’t see her, and she was only two feet from the front door. After hearing this story, I had every intention of telling her that she couldn’t become a starfish. Still, we had already started kissing, and I couldn’t bring myself to ruin the mood. I will give Sarah the benefit of the doubt that she is fully committed to being a starfish not only in everyday life but also in bed.
The next morning, I realized there was no way I was going to pursue anything further with Sarah, and I needed to get this girl out of my room as soon as possible. In desperation, I took my fingers and shoved them down my throat to force myself to puke into the trash can I kept near the bed. After I was finished, I turned to see her startled awake with a mixture of sleep and confusion across her face. I explained to her that I was extremely allergic to fish and that we should never see each other again because of my fatal condition. Sarah did not take this news very well; she crawled to the middle of the bed and began to weep while begging me to find a way to cure my allergies. Today was Sunday, and I had an important exam on Monday that I still needed to study for, so I had no time to deal with Patrick, the starfish. Being one of the head brothers of the fraternity, I was able to instruct pledges to do my bidding. I went downstairs and saw four pledges who were already in the house eating breakfast. I asked them when they were finished, to take my bed and carry it to Sarah’s dorm, then wait there until she got off the bed and went inside. Once she was safe in her dorm, I kindly asked if they could wash the sheets because sleeping on her tears would keep me up at night. I must give them credit; I would have declined and opted for another brotherhood although they did as they were told and carried her off. Theta Gamma Kai found some loyal pledges at this past rush. As they carried Sarah out, I grabbed my backpack to find a place to study.
On my way out, standing at the door was the House Director. Seeing the pledges carrying a crying girl on a bed out to some unknown destination, he turned to me. He questioned, “Hey Ron, where are they taking that girl?” I explained the situation to him with great detail. “A starfish, you say? You can’t be serious,” he asked, trying not to laugh.
“Yeah, apparently she believes she was born to be a starfish. The good person in me wanted to explain to her that it is impossible. But then we did the no-pants dance.” I remarked.
“Oh, I get it—you turned her from a starfish into a seahorse. Well-played, brother!” Excited, he went for a high five. Declining his high five, I explained how bad it was, and that that was the reason the pledges carried her out. “Well, that blows. Anyway, make sure the pledges bring the bed back by midnight. We have to make sure the house is spotless before the pregame games can begin for tonight’s formal, so I want the house to be clean before it starts.” I assured him they could handle it and headed out.
On my way to the library, I realized that I had forgotten entirely that the dance was tonight, and I had no date. If Sarah didn’t believe she was a starfish, then I would have taken her. Suddenly, I heard my stomach grumble and realized I needed to eat breakfast before I did anything else. Usually, when I have a hangover, I crave eggs and beef. I headed to the school cafeteria to see what they were making for breakfast. That morning, they were selling breakfast burgers, which was perfect because it was my two favorite hangover foods for the price of one. After getting my food, I made my way to a table. I saw a girl sitting at a table by herself, so I decided to give her company and walked over to sit with her. I got my food and was about to score a date. This morning was coming along nicely, and it wasn’t even ten o’clock yet.
When I got to the table, I introduced myself. “Hello, I’m Ron. Is it okay if I sit across from you?”
The girl looked up from her phone, then said, “Well, of course. My name is Becky, and it’s a pleasure to meet you, Ron,” and put down her phone.
When I was situated, I asked, “So, do you have any plans today?”
“Well, no, I was going to study and whatnot. But there is a formal that I heard was happening tonight. I might go, although isn’t it weird to have it on a Sunday?”
“Well, this is the number one party school in the country; that means rain, snow, alien invasion, we’re going to party.” That got her laughing. “So, do you want to go with me to the dance? I haven’t found a date, plus you don’t want to be stuck in your dorm while we are all partying, do you?”
“Well, you have a good point. By the way, how tall are you?” she asked
“I’m 5 foot 9 inches. Why?” I answered.
“Oh, that won’t do; maybe if you were at least 6 feet, I would have considered it because I don’t go on dates with guys that are shorter than 6 feet.” Then, she packed up her things, and before she left, she said, ” Maybe you should drink some milk. I heard that makes you taller.”
Well, seeing that went fantastic, I looked across the cafeteria to see if there was anyone I knew. While scanning the room, I noticed that there was a game of smash brothers being played. Loving the game, I quickly ate my breakfast and made my way over to get in on the action.
I played three rounds and lost miserably to a guy playing with Kirby. However, I took my defeat like a man. I gathered my things and went to the library while I still had some dignity.
It was Sunday, which usually means the library is closed to the public since not many Liberians worked on Sundays. Unless you had a valid student ID, you were not able to go into the library. This meant that the library was going to be quiet and filled with students cramming for exams or art students working on designs for their next projects to add to their portfolios. It was the perfect place to study for a test.
As I scanned my ID to go into the library, I wondered, in the back of my mind, if there were any cute girls in here. If not, I was going to try my luck with one of the librarians. I made my way inside and surveyed the crowd. It was oddly empty for a Sunday: usually, there were a lot more students in the library since it was not open to the public. There were only a few people at the desktops and laptop stations. At the tables near the front, there was a girl that caught my eye. Seeing my opportunity to land a date, I made my way to her. She had headphones on, so I gently tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention, “Hey, I’m Ron, it’s nice to meet you. Is it okay if I sit across from you?”
Surprised, she looked up, then took one of her earbuds out, “Hello, my name is Jenny, of course, you can sit here. What are you studying? Maybe we can study together?”
I was overjoyed because this girl seemed so much healthier than the last girl. “I’m studying for a nutrition test I have tomorrow.”
“That’s delightful; I am studying for nutrition as well.” She then showed me what she was reading, and we began to study together. We were hitting it off as we were joking about different diets and which ones were the most ridiculous. Then, we stopped studying and started to get to know each other.
Unfortunately, it was all too good to be true. In the middle of our conversation, another girl came over. “Oh, is this, your friend. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Ron,” then extended my hand to shake hers.
The other girl shook my hand and said, “Hello, I’m Krystal, Jenny’s girlfriend. It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.” She then turned to Jenny. “All right, babe. You ready to go get something to eat?”
“Of course, I’m starving!” Krystal said as she started to pack up her things. “Well, it was nice meeting you, Ron, and I hope you do well on your test.” Then, both of them left, and I was again dumbfounded, sitting at an empty table.
When I finally snapped back to reality, I noticed my laptop was dying. I decided to move a table that had an outlet close to a table.
Putting my quest to find a date for the night on hold, I finished studying for my nutrition test. Once I was confident about how I would do, I began to work on my calculus homework that was also due. Halfway through studying, I felt good. I was able to find all the derivatives I needed, and all my integrations came out nicely. My confidence faltered when I was asked to use the disk, shell, or washer method. I began to try everything I could think of: I checked my notes from class and searched YouTube for the answers, but nothing was working. Eventually, I gave up, throwing my pencil on the table and letting out a scream of frustration. When my outburst was finished, I noticed that the librarian was standing next to me, she gazed down at me with the most disapproving look. For a moment, it felt like I was her child and had brought home another failing grade. She warned me that another outburst would mean that I would have to leave the library. I assured her that I wouldn’t do it again and went back to work.
Deep in my work, I was shocked when someone tapped my shoulder. I had been concentrating so hard that I hadn’t even noticed that someone else had sat down at the table. As I pulled my head out of my calculus book, I saw the most beautiful girl sitting across from me. “I heard your frustrations and came to see if I could help.” She started to lean across the table to see what I was working on, “Oh! You’re doing calculus. You’re in luck because I am a math major.” She then pulled out her notes.
“Are you my guardian angel? Because you just saved my life.” I showed her the problems I was working on. She looked at the page, then, without hesitation, began to work out the problems. Once she was finished, she started to show me how to do the problems. “Wow! This stuff makes sense. Hey, do you have plans tonight? How about going to the dance with me?”
She started to pack up her things, seeing as the mission was complete. When she finished packing up, she answered, “No, I’m sorry. I have a boyfriend.”
“Well, in that case, any single friends?” I asked.
“Not off the top of my head, no, but if I think of any, I’ll let you know.” Then she left. We hadn’t exchanged information; I was almost confident that she was not getting back to me. Now it was time to try my luck with the librarians.
After being shot down by every librarian in the building, I collected my things and went out to find a new place to continue my search for a date. I started to think about where I could go next to obtain a suitable date for the night. Maybe the Juice bar, there are always cute girls there I could quickly hook up with. What about the Zumba class that was being held in the gym, I could demonstrate some dance moves? Unfortunately, none of those ideas sounded as they would work.
I was so deep in thought that I didn’t notice the crack in the sidewalk that caused me to fall and sent my things flying. I could hear laughter from the bench next to me as I ate the cement. Sitting on the bench was a girl; she was laughing so hard she had started to curl into a ball in her seat. Half-embarrassed, I began to pick up my things. Finally calming down, she began to say, “You alright there, hotshot?” wiping the tears from her eyes. As we made eye contact, I noticed how beautiful her eyes were. They were a vibrant purple, almost as if they had been cut from amethyst, and her hair was as black as the midnight sky. She wore all black and had jewelry on her wrist and piercings in her ears and lips. She continued, “How does that cement taste? It looks like you ate a good amount of it.”
Hiding my embarrassment, I responded, “I’m shocked you were never told? Concrete is one of the most nutritious things you could eat. Didn’t your parents tell you some concrete a day keeps the doctor away?”
“No, I’ve never heard of this! My parents must hate me,” she said. After laughing some more, she calmed down, picked up my textbook, handed it to me, then continued, “So, where you headed, tiger?”
“Gotta get ready to save the world, of course. After my conversation with you, I realized that people are not getting their essential daily minerals.” That remark caused her to begin to go into another laughing fit. “But on a serious note, I’m getting ready for tonight’s formal. Will you be there?” My fraternity senses were tingling, and I knew there was a party animal in front of me.
“I would, but I’ve got no date; if only there were a brave, smart boy around who knows the importance of having the proper amount of minerals in his diet.” She winked at me.
“Well, you’re in luck. I happen to know a guy.” I did a small spin, thinking I was cold, and then offered my hand for a handshake. I then properly introduced myself. “Hi, I’m Ron. Want to go to the formal tonight?”
She straightened herself on the bench and shook my hand. “I’m Bella. I would be honored to go with you to the formal tonight. Wait, did you say Ron? That’s so funny. Were you just at the library?”
“Yeah, I just finished studying. How did you know?” I asked.
“A friend of mine, Sarah, she just met this cute boy named Ron at the library, and she told me it was a bummer because she forgot to get his number for me. What are the odds?” It was one hell of a coincidence; maybe Sarah was my guardian angel. After talking for a little longer, we parted ways and agreed to meet on the dance floor.
I made my way to the house to get ready for the night’s formal. Once inside, I saw that my bros were all waiting for me. One brother came up to me and handed me a shot. “Yo, try this. It tastes as if a Peppermint Pattie exploded in your mouth.” Peppermint is my weakness; I drank the shot. The overwhelming amount of peppermint smothered my taste buds.
“Forget gum; I am taking a shot of this to cure my bad breath!” The entire room roared with laughter. “Alright, gentlemen, I’m going to powder my nose, then let the pregaming games commence!” cheers filled the room as I went upstairs.
When I got back to my room, I noticed my bed was in its original position, and the pledges even made the bed. Upon further inspection, I noticed that there was a note on top. I put my stuff down and grabbed the letter and began to read it. “Hey Ron, I know we left on bad terms this morning. But I want to make things right. I promise I have given up on my fishy ways and wanted you to show me what it is like to be a land dweller. Love Sarah.” She had left a lipstick imprint where she had kissed the letter. This is good news, so if things didn’t work out with Bella, I could always give Sarah another chance. If there was one thing that college has taught me, it is to have a backup plan.
After changing, I went downstairs to see the entire brotherhood gathered in the living room. Each brother had a bottle of beer in hand, and everyone was calmly talking to one another. Suddenly, one brother screamed, “The Queen is ready! Let the pre-game games commence.” Suddenly, the entire group went into an uproar. Another brother walked up to me and gave me a beer so I could start the evening off on the right foot. The pregame games were a set of games before any significant event. You could say it was Theta Gamma Kai’s beer Olympics. The games usually started with a game of beer ball, then moved to an intense competition of flip cup, and closed out with a game of beer pong. The house would divide in half, with the juniors and seniors on one side and sophomores and freshmen on the other. Each team will send out the best players for each game.
It was a fierce battle this year, but, as usual, my team pulled through, winning the Olympics for the third year in a row. Once the winners were declared, everyone in the frat promptly made their way to the door; the dance was in town, so we needed to drive over. Instead of going in the winners’ Uber, I decided to take my car because if things went well with either Bella or Sarah, I wanted to take one of them to my favorite spot in the closest city. After everyone was in their cars, we all headed over to the place where the formal was being held.
This year, the formal was being held at Ambassador’s Hall; thanks to the increased popularity of the dance, we were able to rent out a luxury ballroom. One by one, cars lined up in front of the hall, and from each car, multiple brothers came out in waves, each pouring into the hall. When I finally got inside, I noticed that there was a crowd at the door of the ballroom. I pushed my way to the front of the group to see what all the commotion was about.
There was a girl crowd-surfing on top of a surfboard, cackling as she moved around the room. I knew it could be only one girl: Bella. She eventually rode the wave of hands to the stage, then she took one of the mics and began to sing. The crowd started to go insane and bounced around like animals, hitting each other and knocking each other over; it was probably the first mosh pit this ballroom had ever seen. It was almost as if she made the formal her live concert. If that wasn’t enough, she dropped the mic, kicked the DJ off his seat, and began to play her playlist. Seeing how the crowd was reacting to her music, the DJ started to take notes.
My bros and I were all amazed by the scene unfolding in front of us — snapping back to reality. I noticed that both of my brothers were beginning to call dibs on her, one dude shouts that since she looked in his direction, she wants him, another brother retorts, saying that since they are wearing matching colors, it’s a clear sign they were fated to be with each other. I turned to my brothers and screamed over the music blasting throughout the ballroom, “Foolish brothers, I have already planted my seed, now I shall give it water to grow the perfect tree.” Making my way to the stage, I heard shouts of “no fair” mixed with cheers of encouragement.
Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I noticed something was swimming through the crowd. When I turned, I saw it was Sarah weaving through the crowd, making her way towards me. She was wearing a dress with fish going in all directions, and she also wore starfish earrings. Once she reached me, I could see her smiling from ear to ear. “So you came. I’m glad. Let’s make this right tonight: Show me around the world of land dwellers,” she joyfully commanded.
Alas, my eyes were set on a different prize “Nah I’m good, go get you a merman.” Then, I kindly pushed past her and made my way to the stage. I wondered how she took the rejection, and, not surprisingly, when I turned around, she was lying on the dance floor in a starfish position, crying. People started to notice she was down there. They decided to lift her into the air, and she began to surf the crowd in her starfish position. My curiosity satisfied, I started to make my way back to the stage.
When I got to the stage, I waved to Bella to get her attention. She instantly saw me; she whispered something to the DJ that caused him to write more notes. After shaking his hand, she made her way to me. I didn’t realize how beautiful she was until she got closer, and the lights were shining above her. She had an all-black dress that stopped just above her knees. On her wrists were studded bracelets with every other stud replaced by a smiling skull. While she walked, her black hair went wild, flying and waving almost as if she had a tsunami on top of her head; she had her usual piercings in her lips and ears. It was almost as if I had landed a date with a punk rock Barbie. Finally, Bella got to me and extended her hand to help me onto the stage. On the stage, she whispered in my ear, “Let’s blow this lame dance and go somewhere exciting. Any suggestions?” Knowing a great place, I took her hand, and we left the stage.
Keeping our destination a secret as we drove to the nearest city, I learned a lot about her in that short car ride. Bella was bubbly and outgoing, but she hadn’t always been that way, this side of her had only come out recently. Bella had been bullied in middle school for being into punk and alternative rock. So, instead of trying to beat them, she joined them. This meant becoming one of the popular girls who would go to parties every weekend, do drugs, and have a lot of casual sex.
However, Bella changed when she started college. Her whole perspective changed because she realized that this was not the life she wanted to live. So, to escape this superficial life, Bella decided to go back to her roots and embrace the punk-rock girl she was. Completely blown away by her story, I was excited to have the chance to pick her brain a little more that night.
The place we were headed was in the middle of the nearby city. I found the closest and cheapest parking garage, and I parked the car, hoping to see some of the city nightlife as we walked. We started to make our way to the hang-out spot. On our way there, we saw all types of street performers; some were juggling swords, and others were men covered in silver paint—I believed they were called tin men. Bella and I got in on the fun and pretended to be mimes. The other actors didn’t take too kindly to us stealing their show; they immediately chased us off as soon as we started to get some attention. We finally got away, and Bella had been laughing so hard she was in tears. “I didn’t think they would chase us. Oh!” she screamed, unable to control herself. “Did you see the one pretending to shoot us—and the others had imaginary bats and knives: those mimes meant business!” She then erupted in more laughter.
“I know they were dedicated to the cause,” I said, laughing. When I finally caught my breath, I realized where we were. “This is the place—let’s go in.” I took her hand and went inside. We were at the Penultimate Café, sister to the Ultimate Café. The best part about this café is that it is less heard of and not as mainstream as its sister, making it the perfect spot for dates. On the main stage, there was always a new artist trying to get exposure, so there was still fresh and original music to discover every night. There was a bar that offered alcoholic drinks and the best-handcrafted coffee that you have ever tasted. The coffee was so good, and most people didn’t need to add sugar or cream to it. It was the shop’s best-kept secret. I grabbed us both coffees, and we listened to the artist playing onstage. Before she got too interested in the artist playing, I took her to the stairs to go up onto the rooftop. Once we were on the roof, she was blown away. There were some tables, chairs, and even some couches for anyone to sit. What made the roof so special was that all around you were the city lights. The airport runway was easily visible as well, so you were able to see planes coming and going from the airstrip. Seeing Bella’s reaction as she gazed across the landscape, I could tell I won her over.
I took Bella to the couch, and we talked for hours until we fell asleep on the couch. If it wasn’t for the rising sun, we might have slept on that couch the whole day. We went back to the car, and I drove her back to her dorm; we kissed before she went into her room. Maybe this is what love is like; it feels pretty good. Then I realized that it was the day of the test for my nutrition class, and I only had 2 hours to get ready for it. I ran to my dorm to get changed and get ready for class.
I quickly got dressed. Then bolted out the door, running to my class. I was able to make it to class with time to spare, allowing me time to study for the exam. There was a handful of students already inside. I didn’t notice who was sitting in the room because I was focused on preparing for the exam before it started. Even though there were no assigned seats, I always sat in the back corner by the window. When I got to my desk, I noticed that there was a note on my desk. It said, “Make sure when you get to the essay portion, you explain the importance of having cement in your balanced diet—from your neighborhood punk rock barbie.” Then I heard footsteps approaching me; when I looked up, it was Bella in all of her punk rock glory. At that moment, I realized a frat boy could find love.
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