Entwine

It all started with tap. My eyes glued to the screen as rhythm was created by feet. Attempting to imitate these dancers drew in my parent’s attention, and then the lessons began.

Lessons do not only teach you how to dance, they show you how you can hate the sport, but with hate comes love. Dance quickly became my passion. When I received my scholarship letter in the post, I ran around my house screaming. Dance finally got me somewhere. Even if I was never to be a professional dancer, it had given me the capability to develop myself further. I could learn more. It was a sign I could succeed. It gave me belief and confidence in myself.

The bang of the boot shutting brought me back to my senses. I took a deep breath.

“Well, honey, I think that’s everything.” My dad stood in front of me with his hands on his hips.

I silently nodded my head. Although I was excited, this was a lot to take in. Realistically, I was moving out and leaving home. It was temporary, and would initially only be for a few months, but it was another new chapter of my life. I was no longer a child and I was approaching adulthood. This was the start of my independence. My final stages of growing up.

With those thoughts swirling around in my head I grabbed hold of my father and hugged him tightly. I was not his little girl anymore. He was about to drive me to university where he would drop me off at my dorm and leave me. My family and I were separating. I was deserting the only home I had ever known.

My dad coughed loudly. “Oh dad, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hold onto you for so long!” I exclaimed as I released my hold on him.

My dad laughed at me. “It’s fine Jess. You’re already making up all the time you’ll be away from us, I don’t mind. I’m going to miss you.” He gently pulled me in for another quick hug.

“I hope you’re going to treat your mother in the same manner, young lady.” Called a woman’s voice from behind me.

I turned around laughing at my mum. “Of course, I will mum. I’ll miss both of you badly. I already promised that despite hating the sound of my own voice on the phone, I will call you at least once a week.”

“You had better, Jess. I love you, and I’m so proud of you.” My mum told me before engulfing me into her arms and squeezing all the air out of my lungs. I hoped I didn’t hug my dad as tight as this, my own mother is killing me with her display of love. My dad was smiling at us, until he saw my wide eyes.

“Darling, it’s time to let her go.” My dad started to rescue me.

My mum pulled away sniffling. “I know.”

“Mum! We said we wouldn’t cry. This isn’t forever, it’s just a new chapter. It’s part of me growing up. I’ll always be your daughter, you can still contact me. You are not losing me.” I spoke as clearly as I could to get her to understand and show my frustration at her behaviour. This was too much emotion.

My mum nodded, but she didn’t look me in the eyes. She still wasn’t happy. “But are you sure you want your father to take you?” She glanced at me hopefully.

My dad took her hand and looked at me as he rolled his eyes at my mother’s behaviour. We had predicted she would act out like this, even though she had promised to be good and respectful to me. My mum could be an emotional woman sometimes, to a level that would get annoying to the rest of her family, although, we had to respect that it all came from her caring about us so much.

“Jess has already had this discussion with us. Ideally, both of us would have taken her, but there’s not much room in the car anymore and someone needs to stay behind to look after Tim. We’ll be absolutely fine, and we will call you once we’ve settled.” Using a gentle, soft tone my dad worked his magic to calm down my mum. My dad had many years of experience in using this tone on all of us.

“I know that too. It’s just so much change. I knew you were grown up before, but now it is really settling in. You’re such a strong, beautiful girl Jess, I cannot say it enough how proud I am of you.” Mum stepped towards me again to hold my face.

Not so subtly, dad pulled her arms down. I smiled at their actions. “You are certainly trying your best to say it as often as you can.”

Mum scowled. “Don’t get so smart with me, missy. You’ll make me miss you even more.”

We all laughed together until a small voice interrupted us from the open front door. “Is Jess leaving us now?” My little brother, Tim, asked. He held his teddy bear by one of its arms, at home he hardly ever let that thing go, in all seven years of his life.

“Yes sweetie, it’s time for us to say our goodbyes.” My mum walked up to him, suddenly much calmer and collected now she was with a young child. Although, mum could be a hysterical lady times, she knew how to look after and protect her children. Her maternal instincts were very strong, and she was adamant to not cause Timmy to worry.

I joined them at the door, my dad trailing behind me. “I love you, Timmy. You must look after mummy and daddy for me whilst I’m away. I’ll miss you baby brother.” I hugged both Tim and Teddy, but not as tightly as with my parents.

“I love you too, Jess. Teddy does as well. But I’m not a baby!” Tim frowned at me and stomped his foot to express his anger.

I laughed at his response and ruffled his hair. “I know you’re not, I’ve just left you to care for mum and dad, how can a baby do that?”

“Okay. Have a nice holiday Jessy.” Tim replied, suddenly disinterested in the conversation and went back inside the house, likely to return to his toys. My younger brother had a very short attention span when it came to conversations. I wish I was his age again to be able to leave conversations without causing offence. As an adult you had to stay and be polite for as long as you could before leaving. Being a child was a lot easier, as I would be finding out very soon.

Timmy could only understand I was going away if he thought it was a holiday. His young brain could not comprehend why I would go away to school. Why did I have to go to a different school? Why could my old teachers not teach me anymore? We had explained to him that my old teachers had finished teaching me, they taught me all they could. Therefore, I needed new teachers. In the end, me leaving the family for a long holiday was the only explanation he would accept.

The fact I was going to a university on the coast also supported the holiday theory. I was going on a break to the beach to relax and have some fun, just like we had done on numerous family holidays. If only reality was that simple. On one hand, I would love to be able to do that, on the other, I wouldn’t. Instead, I’m going away on a scholarship, an amazing achievement and an amazing opportunity I could not give up. I had three years of studying ahead of me, and hopefully three whole years paid for me, leaving me debt free.

“Right, I believe it’s time for us to head out. We have a lengthy journey ahead of us.” My dad announced, swinging his keys around his fingers.

Goodbye Midlands, hello South coast.