Messterpiece

Can’t sleep. Won’t sleep. Don’t sleep.

Don’t sleep. Don’t sleep. For fucks sake, Don’t sleep.

“Bloody hell.” Vanessa muttered in distress as she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open.

Sleep—her long lost companion as she calls it—was catching up to her.

It’s been a few weeks since she befriended insomnia after the nightmares decided to visit her again.

“Shouldn’t have seen that stupid movie.” She seethed as she recalled exactly why and when the flashbacks which lurked in the dark corners of her mind— came rushing to the surface.

She flipped the pages of the notebook furiously while contemplating her decision of picking up a romance book— one which she has read more times than she can count— to avoid sleep. It didn’t seem like a challenge at that moment since she had caffeine to help her.

She ran out of caffeine when she reached page seventy two.

Stephen king would’ve been a better choice.

She thought to herself but her subconscious reminded her that being ignorant never helps, there’s no escape from certain things. Sleep happens to be one of those things along with the flashbacks.

No matter what she did or how hard she tried, the images of that day will be etched on her mind as long she lives.

There’s a remedy for every type of scar that has imprinted itself on one’s body, but nothing​ for a scarred soul.

And that was what she was— scarred, broken beyond repair and afraid of her own mind, so much that she chose to torment herself by avoiding sleep just so she didn’t have​ to go through the pain of reliving the events of that day.

The day when the last shred of fiber of her already torn heart was ripped off.

Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking.

“Focus! Focus on what Allie said to Noah.” She begged to her own mind.

“You’ve never been your own person. A life like that makes you empty inside and you’re looking for someone who will magically fill that void. But no one can do that but you.”

Empty inside. Void. No one can fill the void. No one.

Not even you. You can’t do anything. You’ll always be a prisoner of your own mind. You can’t save yourself.

“Shut the fuck up.”

She groaned as she felt a dull ache in her skull, running her shaky fingers through her brown locks— clutching the tangled mess tightly just so she could focus on something else, anything else— she tried to breathe.

As if sitting on a rocking chair her body kept moving to and fro—humming a tune which usually took her to her happy place.

One where there was no pain, no fear.

One where she wasn’t a broken shell of a girl. One where there were no nightmares, where when she sleeps, there were only dreams.

One where reality was as beautiful as fiction.

It was not real, but she wanted to believe it was. It existed.

God! That was the only thing she wanted to believe in, because if she didn’t, then there was nothing left to hold on to.

Imagination is like a fragile leaf hanging from a hollow branch of a rootless tree and reality is the harsh cold blow of wind that breaks the tree in two.

Reality is as real as you can expect. There’s no fourth wall to break.

No background music to tell how you’re feeling. No happy endings.

And even though she knew the difference between what’s real and what’s not. She couldn’t seem to resist the little amount of peace, the lie her mind makes up to calm her every time panic runs through her veins offered.

The lie that tells her everything will be alright. She will be alright.

It’s funny how human brain works, it wanders to deep dark corners and bring nothing but misery and at the same time it takes you to a wonderland of your own.

Vanessa knew she was fighting a lost battle when her eye lids started feeling heavier by every passing second and soon she drifted off to sleep, completely on the mercy of her own mind which was her biggest enemy.

As the sun rays illuminated the room making the pale walls look golden, Vanessa woke up from her slumber.

She thanked her subconscious for not tormenting her this time.

Stifling a yawn, her hands reached under the pillow to grasp her phone which she had turned off.

If it wasn’t any other day she wouldn’t have bothered but it wasn’t just another day.

Unfortunately it was her—

The sound of the front door bursting open interrupted her thoughts.

Before she could register anything that was happening, two girls jumped on her bed knocking her down on the mattress, caging her in a bear hug.

“Happy Birthday.” The Smith sisters​ said— screamed— in unison.

“I didn’t ask for being choked to death.” Vanessa managed to utter breathlessly under their weight.

Lexi and Bella removed their hands from the petite body of their friend and started gazing at her with expressive eyes.

Two pair of eyes watching her as if she was just born. Blue eyes full of mischief and hazel eyes full of admiration.

The eye’s weren’t the only different thing about these two.

Lexi had blonde curls that decorated her round face perfectly while Bella was a slim brunette with hair —as straight as her sexuality— as she often remarked whenever someone asked her if she was a lesbian for not dating any guys.

Both of them were poles apart and yet the thing that was common was the love they had for their friends and each other even though they never admit the latter part out in the open.

“Its your birthday today.” Lexi squealed stating the obvious to which Vanessa just nodded.

“So, what’s the plan.” Bella asked rubbing her hands together showing how excited she was.

“I’m just gonna play a game called pretend you’re a carpet.” Vanessa said in a futile attempt of sounding sassy which she wasn’t. She tried though.

“Oh, look. Vanessa made a joke.” Lexi rolled her eyes while Bella just scoffed at her friends pathetic attempt.

“Come on, tell us when is the party.” Lexi asked with wiggling eyebrows.

“A quarter to... never.” Vanessa said, this time a little proud of herself.

“Do you have a death wish on your birthday?” Lexi said while cracking her knuckles in a threatening manner.

Vanessa punched her lightly, gesturing her to cut it out when she knew she was the one who needed to stop.

She knew nothing can make her win against these two especially when it comes to birthdays.

Every year, Vanessa will try and make an excuse so that these numbnuts will just leave her alone to snuggle in a blanket while reading a novel but nothing worked.

“Why do we need to celebrate? I’m practically growing old.” Vanessa whined as she tried to present a rational argument. She never understood what the fuss was all about.

Why the fuck people make such a big deal about birthdays?

Yeah, Okay! you were born.

Apparently, so were the other seven billion people.

How’s that working out for any of us?

“We do not need a lecture on—101 Reasons Why Birthday sucks— by Vanessa Miller.” Lexi pointed out, not looking a bit amused.

“Come on, it’s your eighteenth. It’s special.” Bella chimed in with dancing eyes.

“And why is that?” Vanessa asked with a tired expression.

“Because you’re officially allowed to screw up. Both figuratively and literally.” Lexi shot a wink in her direction to which she just rolled her eyes.

Even though, the thought made her insides churn in disgust, she didn’t let it show. She has mastered the art of creating an illusion in front of the people she cares about.

The others just don’t care enough, so why bother?

The sound of soft footsteps approaching made all three girls look up only to find a pair of warm hazel eyes—same color as Vanessa’s— looking at them.

“What’s going on?” Vanessa’s​ mother asked in a soft voice.

“Your daughter is being a pain in the ass, as usual, that’s what’s going on.” Lexi chuckled and rushed to give her a hug.

“Is that right?” She asked to no one in particular.

“It is.” Bella joined both of them.

Vanessa just scoffed at the trio.

“Happy birthday sweetie.” Her mother said as she enveloped her in a hug.

“Thanks, ma.” Vanessa muttered while breathing in the scent of her mother, the only thing that somehow managed to make her smile.

The warmth of her heart melting embrace was the only thing she craved for whenever she was having a panic attack but she couldn’t reach out to her.

She couldn’t let her know that her daughter was not as strong as she pretended to be.

She couldn’t break her heart any more than it already was.

“What are you girls planning to do?” Her mother asked as she brushed off the strands of hair from her daughter’s face.

“Nothing.” Vanessa was quick to respond.

“Why is that?” Her mother said, a disapproving look crossing her features.

“Because as I said earlier, She’s being a pain in the ass. She wants to wallow in her castle alone while reading a stupid book.” Lexi complained.

“Oh well, she is not allowed to do that. Not today, at least.” Her mother said sternly.

“Victoria told me about this new place that’s down the block. They call it the riverhouse. Go have some fun.” She squeezed her daughter’s hand and Vanessa knew that now she will have to go.

Her mother wants her to be normal.

By normal, she meant going out with her friends on weekends, having a boyfriend and celebrating the day she was brought into this world.

Of course none of those things were going to happen except the latter.

“Fine.” she obliged just like a normal, obedient daughter would do.

But she knew, she was anything but normal.

“Yes! We’re gonna have so much fun. There will be food, drinks, music.” Bella said while doing a little hand dancing movement.

“And boys.” Jen added to which Vanessa just chuckled.

“And hot girls.” A voice came from the doorstep indicating that someone has been listening to this whole conversation.

“Eavesdropping is bad manners, you jerk.” Bella said to the dark haired intruder.

“A jerk doesn’t have manners, ducky.” Cole shot back.

His brown eyes filled with mischief landed on the birthday girl and before she could even blink, he pounced on her.

“Happy birthday grandma.” Her best friend screamed in her ears, lifted her up from the bed in his arms and started cradling her like a baby while singing a birthday song.

“Put me down, Idiot.” She nudged him with an elbow— a little too hard.

As a result, he dropped her and she landed straight on her butt.

Her back aching as she cursed him while all the other people in the room just laughed at the sight.

“Ow!” He whined as if he was the one who had just been dropped on the cold hard floor.

Soon after her mother excused herself she threw a pillow at the boy who ever so easily dodged the attack.

“You have to do better than that.” He flashed a cocky grin and settled on the bed.

Vanessa helped herself up and kicked his leg, unfortunately the action did no damage whatsoever.

“Where are we going?” He asked lazily, his fingers playing with the blonde locks that were grazing his face lightly as his head was placed in Lexi’s lap.

It wasn’t worth noticing or gush about, for them. since all four of them were comfortable enough with each other and these things came naturally.

“This new place down the block.” Bella answered, her eyes narrowing at the knots of hair which decorated Vanessa’s head.

She just clicked her tongue and started untangling the mess.

Vanessa gave her a sheepish smile in return.

“Riverhouse?” Cole asked and pulled on a strand of lexi’s hair earning a glare from her.

He just smiled at the blonde girl.

“Yeah.” Vanessa answered while going through the texts looking for the one message she knew would have been the first.

Just as she was about to tap, her phone flashed with the same contact indicating an incoming call.

She smiled knowingly. for others it may look like it was a coincidence but she knew it wasn’t. It was like their hearts were in sync.

She put the call on speaker and the voice from the other end filled the room.

“Happy birthday, broster.” Jessica’s voice was brimming with excitement, it made her chuckle and so did the nickname.

She had come up with this nickname on her own. It was a hybrid of the words brother and sister.

“You’re both for me and so much more.” she recalled her little sister saying these words to her.

“Thanks Jess.” She smiled, her features turning soft after listening to her voice.

“Am I on speaker?” Jess asked.

Before Vanessa could reply, her friends decided to sweep into the conversation.

“Hey, Jess.” All three of them said in unison.

“Hey Guys! What’s up? What are the plans for tonight.” she sounded just as excited as everyone else.

“We’re going to this new place Jen suggested.” Cole answered.

“Cool! I’ll be there soon. I’m so excited.” She said.

“I have this feeling that this day is going to be amazingly life changing.” she added before bidding good bye and hanging up.

Vanessa didn’t give much thought to what her little sister said.

Jess has always been the optimist.

She didn’t know her sister’s life changed years ago. For worse.

“I’m gonna take a shower. Why don’t you guys get your mouth stuffed with some pancakes?” she suggested.

“Jen is making pancakes? Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Cole said before jumping out of the bed and barging out of the room screaming pancakes.

“Use a conditioner. Your hair are a mess.” Bella said before leaving the room along with Lexi, both of them following Cole’s trail, while giggling and shaking their head at his dorkness.

Vanessa decided to jump out of the bed, at last.

She sighed as she remembered Bella’s advise.

Her hair weren’t the only thing that was a mess.

But they were the only thing she had some control over.

“Okay! Time for a shower.” She whispered to herself.